Divine Divinity

2003-08-26T04:36:00.000-05:00

Heh.

Its a funny thing you know.

When you step back and realize that someday you're going to be the halfwit adults all the teenagers mock.

Haha.

2003-08-26T04:30:00.000-05:00

If the holocost hadnt of occured, would people be as fucking sappy about the war?

I'm sure tremendous amounts of pity going twards a Jewish population that WASNT whiped out by one of the greatest men of the last century is a wonderous thing.

Come on. Your pity is best spent elsewhere.

Like the egotistical whores of New York and New Jersey or the "we want to be more than just equal" feminists or black people.

Duh.

2003-08-22T14:01:00.000-05:00

The purpose of life is to live.

Stop overwriting that.

Bad corrupt, greedy religion.

Sit boy, Sit.

2003-08-19T03:33:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Deathblow by Deftones
Current Mood: Bad.

I was sitting in the mall listening to my cds, stareing at the elevator ascend and descend like a bleeding angel. My day had been shit, and I was overflowing with a critical amount of pessimistic hatred.

This little girl walked up to me and tilted her head to the side. I had been stareing at the American Cookie Factory outlet they have there, wondering why a fat, slutty teenage whore was buying a cookie when I could rip 70 out of her overflowing stomach with my bare hands.

Like a doorbell she tugged on my jeans. I glanced down to her level. My attention and overflowing animosity hit her like a spotlight- or like painting a target for a missle. Snipeing someone in the head.

I stared into her eyes and detected a hint of worry- it was almost annoying for a moment, but I knew I could easily dismiss her if she actually bothered me.

I picked up one of the headphones from my ear and angrily asked "What do you want?"

She broke a cookie in half and gave it to me, before running back to her mother- disappearing into the crowd.

Kids are purer than anything on earth. I guess thats why we pamper them so much.

We know we've already lost that to the slow burning sands of time.

It was a chocolate chip.

2003-08-16T14:10:00.000-05:00

Well thank fucking god for the blackout.

Maybe now Bush will have something on his mind other than oil and destroying the economy.

2003-08-13T03:36:00.000-05:00

Current Music: None.
Current Mood: Fine, but i've got a headache. >_<

It's been a couple of lazy days as summer winds down for me, school's rebirth being on the 18th. I should enjoy myself more this year as i'm takeing a course that I really think i'll enjoy- Civics. Haha. But as of right now the only issues I really have to deal are prolly this headache, lol.

Oh well. More writing as more shit occurs.

2003-08-10T05:37:00.000-05:00

I'm 15.

2003-08-09T05:56:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Ride on Shooting Star by the pillows
Current Mood: Mordant.

ITS QUIZ DAY

I have had a very long, bad day and therefore havent the energy to keep up the many masks that I use to shield myself from others. Therefore all answers are as close to reality as can be, and are scareing myself.

So which letter of the alphabet matches YOUR personality, huh?

Quiz by S-S.net

What color of sand are you?

What color of sand are you?

I got a tie answer, apparently.

What star are you?

Quiz made by Fishie!

You are like the Goddess Kali. Kali is the Goddess
of time and of the transformation of death.
People use Kali for many purposes the good and
the bad. Kali's blackness symbolizes her all-
embracing, comprehensive nature, because black
is the color in which all other colors merge;
black absorbs and dissolves them. Which Kali
has the power of doing. Like her, you do the
same. You have a stong intensity between the
two (good and bad) You can go beyond all
quality and form or go all against it.

What Hindu God or Goddess are you like?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are red. You are impure, but noble. You are precious and true to yourself and others. When you love, you love entirely, and will do anything to make your love happy. You are sure of your identity, therefore, you cannot change others or be changed. You are a true prince, you may be forgotten, but without you, none of us could go on.

What inner color are you?

Quiz by Shirono

Goth.
Your a goth, good enough right?

What kind of goth r u?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are mostly Phlagmatic! Phlagmatics are the
peaceful and, often, the peacemakers. A
phlagmatic person really doesn't like conflict
and is more likely to "go with the
flow" than most. A phlagmatic person just
really wants to be blissful and often times
comes across as lazy or even arrogant.

Which Personality Temperment Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

If I were a cat, I would be a… Puma!

The Puma (Felis concolor) is an unmarked, tawny cat which possesses, along with great elegance and agility, many commonly used names. The most widespread of its labels are Cougar, Panther, Mountain Lion, and Catamount. They live over a broad range in all of the Americas.

Being the Puma (or whatever you want to call it!), you are a very strong individual and have a great capability of succeeding at whatever you wish to accomplish. You are cunning when in sticky situations and adept at puzzles and riddles.

- TAZL.com - Take the Quiz -

You're the Angel of Snow. Neither evil, nor good,
you're simply indifferent, coldly indifferent.
You like your peace, being alone, you're a
little cynik with the others... Anti-social ...
what are you trying to hide behind this
shield...?

If you were an Angel... which would be your path?
brought to you by Quizilla

You represent... anger.
Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to...
freak out easily. Overly emotional about
everything, you're most prone to bouts of
cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be
afraid of the fact that you explode so easily,
but at least you're honest... even if you're
honest about not liking anything.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

You would rain fire down on all major cities by
either arcane sorcery or lava encompassing
technology!

How would you take out your revenge on the world?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Type of Fighter Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

What's your usual [mood]?

you just want some friends

What the hell are you (picture results!)?
brought to you by Quizilla

Congratulations! You're DOMINATRIX BITCHY PERVERT
ANGEL! This brand of angel are very dominative,
powerful and dangerous! Woo! Despite being a
bit on the "bow to me bitch" side,
you can be a caring individual. You believe in
your own powers and have hide confidence. And
you like S&M, major bonus! XD

xWhat type of perverted angel are you?x (anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Is the glass half full or half empty?

I had something that made me think alot occur today. I might tell you tomorrow, but for now i'm still thinking about it somewhat. Hmm.

Good night my puppets.

2003-08-03T05:03:00.000-05:00

I let Deb [Lady M] call me and we talked for a long while.

It was really enlightening- I understand alot more now.

We get along really good- mayhap I helped her out.

2003-08-02T19:27:00.000-05:00

Current Music: An Enemy Led the Tempest by Cradle of Filth
Current Mood:

I ripped this out of AJ's blog and left it fatally wounded.

THE SURVEY

1. Your REAL Name: Kenneth Andrew Howell.

2. What friends call you: Ken, Fluffy, Kennifer.

3. What your (ex) boy/girlfriend calls you: Ken.

4. What's a name you once wished you'd rather have?: I like the name Jennifer. I guess i'd have to be the right gender first.

5. What is/are the ugliest name(s) you can think of?: Gregory. I just never liked the full name.

6. What would you name these if you had them as pets?
a. turtle: Bunker.
b. goose: Floatilla.
c. pirate: Captain Drew.
d. a hot boy: Pincushion.

7. If there was a song about you, what would it be called?: Martyred for Jehovah, Act 2 - Part 1.

8. Name your cat: Lorraine.

9. What would you name a ship you built?: Halls of Valhalla.

10. If you wrote a book, what would it be called?: Martryed for Jehovah, Act 2 - Part 2.

Part Two - Have you ever...

11. Thrown up in public?: Yea.

12. Eaten or drank anything spoiled?: Both, unfortunately. Man spoilt milk tastes horrid, as does spoilt colliflower.

13. Had a rip in your pants you didn't know about?: Yes.

14. Tripped while checking someone out?: Actually yes. It was in middle school, I was checking out this girl and fell down the stairs.

15. Had to pay for something you broke?: In an antique store my baggy shirt caught onto a small figurine, causeing it to fall to its demise.

16. Nearly drowned?: Yeap.

17. Passed out?: Yeap.

18. Had a crush on somebody NOT single?: Isnt that the point of the game?

19. Been stuck in the rain?: Of course.

20. Been attacked by an animal?: Goddamn dogs.

21. Caught people having sex?: My parents.

22. Fallen asleep while driving?: Not [yet].

23. Felt attracted to someone of the same sex?: Not [yet?].

24. Actually slipped on a banana peel?: What? That's real?

25. Made a wish that came true?: Yes, one or two for my sister.

Part Three - Complete The Sentence

26. I once had a dream I was kissing: a goth girl from my old school.

27. I'm only racist (prejudiced?) towards: racists.

28. I don't even know why I: am here.

29. I'd give anything to have sex with: Tori, Juu. I'd prolly enjoy a few peoples company IRL... Ashley perhaps.

30. Nothing sucks more than having to: clean up your semen.

31. If I had six bucks I'd buy: 6 more bucks.

32. It's hot. I should take off my: shirt.

33. It's always more fun if you: hate christians.

34. You can't eat steak without: a steak knife.

35. You better shut up before I: piss.

36. Just put it in my: rectum.

37. I really like you and everything: but you can kiss my ass you ugly half-wit.

38. I'm not who you think I am, I am: A Druid of the Wind.

39. Dude! Where's my: wit.

Part Four - What would you do if...

40. A dirty old guy at the airport slaps your ass?: Grab his hand and crush his fingers in his suitcase.

41. You witness somebody about to steal your car?: Grab his penis and slam the car door on it.

42. You wake up with a billion spiders crawling all over you and your bed?: Calmly wipe them off me and start my morning routine.

43. You farted while giving a persuasive speech in class?: I'd say "Many pardons, my arse had a comment on the last stated opinon".

44. The person you just kissed tells you they have oral herpes?: I'd smash their head in with the above suitcase and cardoor.

45. A genie let's you have three wishes?: The power to grant infinate wishes for myself; the wisdom of all the ages; the power of necromancy. Then i'd just grant more of my own wishes.

46. The government allowed you to choose one thing to be made illegal and one thing to be legalized?: How about we make censorship illegal and free speech legal again.

47. Britney Spears was at your front door asking for jumper cables?: She isnt that bad as a person, i'd invite her in for a soda and some games.

48. You had a time machine?: I'd go and see if Atlantis really existed.

49. FOX gave you a half hour show to do whatever you wanted?: It would be a comedy show that made fun/played off of common advertisements of the day.

Part Five - Would You Rather

50. Would you rather find the cure for cancer or the cure for aids?: Cancer.

51. Would you rather have the power to fly, or the power to teleport?: Teleport. Flying is a waste of time when you could just teleport high into the air and freefall as much as you like, teleporting back to the ground right before you die.

52. Would you rather have the power to see the future, or the power to record your dreams?: See the future. I have a notepad for most dreams.

53. Would you rather be really skinny, or really fat?: Really skinny. You can get fat easily.

54. Would you rather be lost in a forest, or stuck in a box? Lost in a forest. You cant hunt for food in a box.

55. Would you rather be in a drama movie, or a comedy?: Drama can have comedy, and comedy can have drama.

56. Would you rather be in a hip hop video or a rock video?: Death Metal, so fuck you.

57. Would you rather have your birthday on Christmas Day, or on February 29th?: I dont give a shit. I dont celebrate either my birthday or Christmas.

58. Would you rather live in the sewer, or in Afghanistan?: Afghanistan. It doesnt stink [as much].

59. Would you rather be in a mental institution or in a penitentiary?: Mental Institution.

60. Would you rather snow board or hang glide?: Snow board.

61. Would you rather be a ninja or a pirate?: Pirate. You make more money.

Part Six - What's the FIRST thing that comes to your mind when you read the following words?

62. Courage: To Cry.
63. Driver: Concentration while having fun.
64. Yoga: Waste of time.
65. Bakery: Luscious smells.
66. Roach: Survivor.
67. Mushroom: Pizza.
68. Sprung: Erection.
69. Exotic: Sex.
70. Pythagorean: Triangle.

Part Seven - Miscellaneous

71. Construct an acronym for these words.
(example: G M S = Give Me Steak )
a. S O L R A C: Satan Only Laughs Right After Crimes.
b. C H I N A: Communist Hell Infecting North America.
c. R P G: Role Playing Game.

72. What is your definition of love?: that of which we cannot define.

73. List 3 words that are clues to identifying a person you are currently interested in: Blonde; Fun; Likes Touching.

74. Close your eyes, turn around, and then open them: A couch.

75. Were you too scared to do it?: Leather Couchaphobia?

76. Who or what is your worst enemy?: Organized Religion.

77. Who is the last person you kicked?: My dog.

78. If you had to be a chess piece, which piece would you be?: The Queen. If you use the queen right, you can get an easy checkmate in the late game.

79. Name three people you know whose names begin with the last letter of your first name.: Nefertiti; Nostradamus; Nicole.

80. What's one romantic thing somebody's done for you?: Broken up with me.

81. If you had to break one of your bones, which bone would it be?: leg.

Part Eight - What Is Your Counter Argument?

(Example: "You suck." ~~> "And I blow, now what?"

82. "Girls are nothing but drama.": "Biased opinons aside..."

83. "Only idiots watch The Simpsons.": "Which makes you.. what, for insulting them?"

84. "Kentucky is way better than California.": "Thank you for your redundant arguement."

85. "There's nothing wrong with stealing.": "If you notice your pen missing, well. It wanst me."

86. "Alcohol is the answer to ALL your problems.": "You're right. *bashes bottle over idiots head*"

87. "You don't need to go to college to be a brain surgeon.": "Then just lay on the table.. *takes out saw*"

88. "Music is stupid.": "As is all art, correct?"

89. "Your car sucks.": "Actually, it does."

2003-07-29T07:06:00.000-05:00

I was bored and not pissed off anymore so.

*hugs Juu for he is a harsh person*

*hugs other persons too o.o*

2003-07-29T06:29:00.000-05:00

... if I hear one more fucking setence from juu about how much she thinks she looks like shit i'm going to break...

In all seriousness I am tired as shit of people underestimateing how they look and fucking overthemselves constantly to the point where people just shine in their glory just to try to get them to believe they are good looking. It really pisses me off, to the point of wanting to leave OB completely from the sheer amounts of people who go "v_V i'm ugly".

I wept for him a deep red river
That ran like blood through scarred ravines
To sluice away the guilt that slithered
Like a serpent tongue to Eve
For once as I, in heaven climbed
Too high for truth to truly see
My sunken mind, drunken and blind
Saw the lie: The fool was Me...

fucking beautiful people. burn in hell for your shameless flaunting of your own blindness.

idiots.

Distant vistas
Swathed in the haze
Of the reddening sunset
Fell to whispers
'Neath stars that marred descending skies

From the cusp of midnight mountains
Wending as a mist
Rebels truced with Feriluce
(In truth, few could resist)
Came praising his hellraising through
The sparse and marble clime
Where Virtue bathed, their ravings made
Her fountains flood with wine

Lifted with the gift
Of their dark seductive songs
She drifted from the path
She was surely set upon

Courting chaos
Prized in sight
Of the covering angel
Taught in ways of
Smothering another lover
Other than God

Worshipped in each other's arms
Like spider eidolons
The moon conducted like a charm
Those strange attachments on
And this is how they came to be
Dragged before the throne
Through tongues that hung whilst theirs were run
On soft white throats and punctured moans

Though fated now than later
By his tutor that had been
He baited the Creator
With the future he had seen

Of Michael, psyched with jealousies
A reich right by His side
And worming Man about to be
The apple of His eye

His children lost to free will
And the cost of beaten hearts
Like the night 'twixt vice and Virtue
When Her kiss became a scar

Seraph enemies
Why has my lord forsaken my judgment
Am I not free as He to indulge my darkest fantasies?

From embittered lips
These words were slaved
Split with the whips
Of their witch hunt gathered

He sought Her grave
Midst drowning crowds that howled in rage...
Blasphemer!
Blasphemer!
Though she was gone
Not lyriced to the song of their spirited throng
But ghosted back where she belong...

A grace embracing Michael
In a lace of tears that bleared his pride
He swallowed
Blood followed
Though with spit for all things divine
Though with spit for all things so fucking blind

His seal He tore
And to the floor
He threw this tie to heaven
Signifying holy war

And watchful of this sign
A thousand flames, unauthorised
Left celestial posts
To coalesce and, unified
Return their fallen leader
As he turned one final time
And threw a glance
Like a downward lance
That stung like guilt in every mind

2003-07-26T18:45:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Serpent Tongue by Cradle of Filth
Current Mood: Silent. Well IRL, obviously.

The Fall Into the Pool of the Pessimists [Where's my towel?]

I am everchangeing. I have suddenly become extremely pessimistic/angry IRL and online. I find myself doubting others constantly, not enjoying doing things, hateing people more frequently, snapping back at my friends. Every situation in the last week where I've been talking of the future has been totally black- completely negetive and pessimistic. I am enjoying myself like this, I feel so free- like a heavy burden of who i'm not is being lifted, or a new age of thinking for myself. Depression is aiding in my change as i've been off my anti depressents for months now. People suggest I sell myself short, or lie about how I am online- I've found myself not careing as much about how they feel at all, almost like a Satanic Narcessist. Am I selfish? Perhaps. I still find myself careing about many people, dont doubt that- its just that when people doubt me its more amusing now. More fun to hear their idiocy.

Honestly. Why should I look to the future in a bright, sunshineing way? America is going down a path differeing from true democracy, my life is as dim as ever, online life is the usual boiling pot of poltical and personal clashes between people. Whats to look foreward to? I'm not Christian, I'm not going to a Heaven. Is this what it feels like when you realize that you yourself dont believe in any sort of hope? I think it is. Religion is false, Humans are false, Hope is false. Why everyone blinds themselves with the thought that life can become something else amazes me. How can you think that life is something beyond life? You can live your life in the greatest ways if you want to, without slaveing to religion or hope. Happiness doesnt come with hope.. Happiness comes with realizeing yourself as you are. I doubt highly that anyone can do that however, as I myself have had a hard time to study my own persona to work out kinks in the workings.

How you are is the key to happiness. People find it from religion, materialism, close friends, their job. It isnt any one thing, therefore hope can be absent in a happy person, so no one can blame my depression on my disbeleif of hope. Pessimism is my new frontier because i'm bleeding from present events IRL and online, doubting myself alot more than I use to. That is the new face of IRL Ken, how it comes to be online is not yet known. Maybe you wont notice a differenence. Who knows.

*buzz* Wrong. The answer was "I dont give a damn". We also would have accepted "shit" or "fuck" at the end of that sentance.

Apparently i'm some sort of catalyst in the difficulties between Syke and Mei just for voiceing my opinons on online relationships. Thats completely a wrong stance to take, since obviously its her choice to [a] listen to me; [b] make her own decison on her own relationship; [c] rarely listens to my advice anyway. The amusing property to the situation is that what I said is comeing true, that online relationships rarely work. If I hadnt of said that, there is a possiblity this wouldnt be happening- not. If I in any way caused this then I merely take the glory for proving myself right in an odd fashion, lol. I hope it works out between them, but the simple fact is that at our age, relationships dont work over a communication front like the internet. All of the cases I have heard of an online relationship blossoming into something great have been for people who are aged 19-21 or so- they have the means to meet, have the money to visit their significant other. The chances that their relationship would last over 2 years are dim.. the distance would get to them, trust factors would get to them- they might even get tired of each other. I simply cannot allow myself to slid down into another online relationship.. it causes too much pain to benefit me in any way.

Therefore, in summary, Mei choose to do as she did. If what I said affected that in any way-.. I dont give a fucking shit. Thats how online relationships are, idiots- just as I warned, lol. Lovely how that works out, isnt it?

Vengence

Ben's grandfather died. The memorial is tonight. I'm not going because [a] my leg is in severe pain as I walk, the muscle is strained; [b] Ben has pissed me off too many times. He has proven himself to not be a true friend on several occasions, and just when he needs a friend to comfort him I refuse to be there. He has ditched me for other friends on too many occasions, and I will not continue to sacrifice for him. I hope he wallows in his misery to the point of suicide if this weighs that heavily on him. I am not in the mood to fuck with social situations and the burden of someones own idiotic misery tonight. If anyone has an objections to this, place them in the consistantly-burned comment box on the way out.

[backstory_ I have a rival named Alex White IRL. He and I have competed for popularity in the congregation as far back as I can remember. Whatever he had I had to have, whatever he did, I had to. Eventually, when I changed congregations, I was free of him.. and I met Ben. We became pretty good friends.. but then, Ben met Alex. I have been ditched by Ben several times, he has gone with Alex places instead. One time we had set up plans to go to a movie on Saturday- he was supposed to call me to set up an exact time in the afternoon. He never called, so out of curiousity I called his house. Gracie, his mother, told me he had gone to the movies with Alex instead. That is just one time out of several where my times with Ben have been unfavorable, and caused me to further push twards Anti-Socialism.]

AEB[Kevin] and/[vs] OB[James/Charles/etc]

Kevin started a petition to get himself unbanned from OB at that onlinepetition site.

You might need some time for that to sink in, i'll wait.

.... .... ....

.... .... ....

Alright.

Apparently he has "proof" that there were personal reason as to why he was banned. Apparently, his information states he wasnt "worth" it on OB, and that all the trouble he brought with him was far too weighty a problem than- to the point his company wasnt, well.. "worth it". I dont see how thats personal, alot of people actually were comeing on OB and makeing threads on how naughty they are for their policys in an abnormal, idiotic fashion.

Well, I didnt sign it because he apparently has "150 people" from OB "that are willing to sign it". We have 150 active people? Goddamn.

At any rate, "150 people" or not, he'll get plenty of signs from AEB and a few from OB, i'm sure. I'm retaining my nuetrality on the issue- if I wanted to get into politics I would join a political party, not sign up for a message board on the internet.

[besides, bans are final and he wanted to be as far from OB in name as possible. He wish was granted. He will remain banned, thats obvious. Oh well.

.... Kevin can be so _____ sometimes......]

Lyrics of the Now:

Serpent Tongue
Performed by Cradle of Filth

[Part 1]

So adept was unspoken Man
At dusting ledgers of the seraphim
That Lilith swept across the broken land
In a whirl of lust to pleasure him

This bland Adam, a reaper of the sun
In bone dry season, for Eve was busy sucking thumbs
Pricked in rosy gardens as he spattered into shells
And ran with morning fauna; His mastiffs and gazelle

Breathless as the wind
Adam, prowled, fell foul to Sin
But not before She spread Her grin
Across His silent lips
At crack of day, though what was shame?
The raptor's nest wherein they lay
Bore witness to Her soft parade
Of fingers come to grips

His undivine attention won
She deftly spun
From 'neath His thrusts to writhe above
In ecstasy
Pendulous She swung
As if her limbs imbibed His tongue
To spill, as with His rod
The secret name of God

But no seed passed those fruitful lips
For fearing Her who grasped, He slit
Her throat from ear to where She fled
With tail and blood between Her legsss...

[Part II]

So very kept was the virgin hand
That brushed the treasures of Utopia
And how the greed swept across the desert sands
In late August just to measure Her

This hallowed Eve, a creature of the moon
A simple dish born with a silver spoon
Giddy sniffing orchids that opened after dusk
Incubus and Prudence, two such swoon to touch Her

Restless as the skies
Temptation, bloomed, found room to rise
And snatching breaths between Her thighs
He crawled to Eve...
At dead of night, the sticky clime
Smelt perfect to this serpentine
This shining Angel
Palled in mysteries...

Her undivine attention won
He deftly spun
A web of for the one
Great sacred tree
Bejewelled and lit
As if a thousand shades did flit
About boughs of forbidden lore
Hidden for the want of more

And when seeds passed those fruitful lips
And Mankind basked in vast eclipse
A Devil shot of thin disguise
Surmised to better paradise

2003-07-24T03:01:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Sadi's Wish by Cry for Dawn
Current Mood: Tired and really lonely. =.=

Quiz Day!

you are argumentative and not afraid to make really
let the other person know how you feel. you
never keep anger bottled up inside.

What quote best describes you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Birthstone Should Be Garnet
You are loving!
Above everything you place your hopes and dreams.

You can be described as passionate and determined.

Take the Birthstone Quiz!!!
(by *Crazy Dannielle*)

The Intellectual: Brains overcomes Brawns. You
spend your time studying or practicing. You are
the brains of the operation and show the
logical side of things.

What do you add to the Group? (Images!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Shapeshifter: Your ties to the wolf are more
casual. One might call you a wereslut, as you
tend to move between many different animal
forms, instead of focusing your energy and
emotion on one.

What Breed of Werewolf are You? (Images)
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witch

What magical gurl are you?
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Valkyry.

What magical female creature are you?
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Your Horror is Maniac

What is Your Horror?
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You want to bone Faye!
With that tight, short little getup she's
wearing... I'm getting all hot just thinking
about it!

Which 'Cowboy Bebop' character would you sleep with [provided they were real]?
brought to you by Quizilla

RAWR o.o

2003-07-23T20:14:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Black by Sevendust.
Current Mood: Headache affecting my temper a bit. argh. *holds head*

I went over to my Grandma's house and painted a bedroom. It was a pretty good sized room, i'd guess 10 feet wide and 14 feet long. I was to paint the walls and the ceiling. The only window was one small one, with a pair of blinds on it.. so that was alot of wall and ceiling to do. I didnt have much trouble but with the ceiling- mainly because when you'd get some more paint on the roller some would drip off into your face. o.O; It was a hard, long job, takeing me abouve four hours to do- 2 coats, touch ups, final checks. It was fun, I made 40 dollars from it and got some excersise so I guess all is well.

I've been gone from AIM for the last few days mainly to take a small break from my online life to play some games and MMRPGs, get some Ken time in, have some fun. Its not that I dont love you all [*hugs the tortor* I miss mein queen x.x] but I several of my friends congregatated into on MMRPG and I wanted to do something memorable in summer. =) Its winding on down, lol. My Bday is comeing up, school is on the horizon.. a month I think, or a couple of days less of that. Argh to that, meh. oh well. o_o So far this summer is alright.. =)

I do have a headache.. so I think i'll just do a quiz day later tonight. till then, lata.

2003-07-15T05:34:00.000-05:00

Current Music: We've Had Enough by Alkaline Trio
Current Mood: ___.

Those idiotic fools who tryed to do things to both AE and OB have/are being taken care of right now. Why Zeh did that is beyond me, and most liekly beyond him too. I wonder why he thought he could get away with that. lol. What a silly numbnut. Gyah..

Oh well. I'm going to bed.

2003-07-12T05:37:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Safe Home by Anthrax
Current Mood: O_o

An interesting lunch.

At 12:13 PM yesterday I was sitting at a table in a Mexican Resturant called "Fara's Hacienda". We were waiting for our, father, mother and I's, food orders. While sitting there, my mom raised her finger as she remembered something and looked at me.

"We're going over to Grandma's, so we'll drop you back off at home."

I arched an eyebrow quickly, and asked "When do you expect to be back?"

"5:30 or so.."

I grinned jokingly, and said "Thats good. I like inviting girls over when you arent around and sinning. We sin all over the place.."

So she drew up some of her iced tea, into her straw and blew it all over my face. She immediately started laughing, with my dad while I grinned silently to myself, tea dripping down my face. I used my hands to flick some of the tea off onto the floor, and glanced at her with a impish grin on my face.

"You know what?" I said while chuckling, "You know what.. I've put up with alot of your crap for the last few years and.."

Apparently she thought that it wouldnt work because they mainly did that in romantic comedies and such-

So I drew up some iced tea into my own straw and blew it all over her face back. ^_~ The end.

2003-07-11T13:34:00.000-05:00

You know what this blog needs?

An interesting day. hmm.

Well something interesting happened today, just i'm going to wait till later tonight to post it.

Gotta keep interesting things interestingly together you see.

Till then. ^_~

2003-07-10T05:11:00.000-05:00

A spotlight hits the stage- lo and behold! Ken walks out waving his tophat breifly before bursting into a tapdance number as he continues across the stage. He ends it just before he reaches the other end, stopping and bowing before disappearing again..

[I'm still alive. ;P]

2003-07-08T06:58:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Payback by Flaw
Current Mood: Seriously down in the depressed dumps.. something is bad wrong with me mentally tonight, and I am not angry suicidal.. I am in that accepting mood, when you accept and prepare to die- when suicidal people start giving off signs they are actually going to do it. I think i'm finally worn to the bone and i'm beginning to start the process of prepareing for my own death.. ugh..

It's Quiz Day!

You like Yuri

Are you an Anime/Yaoi/Hentai/or.... -Fan ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yes I am.

Water. Water is the elemental energy associated
with winter, when a state of extreme yin
prevails. Winter is the season of stillness
and rest, during which energy is condensed,
conserved, and stored. Water is a highly
concentrated element containing great potential
power awaiting release. Its color is black,
the color which contains all other colors in
concentrated form. In nature, Water is
dissipated by excess heat; in humans, Water
energy is depleted by the 'heat' of stress and
excess emotions. The way to conserve the
potential energy of Water is to stay still and
'be cool'.

Which Chinese element are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm.

man you know what your way too smart to be taking
any quizes but your qoute is: its better to
have someone think your an idiot than to open
your mouth and prove it

what is the right qoute for you?
brought to you by Quizilla

..^_~

what dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Water twice so far. Hm.

You are mysterious and have split personalities...
You can be serious sometimes and happy other
times...

Are you an Anime Character? And If so what type?
brought to you by Quizilla

I guess I really am that way.

Whispering Nightmare

What sort of Nightmare are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I do like scareing children, actually.

You are a claymore! Large sharp, double-edged,
your very name means great. If you have one
weakness it is that you're heavy and
cumbersome.

What kind of sword are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heavy and Cumbersome.

No comment...

The Way You Are
brought to you by Quizilla

... mmm...

Falcon Wings

What Kind of Wings are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Man these tests are really accurate tonight. Props to the people who made them.

Normal.... oo;

Are YOU Fit to be President?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ah damn, I wanted to be president.
-.-

isolated dreamer:
maybe you dream of somthing better, but you keep
your secrets close to your heart and never wish
out loud, so no one really knows if you are
pining for somthing secretly or merely content.

Are you a dreamer?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bing-o.

What's Your Outlook on Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thats why I avoid sleep as much as possible, so I can have more of it. *lets a secret out thats real, oddly* o.o;

You have a black cold heart....you care about no
one and nothing...maybe you cared about others
once and then got hurt? You're as cold hearted
as adisney villan!

What type of heart do you have? (with pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

Adisney. lol. It honestly gets depressing sometimes when quizzes keep telling you things you are trying to deny or change.

Ah...so wonderfully evil. you gotta watch out
though, you'll create many enemies with that
attitude!

Whats your motto for life? (with pics)(now finished)
brought to you by Quizilla

..

What rating is your journal?
brought to you by Quizilla

mmm....

You represent... anger.
Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to...
freak out easily. Overly emotional about
everything, you're most prone to bouts of
cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be
afraid of the fact that you explode so easily,
but at least you're honest... even if you're
honest about not liking anything.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

...

Revolutionary Soul

The anarchists of the Earth Angel ranks, your
spiritual family like a stirring volcano is
constantly moving, forever changing, and you
unleash your power and force when least
expected, and all around you feel it coming. If
there was such a thing as an "awkward
teenager soul" it would be yours. The
revolutionary souls are the future of the
spiritual society as they refuse to be tied to
any category of soul. Your hunger for
knowledge is deep and you are constantly bored.
You live for your independence and float from
one dimension to the other, exploring all
philosophies and teaching, and applying them to
where you think they're relevant. Some percieve
you as arrogant and brash, but that is just the
upstart in you talking. Never one to yield to
tyranny and conformity, you laugh in the face
of authority figures and live a life of right
or wrong based on your gut feeling. You have a
natural contempt for all that's popular and
trendy, and think humans on the majority are
fools for their need to have how they should
think and feel dictated to them. You were most
likely the class rebel and got into trouble
quite a bit when young with your sarcastic
sense of humour and brutal comebacks. It was
your kind that gave birth to the Punk era, and
was behind the overthrowing of many a corrupted
and unjust leader throughout time. Use that
conviction and determination to inspire others,
and victory will surely be yours.

Which Earth Angel Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Dude, thats fucking scary. Thats right on the dot of me IRL and online.

Angel of Man.

What kind of Angel are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

That angel has a nice ass...

2003-07-07T14:08:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Push It by Static X
Current Mood: Not Applicable.

Man what a boring last few days. Not much has gone down, the AE/OB thing simmered down again I think- however Kevin posted about it in his blog, if any of you wish to hear the true two sides to the story instead of being idiotic pro-OBers knowing only the OB side of it. I wish this could just go away- its beginning to be sort of childish, on both Boards account, moreso OB than AE I might say, but wont because many people would immediately presume me to be what i'm not.

In my eyes, Message boards are a place for a community to form and talk together about topics. The word "Forum" itself denotes this. If you dont know what the word "Forum" means, then here- "The public square or marketplace of an ancient Roman city that was the assembly place for judicial activity and public business". Those were the Forums of then, the place where discussion were held and ideas thrown out.

Why do polotics have to get in the way of a community?

I consider myself not a "member", no not a "moderator" of these Forums. But a contributor.

And maybe we all should, instead of raising flags of loyalty across the place..

2003-07-04T06:02:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Tyler's Song by Coal Chamber
Current Mood: o.O

Wow. The conflict that doesnt exist between AE and OB reached a non-existant head today and climaxed in a non-existing way. I wonder why I am the only one that can handle being at AE and OB at once- lol. Kev and I go way back, I was the first person to ever invite him into an OB chat when he first arrived. "Hey, wanna meet the new guy from TheOtaku?" "Sure." "I don't mind." We were all calling him "Rick" still, lol. Maybe i'm just trying to read too far into this thing that supposed to not exist, but I can handle being a moderator at OB and a super moderator at AEB fine. I guess maybe I dont exist since I seem to be apart of the conflict that does not exist. o_o

o.O;;;;;;;

o.o;;;'''

I dont know, theres an obvious conflict but Charles and James keep denying it because they dont realize that conflicts can be between one party and a party who dont see it as such. If one person wages a war, by god they are still wageing a war no matter who tries to deny it, or who refuses to call it a conflict and tries to remain nuetral. I dont know, i'm going to remain on good terms with Kevin and remain an OBer- simply because being a part of a community does not mean I have to agree or disagree with everything the higher ups than I do. I dont think what Charles did was wrong, I don't think what Kevin did was wrong.

It was blown out of porportion by third parties that include, possibly, me.

All I know about conflicts is that I dont have any with any of the parties mentioned.

And I hope Jesus doesnt roll over in his grave from this blatant flaunting of assorted egos for no reason.

Mei and Syk's Wedding

If you by chance missed it, I have the whole thing saved from beginning to the end- I was the last person out ^^;. If you want me to, I can email it to you in two formats- htm with full colors and fonts, or text which takes up less room but has no color or fonts bolded/italicised/etc. It was a good wedding, but I wish Neil sometimes would really shut up when it requires him to be shut up. He finally left, and the wedding could continue on in piece- thank goodness for that, lol. He isnt a bad guy, hell- he's my brother in crime. Just sometimes even I have to shut up.

Though, I have to admit, like him I might not, haha.

Oh well.

Juuthena logged on AIM as well from her cousins house- it was good to see her on AIM again, I miss my little sister dearly. Alot of rumors have been floating through my ears about how I should find myself a new girlfriend- mainly the rumors dealing with who has a crush on me, and who doesnt. I dont know if I really want to go with another online relationship, its so hard for the other person to keep it together that I end up getting hurt and it isnt my fault or hers. I cant understand why my imagination is such that I can handle long distance relationships, lol. Maybe its something in my past- I was alone so much, and off in my little world so much that I guess I really have devolped the ability to deal with circumstances much differently than others.

Oh well.

I wish the best of luck to my daughter, Rachel [Mei] and my new son-in-law/friend Greg [Syke]- that maybe this silly online wedding turns into something more fruitful.

I also wish good tidings and calmness to Lumi, and Roxie who were just trying to do the right thing, missing a few things along the way- but it was still a good try. We all try out best, and thats all we can do.

I wish fair waters to Deb [Lady M] and her child, so that they may sail together for long times without worry, and that they end up on land safe, sound- able to talk with us.

I wish all the goodness in my heart to Rae [Lady Asphy] because she has returned, to Des[bresko] for staying up with with me, Liz [Touchy]-chan for being so sweet, and finally..

I wish to all of you a Good Night/Day/Morning/Afternoon.

Intill I post again, tomorrow I hope.

*tips hat* Fair thee well.

2003-07-03T02:36:00.000-05:00

Current Music: P.O.S.
Current Mood: Fine.

Roxie

She cant take a simple joke. I'm tired of people getting upset over things you say, things you do. You have to fucking sit and be sure that everything that your true persona wants to say is filtered for the common audences pleasure. Goddamnit, thats all morals are- filters, opinons, suggestions. Its not MY fault she's Christian- why should I have to inhibit myself because she's sensitive over an amusing issue. Ugh why do we have to do that? Everyone always preaches about accepting people for who they are, and i've accepted Roxie for who she is. Why cant she understand that I have every right to who I am too, without filtering out some of the aspects of myself?

Thats wrong.

Its a double standard, people want to be who they are, but cant accept people for being different.

Ugh. Fuck. Why the hell is society so hypocritical. Whatever.

Sorry Roxie, I thought that you believed in fairness ASIDE from yourself. I guess not.

2003-07-02T16:54:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Where Strides the Behemoth by Mastodon
Current Mood: ...

Ugh. Heres the situation i'm in.

Two of my best friends are going out- and when I say "best friends" I mean that we've known each other for awhile now, 2 years almost. Each of us is really bonded with the other, all of us hang out tons over those 2 years. Well last night, the female in that relationship, hereby known as "Jane", called me to see if the male in that relationship, hereby known as "Sean" was online. Well Sean and I had been hanging out, playing a game, when he had to go eat dinner- followed by watching a movie. I said i'd see him later, and just chilled on AIM. Suddenly, Jane, who isnt online btw, calls me. I say hello, and she wants me to check if Sean is online. So, of course, I already know about Sean- and tell her. She is sad about that, so we decide to just wait it out intill Sean comes back. We talk, and chat, and talk and chat- about random things, things rangeing from the decor in our rooms to cashews to the decor in our bathrooms, to the decor in our dream houses- we even talk about the plushies we own.

So all is fine and well, we wait out for about 3 hours and Sean comes back. So I tell him that I have his gf, my best friend, on the phone with me and that she was wondering why his phone wasnt working. It was disconnected by the phone company, so I start relaying messages between them. Sean begins to get a bit more.. hostile, and come to find out he is extremely jealous of Jane talking to people on the phone. Suddenly i'm in the middle of a guilt-trip for merely answering the phone- Sean is in the middle of dealing with jealous anger to his best friend who was trying to help both of them out, and Jane is confused as to how she's hurt Sean.

Cue Ken trying to stop the hostilities that night, for 45 minutes, draining him mentally and emotionally. Things were said, comfort was attempted to be given, silence occured.

In the end, that caused me to be so tired that I passed out on my bed from trying to keep things together so hard, lol. It was sort of silly for me to try, knowing Sean. But I hope things work out between them, and I hope that somehow by answering a phone I caused our friendships to drift apart.

Boy, sometimes that "talk" button on the phone can be so dangerous..

2003-07-02T02:13:00.000-05:00

--

tired, confused, mentally drained.

bt..

thats all the people who are smart need to know to figure out.. hope things work out.. worn out from trying to do it myself

2003-06-28T20:28:00.000-05:00

- crux of the crucifix -

Burning on the cross
All feelings alone
Slaveing for the cost
Hanging up the phone
Fucking for the Saints
Silence is the remedy
Living day to day
Working for an entity
Bloodied is the hand
That feeds the underaged minds
Bloodied is your hand
For worshipping Jesus' misleading shine
Push it all aside
The blood is drowning mankind.

Blood for oil, Blood for oil.
Blood for oil, Blood for oil.
Blood for God, Blood for God.
Blood for God, Blood for God.
Its all the same.

Crushing through your bones
Hatred is infront of me
Cutting through the dome
Implanting tattered memories
Splattered on the walls
Are all your enemies
Jihads against a girl
And all that soul meant to me
Trapped inside this body
Putrid with animosity.
A call for trouble, through the wire
A call for trouble, label me a liar

Down into the pit cast all reflections
Silence wretched skin I shattered the mirror
Couldnt take what I was seeing, had to remain sheltered
Fragments of it scratch me, blood down the arm
All we ever do in society is mourn.
Mourn for the old, mourn for the new.
Mourn for the sad pictures all our children drew.
Conform my tattered masses, conform.
The answer is always in one common uniform.
Society never changes, never evolves.
Leap off the cliff, kill myself so all these problems will be solved.

"Death to the heretic!
Kill him for nonbelief!
With science and imagination he reeks!"
Humanity is just a word.

2003-06-25T05:42:00.000-05:00

Current Music: The Promise of Fever by Cradle of Filth
Current Mood: So so.

I'm bleeding, lol. I was excersising on this machine my parents bought on the Black Market I think, haha, and I slipped off of it and scraped around an inch and a half on my right arm right open. It was bleeding somewhat heavily, but I put some of this liquid bandage shit on it- when you put the fucking liquid bandage over the wound it hurts more than when you first got the wound. I didnt feel any pain when I got the wound, but when I put the bandage on it stang like my skin was screaming curses at me out of the wound, lol. Piece of shit medicine is causeing pain.

I am appalled at how many Americans dont know about the Korean war as much as they should, most people online that I know dont give a shit. But this one fact makes it clearly one of the worst "forgotten" wars in history- in the 3 years of the Korean war, more Americans died than in all of Vietnam's years. So here's a synonposis of the War.

On the 25 June 1950, North Korean troops invaded South Korea. The United Nations was quick to respond and immediately encouraged its members to support the South. Many countries sent troops including the USA, Britain, Australia, Canada, India, New Zealand and South Africa. UN Forces were quick to drive the North Koreans back into the North and up to the Yalu river, the border between China and North Korea. China immediately entered the war and pushed UN forces back into the South. The opposing armies faced each other in trenches little more than a mile apart. Armistice negotiations began in July 1951 but with little success. It wasn't until 27 July 1953 than an armistice was signed agreeing that Korea was to remain a divided country.

I heard a sobering story that immediately makes the United States and alot of other nations still reletively good in my eyes. The NBC cameramen stationed in Korea were on the defensive line at the start of the war. A man was shot nearby, and one of them ran up yelling "Goddamnit, if I dont get some help here this man's going to die." So the other NBC cameramen dragged him down and back into the camp, where another wounded man drug himself over, and stared into the man's eyes- he said "Damn it- Goddamnit, they got you Sully. Shame, they got you Sully.."

They thought Sully was going to live, but, covered in his own blood, he suddenly shot up with fists clenched and murmed a few inaudible words, before falling over dead.

Therefore, America, no matter how bad its gotten, still gave alot of life for other people when they needed it. Everyone has. But now, especially when they are under fire- even when President Bush does a 'pre-emptive strike' reminicent of Hitler's Blitzkrieg into Poland and France, it puts to shame the men and women from America who died on foriegn soil for other's freedoms. Britain's freedoms, France's freedoms, Germany's, Russia's, Japan's, Korea's, Vietnam's. Alot of Americans, some of them maybe in personality were like people you know- jokeing around, not really wanting to be there, died.

So maybe, in the end, we should get back together the country and ideals those people died for.

And save some more people that really need it, instead of forming invisible Weapons of Mass Destruction in a distraught middle eastern country.

Bah. What do I know. I'm just silly, melodramatic, always funny, ignore him when he's moody, Ken- Right Juu, AJ, Tori, Travis, Britty.. *lists a ton of people that have offended him in small ways on a few occasions*

---

Quiz Day

FIRE is your chinese symbol!

What Chinese Symbol Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

They should be scared of me, lol.

Brown Eyes

What Color Eyes Should You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

O_<

Geek

What's Your Personality Type?
brought to you by Quizilla

No one can acheive this level of geek-dom, thank you.

What Kinda' Devil Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

My Monster Name is Oni Oni are the typical monster villains of traditional Japanese myth. The creatures come in all shapes and sizes: usually giant-sized and with too many horns. The role of the Oni is to rampage and pillage until a hero arrives to slay it or trick it into leaving. Onis come in all shapes and sizes in roleplaying games too and range through from small goblins to powerful demons. The Levenshtein distance between Ken and Oni is 2.

Powered by GameWyrd

<^>

Cruelty and the Beast:
You are "Cruelty and the Beast",
essentially you are a notorious and beautifull
killer, with a lust for blood, you crave and
bathe in it. Pale and suductive.

What Cradle of Filth CD are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*jams to his new favorite band*

----
Uhm...you need to get help before it's to
late...You will probably commit suicide
soon...just make sure you have absolytely
NOTHING to live for, because even though you
don't know, there will probably be some people
who DO care about you, and they would miss you
very hard!!!

Are you just going to keep cutting or will you commit suicide someday?
brought to you by Quizilla
---

The following are quizzes to prove to the world I am the Metal God.

---
METAL HEAD ROCKER!!!!! ROCK ON!!!!!

Are you a metal head?
brought to you by Quizilla
---
You are a true Metal-Head

Are You a True Metal-Head
brought to you by Quizilla
---
you make me sooo happy your one of my kind you
understand that these posers should be stopped

goths or metalheads do u know your bands?
brought to you by Quizilla
---

You are: Phil, The epitome of metal, u reign in
blood, go kick some Nu metal ass!!

HOW FUKKING METAL ARE U!!!??
brought to you by Quizilla
---

You are Slayer

What death metal band are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
---

The Song That Ruled Today for Ken

The Promise of Fever
Performed by Cradle of Filth

In the beginning
Rimmed with wind and storm
A great black wrath of infinite math
Spat snarling into form
And there was Heaven
Lit up with precious stones
Each one could fall but for the rule
Of Faith and love and stronger thrones

And therein rose vast wonders
Affections to be seen
Fathered from the plundered
Reflections of a dream

Fogging into nightmare
For him whose place was set
With wayward stars that absent, marred
All creation with their theft

In the beginning
Bewinged and ringed with dawn
This favoured Avatar, enthralled
Swansongs from those that thronged this shore
With Gabriel and Michael
He shone with fierce intent
For loyalty, their joy to see
Him spur the hymns to heaven (sent)

For sculptured lips of seraphim
Whom fate then cruelly rent
(With sleight fingered strains of harmony)
Each note to grim portent

As grinning nimbus gathered
Over spires arabesque
For Him that blazed with holy praise
That for a jealous God was meant

Shining Feriluce
Lustrous scourge of fallen spirits
Basked in glory, flew
To lakes in sacred altitudes

Sweet haunting music swathed the breeze
With curling tongues that lapped the lead
As through thick mountain mist (with thoughts adrift)
Until at last, past grasping trees

He paused to draught forbidden streams
That whispered siren promises
To drown his thirst (for sports amiss)

These waters held secrets
Like raped Russian dolls
Wherein evil and good
Tore his soul for control

And drunk with the verse of desire's first words
The weight of the universe
Slunk in rehearsed

Horror in numbers too great to discern
The rotting of worlds to the conqueror worm
And love a rare orchid so fragile in bloom
Espied gasping breath under dark sheeted moons

Shining Feriluce
Reflected in jaded mirror
Climbing from the noose
Of time in divine servitude

And thus a strange new melody
Of will and wanton fantasies
Whetted by the veiled, seen
Danced from his ashen lips
In red dawn scores, the silver scream
Of truth and her deleted scenes
Was taken up as far, it seemed
As God his words eclipsed

(Those waters hid visions
Like butchers in war
Perverting the course
Of life's blood evermore...)
In the beginning
Skinned well with gibbous tones
Of countenance and ignorance
In equal measures sewn
A marbled arc of Angels
Sworn to the morningstar
Shared His pride and deep inside
Felt Chill Shadows sweep their cards
---

That song fucking rules. Download it.

2003-06-23T06:17:00.000-05:00

Little Known Bloody History Day
Following written with various scattered contributing sites being the only helpful knowledge I could have.

The Carandiru Massacre
By Kenneth Howell.

Friday, October 2nd, 1992. Brazil.

In Sao Paulo, Brazil; Latin America's largest prison complex Casa da Detenção, commonly referred to as 'Carandiru' rioting broke out. It is speculated from the poor quality of the prison system in Brazil caused the dissent, but the exact reason is not exactly known as will be revealed.

An operation to "curb the rebellion inside the prison" and "avoid the killing of police men" took place on that date, and it went down in history.

Over 200 armed Military Police with helicopters and police dogs stormed the complex, and in the aftermath of it all 111 inmates lay dead and scores wounded- but it wasnt a battle. It was a massacre of historic proportions, a clear violation of every moral right a human could have. Brazil could not stop the brutality of it's police.

The inmates knew immediately they could not fight against machine guns and trained dogs with their basic knifes and razors, immediately surrendering to avoid conflict. Most of the 111 were naked at the time of the killing, a clear signal that they had no counter attack in plan and meant no more threat to the police- nothing hidden, nothing left to be found on a naked body. The bodies were full of bullets and bites from the police dogs, brutal in all forms of the word.

Official reports state that all shots were fired in one direction- from the enterence of the cells to the rear, meaning that there were no other shots being fired but from the police; 75% of all that were shot, were still in their cells- their killers standing at the doorways. . Those very holes also indicate that many of the prisoners were on their knees, begging for their lives when they were shot. The violence of the cops left the whole pavillion destroyed after the rebellion, and yet the police tryed to hide the massacre saying there were only eight deaths.

80% of those killed had not received any sentanceing yet, and were in the prison awaiting the final sentence that would prove them guilty or not- and half those killed were under 25. Furthermore, evidence had been tampered with since the bodies of the prisoners were quickly removed and piled up on a patio before the first investigators could arrive, meaning that forensic and ballistic tests could not be carried out in the area of the crime. Weapons confiscated from the police shortly after the incident showed signs of having been fired in the recent past prior to the investigation.

It of no suprise if you stop out of the box, since the violence of Brasilian cops is very well known outside of Brasil. This kind of extermination is a method that they use to get rid of the overpopulation in the jails.

Among the 121 policemen charged with the crime, one is the top-rank military official who led the attack. But Colonel Ubiratan Guimaraes, the leader of the attack, is now somewhat immune to justice - he has been elected a member of the Legislative Assembly (the state legislative body), which invests him with the so-called "parliamentary immunity". With this privilege, initially designed to allow free speach to members of parliament, he is not liable to stand trial, unless the Assembly formally allows the court to do so.

Thusly, with no police in jail for over ten years, and the leader having immunity for another 10 the massacre remains unpayed for.

Holocaust, Body piles
Confrontation, Mutilation
Discipline, Ignorance
Conflagration, Torture

2003-06-19T05:45:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Canon in D major by Pachelbel
Current Mood: The most depressed i've been in a long time.

My grandmother is in a Nursing Home now. The same one my last Grandmother died in, actually. Its sort of nonchalant now, the way human society deals with death. Its become a business, to where we pay people to bury our own dead and give us false sympathy. The history of our race, death has been the final door in the dungeon, the last dark tunnel. Whats beyond we dont know- yet we've degressed to the point that its become a multi-million dollar busines to handle the dead? When I die, someone's going to be paid to merely make me look nice for a funeral and place me in a plot of ground. Even te ground in which i'm buried costs my family money.

If there was ever a social theorum before this, I do hope that they didnt have to pay someone else to bury their dead.

I argued with my mom last night about God. I put up the arguement that I am merely saying that I, as a human being, are too imperfect to know if there is a God or isnt a god- because I am. The theories that we create to please our own yearning for a higher source that cares grieves me so. If I step back and look at myself, I am merely a man- A man made of flesh. We live to work, to theorize, to reach out. Then we die, we die in midswing. The process of dieing renders us physically weak, sometimes not strong enough to continue our dreams. The wish for another life to continue this great dance creates religion- the hope that maybe this cycle of pain and death that is self induced will end.

I cant tell you if there is a God. I dont believe in the bible because it was written by people as imperfect as I, and as such I will not put my faith in another man who claims to be inspired by God. I want to see a God's works with my own eyes. If that is too much to ask, then I will be sent down one of the paths that the heretics and sinners go, depending on your choice of religion. Martyrs for science are never remembered, but too many martyrs for religion are.

Maybe, all this time we've just been to scared to realize that death is just that. The end of life. And after that? Nothingness. An eternal pitch black slumber, like the ones you have where you sleep, and then you wake 8 hours later.

Maybe all the memories you keep of dead people, all the things we do are just blind, vain hope. Everything that I do is just vain, blind hope. We cant bring back the dead.. their souls die with them. I- I admit defeat before death, because its more powerful than us all. And when you die, all your memories of me will be for nothing to.

So everything is worthless. What we touch, what we think. We're just worthless items created by a cruel twist of chance or from a God that I am dissapointed in.

And every single day you wake up.. and you do your shit.

And then one day, you'll just never wake up..

But I wont be able to say 'I told you so'.

Because, you.. will be dead.

2003-06-16T03:04:00.000-05:00

SAN ANTONIO FUCKING SPURS WON THE WORLD NBA CHAMPIONSHIP!

EAT THAT YOU DUMBFUCK LAKERS! BEATEN IN ROUND 2!

GO SPURS! CONGRATULATIONSSSSS WE WONNNN!!!!!!!

2003-06-15T20:01:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Sellout by Biohazard
Current Mood: -_-

It'ssssss....

QUIZ DAY

The Jackal

What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bother, Corey Taylor.

Whats Your Suicide Ballad?
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What type of Bishounen are you? Find out at artificial-soul.net by Rin.

You are Revelation.

Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Brian Molko!

Who are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What the fuck was with that quiz? I dont get it.

Your soul came from the Bowels of HELL! You're a
demon preying on the mortals of Earth. BACK TO
HELL WITH YOU!

Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

Karl Marx - Marx held that the foundations of
reality lay in the material base of economics
rather than in the abstract thought of
idealistic philosophy. Above all else, Marx
believed that philosophy ought to be employed
in practice to change the world. Marx and his
colleague Friedrich Engels issued the Communist
Manifesto in the explicit hope of precipitating
social revolution. This work describes the
class struggle between proletariat and
bourgeoisie, distinguishes communism from other
socialist movements, proposes a list of
specific social reforms, and urges all workers
to unite in revolution against existing
regimes. "Social history is nothing other
than a record of past struggles between
distinct social classes."

The Philosopher's Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Heart is Grey

What Color is Your Heart?
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Rock on, dude! You are Punk music!

What type of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Goddess of the Night. Beautiful yet a strange
darkness and sadness lurk about you.

What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

Whoa, its Ken as a cute girl. o_O

Kill someone by the sword

How would you kill someone
brought to you by Quizilla

Black:
PEOPLE SUCK THE WORLD SUCKS EVERYBODY SHOULD BE
KILLED AND BLEED TO DEATH TILL THE COLD EARTH
SOAKS IN BLOOD. Well, you're angry at the
world. For reasons who knows, but you
definately hate life.
href=http://www.saradover.com>Made by
Sara

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-06-10T15:07:00.000-05:00

[my name is]: Kenneth Andrew Howell.
[in the morning I am]: comedic.
[all I need is]: music, money, friends, and a knife.
[love is]: a word.
[I'm afraid of]: Losing friends.
[I dream about]: destroying organized religion, and sometimes just random shit. Depends on my mood really.

-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or Pepsi} : Coke.
[flowers or candy]: Flowers.
[tall or short]: Tall.

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: Boobs, Face, Hair, General figure.
[dream boy/girlfriend]: No one.
[do you believe in love at first sight?]: Yes.

-W H O-
[makes you laugh the most?]: Prolly Neil. He and I have the strangest conversations.
[makes you smile]: No one anymore.
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: *grins*
[has a crush on you?]: Rumor states Kim does, she lives down the street.
[do you find easiest to talk to]: Everyone. Thats apart of being blunt.

-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?]: I sit on the internet all day anyway, cable modems do that you know.
[save aol/aim conversations]: yea. generally important ones, or one's I want to quote in here. Also sometimes I play message boy between a certain couple.
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: Often.

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: Ben.
[hugged]: My dog.
[you instant messaged]: Neil.
[you laughed with]: My mother.

-D O .Y O U-
[color your hair]: I will. -_- I will.
[ever get off the damn computer]: Only when I go to bed do I shut it down.
[habla espanol]: Si, que pasa mi amigo?

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: Yes.
[could you live without the computer?]: Eventually, will anyone be able to?
[what's your favourite food?]: Pussy.
[what's your favourite fruit?]: Prolly cherrys.
[drink alcohol?]: When i'm down in the dumps.
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: Sunsets.
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: Emotional pain can trigger physical pain.
[trust others way too easily?]: No.

-N U M B E R-
[of times I have had my heart broken? ]: Twice.
[of hearts I have broken?]: 3.
[of boys I have kissed?]: *grins* Oh i've kissed so many boys. ;P
[of girls I have kissed?]: I dunno. I dont really think to count.
[of continents I have lived in?]: 1.
[of tight friends?]: In all, 10.
[of cd's that i own?]: Let me go count. [edit] 59, give or take since i've lost a few and prolly some are strone in odd places.
[of scars on my body?]: 4.
[of things in my past that i regret?]: 9.

I KNOW: shit that no one gives a fuck about, heh.
I HAVE: but one dream and that is to live all dreams.
I WISH: that everyone I know be blessed with good fortune, i'd give my life for that.
I HATE: alot.
I MISS: Andy, Chris and Angela.
I FEAR: Myself.
I HEAR: Music.
I SEARCH: for knowledge, happiness, and the people's ideals.
I REGRET: forgeing my parent's signature on that one progress report, never telling Nelly how much I truely loved her the last day I saw her, lieing to the people on Lineage, ever being born, trusting myself. etc.
I LOVE: my friends, the feeling of a good plan going right, takeing risks, adventure.
I ACHE: in my heart.
I CARE: for little, and for that little alot.
I ALWAYS: amuse myself.
I AM NOT: here for your pleasure.
I DANCE: sometimes.
I SING: when I can.
I CRY: rarely.
I DO NOT ALWAYS: respond to IMs because i'm pissed.
I WRITE: poetically.
I WIN: alot of stuff. I'm lucky for no reason.
I LOSE: my temper.
I CONFUSE: the stupid.
I LISTEN: to metal.
I CAN USUALLY B0 FOUND: in my thoughts.
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: Juu's good choice.

1. Name you prefer to be called? Ken.
2. Have you ever thought a different zodiac sign would be better suited to your personality? No.
3. What's a strange word that's been used to describe you? Fluffy Owl.
4. Where were you when you first learned about the 9-11 attacks? I was asleep, and my mom beat on my door, telling me to turn on CNN. I did and was sort of dumbfounded for a second, then keenly interested.
5. Would you rather have a photographic memory or mental telepathy? As a telepath you could access someone's photographic memory.
6. Have you ever been afraid you'd see something horrible when you looked in the mirror? Like what? The creator of this quiz?
7. How do you perform under pressure? I'm extremely more streamlined under pressure, especially tactically.
8. Do you have more love in your heart or ideas in your head? Ideas in my head.
9. What's one thing about yourself you just don't understand? Why i'm nice.
10. What's the most difficult thing about being you? Pain.
11. What's one of the most interesting screen names you've ever seen? My old SN, CowBoySmokinWeed
12. what would you title your life story? Sevas Tra.

2003-06-07T16:10:00.000-05:00

Current Music: What It Is To Burn By Finch [Download it, its my theme song for the day, lol.]
Current Mood: Depressed.

IRL Journal Entry for 6/4/2003

Dear Journal,

I went to supper after talking to Reina, looking foreward to comeing back and speaking to her the rest of the night, or at least a few more minutes. I was hopeing we could grow closer together again, and spend alot of the summer together, and that by the end of the summer I might finally be totally alright with myself and the world, just a few more months of healing. I came back and Reina had left me two to three messages for me while I was away. I saw she had signed off, so I sat down to read them.

She dumped me because she wasnt sure she was loveing me as much as I loved her, she doubted she was my soulmate, and she said the distance was killing her. My intial thought was "that selfish bitch, the distance is killing me as much as her". My mind shattered, literally, for a minute, before I reformed a sense of composure. I thought about it for a second, and I started to cry a bit, I wouldnt allow myself to break into a sob because it is pointless to cry over people.

My mom came in a few times, and I literally had to turn away from her so she didnt see me with scattered tears running down my cheek. It was horrible, simply horrible intially. After I stopped crying, there was around a minute before I felt something else reemerge from my past, something Britty specifically knows all too well. I was full of rage and animosity, sadistically amused at the fact that she, a helpless girl whom I had helped hundreds of times, had the audasicity to believe she could be my soulmate. I laughed at my pitiful flirtation with love, the thing that I had abstained from entirely for a year.

I took a knife and slit my arm several times just to calm myself.

Now, its just after seven in the morning and I am feeling the same tired that I felt when I attempted suicide, the tired of life feeling, the lack of any willpower to continue onward. I am not going to heal, and I dont really want to now. All the fucking bullshit I feel is just the same feeling i've had since I first registered coniousness at the age of 2 and a half, the first few things I saw was an arguement, and it conitnues from there.

Scabs reopen. Scars dont.

The scabs didnt have a chance to change into scars this time.
----

Blog Post

When Reina asked if we could be friends later on that night, I wanted to say "No, fuck you" but I just couldnt. I am not going to go out with her again, period, because right now I am finding it hard to not fucking hate her guts. She said that Nelly was most likedly my soulmate and I should try to go back to her- idiotic fuckhead, I cant. She fucking disappeared from my life and it was out of her hands. If I could go back to her I would fuck it, she was better than any other bitch i've seen or had a crush on so far. But I cant, and I prolly never will.

So fuck you.

And fuck you who is reading this.

Fuck my friends who comitted suicide.

Fuck you God, you shitheaded asshole for letting your 'children' go through shit just because you dont have the balls to stand up to whatever evil force exists in this world. You facist shithead, I'm glad your son died. I hope all those that follow your son get killed too, get killed by themselves. Christianity doesnt exist anymore in its true form- You didnt keep it clean, its your fault.

What the fuck is wrong with you, God?

Jehovah the Almighty, the all powerful. You cant even keep people from suffering just because you have some sort of invisible protocal that you are using against Satan. 3,000 fucking years, Jews have killed in your name, Christians have killed in your name. You might not have condoned it, but you could have taught them to not do that in all your 'power'.

I wish Angela was still here.

Song Lyrics of the Day:

What It Is To Burn
Performed by Finch

SHE BURNS

Today's on fire
The sky is bleeding above me, and I am blistered
I walk these lines of blasphemy, every day
And still…

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn.

I feel diseased
Is there no sympathy, from the sun
The sky's still fire
But I am safe in here from the world outside

So tell me
What's the price to pay for glory

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows..
What it is to burn.

Today is fire, and she burns.
Today is fire, and she burns.

SHE BURNS
SHE BURNS
SHE BURNS
SHE BURNS
SHE BURNS
SHE BURNS

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows..

What it is to burn.
----

GRRR *puts fist to head and holds it closely, rocking back and forth IRL*

>.< grrrrrrrr... cant stop feeling angry... FUCK...

I need my knife.. fucking.. fuck.. fuck..

fuck....

2003-06-06T17:19:00.000-05:00

Current Music: I Have Seen Where It Grows by Demon Hunter
Current Mood: Suicidal.

Full Name // Kenneth Andrew Howell
Sex // Male.
Birthday // August 10th, 1988 [lol, Juu was born in the 90's. The only person I regularly talk to that was born in the 90's.]
Where do you live // San Antonio, Texas.
Zodiac Sign // Leo.
What school do you go to // Homeschooled.
What is your mascot // I guess my indoor dog, Joy.
What are your school colors // *decides now* Red and Black.
Nicknames // Ken, Tank, Big Sister, Big Brother, Daddy, South Texas Evil Pope, Evil Clown, DK, DeathKnight, Kenny, Grim Eater, Kitler.
What are your hobbies // Gameing, Chatting, Self Mutilation, Studying, Outdoor Work, Makeing Money, Rapeing Jesus.
Hair color // Black to Dark Brown.
Ever died your hair // Not yet. I really want to. o.o
What color // Blue.
Hair length // Almost to my eyes, just over my ears. Not that long.
Eye color // Brown.
Height // 6'3
Have any pets // 2 Indoor Dogs, 2 Gerbils.
Whats their names // Outdoor Dog is a Border Collie named Susie, Indoor Dog is a Shih Tzu named Joy. My gerbils are Diamond and Ruby.
What do you fear most in the world // [So you fear your cock burning, Juu?] Not much. I guess losing friends.
Do you have braces // No.
Do you have glasses // Yes. But they are backups to my contact lens.
Are you good at school // Yeap.
Shoe size // 18, triple wide. o.O;

*Favorites*

Car // [My parents own a Toyota Avalon, lol.] None, really. I enjoy all kinds of trucks. o.o
Colors // Red and Black.
Teacher // Myself.
Class // History, Science, Civics.
Day of the week // Friday.
Holiday // None.
Season // Winter.
Month // May.
Sport // Basketball.
Movie // Silence of the Lambs.
Actor // Anthony Hopkins, Jim Carrey.
Food // Indian, specifically curry chicken.
Drink // Diet Vanilla Coke, Diet Coke.
Band // Machine Head, Sevendust, (hed) p.e., OTEP, Deftones, Pantera.
Male singer // None.
E-mail buddy // I hate all of those motherfuckers. ;P
Saying // "Life is a path, Death a destination."
Word // Bwee.
Brand of shoes // Whatever my big ass feet can fit into.
Radio station // 99.5 KISS, San Antonio's Best Place For Rock Music.
Room in your house // Den.
Pizza Topping // Mushroom.
State // Texas.
City // San Antonio.
Number // 7.
Cereal // Warlock's-own Bebbie's Brand.
Color // I adore pink. Wait. I mean.. red and black.
Candy // Mexican, any type.
Animal // Ken.
Vegetable // Mushrooms.
Fruit // Mango's. I adore Mango's.
Cartoon // South Park. [Kick ass!- Cartmen]

*Friends*

Best friend // I dont have one. The list is endless, but it includes Tori, Juu, Britty, Neil, Travis, AJ, Ger, Mitch, Mei, Roxie.
Spend most time with // Myself. And most everyone equally.
Who do you have the most inside jokes with // Travis, Juu.

*This or That*

Red or Blue // Red
Pretzels or Potato Chips // Potato Chips.
Jeans or Khakis // Jeans.
Comedy or Drama // Comedy.
Computer or TV // Computer.!
Gold or Silver // Silver.
Outgoing or Shy // Outgoing.
Tall or Short // Tall.
Breakfast or Dinner // What is this 'breakfast'?
Day or Night // Night.
Radio or Cd's // CDs.
Internet or Phone // Internet..
98 degrees or O-town // Haha.
how about happy or sad // Sad.
Guy or girl // Girls.
Sexy or Cute // Cute.
Tough or wimpy // Tough.
Strong or weak // Strong.
Funny or hilarious // Hailarious.
Summer or winter // Winter.
Love or lust // No comment.
Friends or family // Friends, I hate my family.
Car or truck // Truck.
Dog or cat // Dog.
Walk or run // Walk.
Inside or outside // Inside.
Thunder or lightning // Thunder comes before lightning, therefore..
Rain or snow // Rain.
Hail or sleet // Hail.
Sunny or cloudy // Cloudy.
Loud or quiet // Loud.
Mcdonalds or Burger king // Burger King.
Hardee's or Arby's // What the fuck is Hardee's?
Rebel or goodie goodie // Rebel.
Coffee or tea // Coffee.
Coke or pepsi // Coke.
Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper // Dr. Pepper.
White chocolate or normal chocolate // Normal. .
Britney or Christina // I like both their bodies.
Black or white // White.
Chocolate or vanilla // Vanilla.
Diary or journal // Journary.
Writing or typing // Typing.
Cold or hot // Cold.
Pen or pencil // Pen.
Candle or insence // Candles.
Plain paper or lined paper // Lined.
Blonde or brunette // Brunette.
Curly or straight // Straight.
Blanket or sleeping bag // Blanket.
Shower or bath // Shower. Bath's are for women. Plus i'm too long for the bloody bathtub, o.O;.
Body wash or soap // Body wash, it makes my nipples erect. Wait. I shouldnt have said that.
Purfume or Body spray // Piss.
American Eagle or Abercrombie // *burns some preps*
Hamburgers or hotdogs // Hotdogs.
Great America or Universal Studios // Who gives half a-
Pochahontas or Mulan // I'd fuck both of them.
Swimmer's ear or ear infection // Ebola.
Pop tart or toaster strudels // Pop Tarts.
Chicken or turkey // Turkey.
MTV or VH1 // MuchMusic USA.
Shorts or pants // Pants.
Tank tops or t-shirts // T-Shirts.
Mandy moore or Jessica Simpson // No.
Rich and dumb or Poor and smart // Poor and Smart. If you were rich and dumb, you wouldnt have the smarts to spend your money anyway, and if you were poor and smart you could easily attain that money with your smarts.
Markers or colored pencils // Colored pencils.
Boxers or briefs // [Briefs are like the speedo-undies.] Boxers. Briefs cramp on my penis. I wish I could take my penis out more. Coughcough anyonewanttohavesomesex coughcough.
Nike or Adidas // Adidas.
Mercedes or BMW // BWM.
Army or Navy // Army.
Orange or grape // Grape.
Lime or lemon // Lime.
Striped or plaid // Striped.
Innie or outie // Innie.
Hot tub or sauna // Sauna.
Land or water // Water.
Sneeze or cough // Sneeze.
Skittles or M&M's // Skittles.
Truth or dare // Truth.
Letterman or Leno // Leno is inheritly better.
SNL or mad tv // SNL.
Drummers or guitar players // Drummers.

*Which way would you spell it?*

Megan or Meghan // Megan.
Lacey or Lacy // Lacey.
Steven or Stephen // Those arent the same words. You pronounce Stephen 'Stef-en' and Steven 'Stee-vin'.
Kurt or Curt // Kurt.
Mark or Marc // Mark.
Brandi or Brandy // Brandi.
Eric or Erik // Eric.
Corrine or Carine // Carine.
Kari or Carrie // Kari.
Jackie or Jackqui // Jackie.
Deseray or Desirae // Desirae.
Ashley or Ashleigh // Ashley.
Their or there // You're a dumbass. There I guess.
Two, too, or to // You're still a dumbass. Too I suppose.
Here or hear // Here.

*Love Life*

Do you have a crush // Yes.
How old are they // 14.
How long have you liked him or her // A month or so.
If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be // The Goddess of Love. What a night that would be,.
Do you prefer being the dumper or the dumpee // Dumpee.
Do you think there is a person for everyone // Yes.
If yes, do you know who yours is // No- No I dont. Not anymore. I did twice, and both times I was wrong and I died.
Do you believe in love at first sight // Depends.
Have you ever been in love // 3 times.
Do you have a b/f or g/f // Nope.
What do you like about your crush or bf/gf // She's fun, got a good sense of humor. I like her blonde hair, and her name. She might not go out with me, but I was glad I met her a couple of months ago when I did. :D She's quite pretty too. .
When was your first kiss in your life // 11.

*Past*

First grade teacher's name // Miss Battalia.
Last word you said // Done.
Last song you sang // What I Got by Sublime, while I was mowing.
Last meal you ate // Lunch, Chicken Fajitas with Spainish Rice. Picco De Gallo, Salsa, Corn Tortillas.
Favorite childhood cartoon // Sailor Moon.
What do you hate most about school // Nothing.
Last person you flipped off // My parents. o.O;
Last song stuck in your head // Bulldozer by Machine Head.
Last time you bled // Last night. I cut my arm.

*Present*

What's in your CD player // I dont bloody know. I think I was listening to Sevendust.
What's in your Tape Player// Spainish tape. o.o
Wearing // No shirt, white socks, breifs. Jeans with a belt. Chain necklace, gothic ring.
What's under your bed // Storage boxes. Also a monster I named "Jude", so I can say "Hey Jude.."
What's the weather like // 789 Degrees, not a cloud in the sky. I can hear Satan.
What time did you wake up today //11:33.
Did you think it was earlier, later, or on time // On time.

*Future*

Who do you want to marry // Its all in the air now.
Are you going to college // Yeap.
If so, how long do you want to go // Till I can get a Doctrate and be Dr. Howell.
Where do you want to go // Somewhere away from here.
What is your career going to be // Meteorologist.
Where are you going to live // No clue.
How many kids do you want // 3 girls, one boy.
Kids names girls // Jennifer Nicole Howell, Ashley Marie Howell, Natasha Daniella Howell.
Kids names boys // Kenneth Andrew Howell The Second, Mark Antonio Howell, Tristan Jerimiah Howell.
Where do you want your honeymoon // Germany.
What kind of car will you have // well my first car is set in stone already. I'm getting a 92' Toyota Truck, so I reckon i'll wear that thing in awhile just to save money.

*Have you ever*

Smoked // Yes.
Been Drunk // Yes.
Been high // Yes.
Done drugs // Yes.
Skinny dipped // Yes.
Stole // Yes.
Met someone off the internet (in person) // Yes.
Been in a fist fight // Yes.
Been in a cat fight // Well a girl slapped me and started a fight. o.O I sort of punched her out. o.o;
Wanted to kill someone // My fathers, My mothers, All Christian Extremeists/Those I dont like.
Fell off a chair // Yes, and what a fall it was.

*Other*

Do you like your handwriting // Yes.
If you could be anybody, who would you be and why // Chris. He's dead.
Which superhero would you be // None of them. They are all faggots. o.O;
Do you have any piercings // I will.
Any tattoos // I will, trust me.
If so where are the piercings // Through my dick, shitwad.
If not, where and what do you want // eyebrow.
Are you picky // Not really. o.O
What makes you cry // Love.
What makes you mad // [Man Juu, your penis must burn alot. kekeke...] Alot of things.
What do you think of Eminem // Well I think that i'm...
Do you like cartoons // Yea.
Do you believe in heaven // Yes, but we dont go there.
Do you believe in God // Well I am Agnostic.
Do you think there is a hell // No.
Do you believe in the devil // Yes. Humanity gave evil a name, therefore we created him, therefore it exists now.
When you get mad, do you swear a lot // I dont have to be mad to swear alot, asswipe.
Got milk // In my titties?
Do you have a magic 8 ball // I am a magic 8 ball.
Ever worn black nail polish // Yea.
Do you have your own tv and dvd // Yea.
Do you believe in fate // Yea.
Do you see dead people // *looks at Britty, then to Travis* No comment.
Are you a good speller // I spell how I talk.
Do you ever steal anything from hotels // I stole one of those Gideonites bibles.
Do you want to be the first person on the sun when you grow up? // lol.

*What do these words make you think of*

Rainbow // A group of individuals.
Frog // Black.
Carol // Christmas.
Soldier // Corruption.
Star // Arrogance.
Ticket // Future.
Breakfast // Lunch.

*More This or That..ehh*

Florida or California? // Texas. o.O
Sprite or 7-UP? // Sprite.
Mountains or the beach? // Mountains. You can see the beach.
Savage Garden or BB Mak? // What the fuck is wrong with you.
AIM or MSN Messenger? // AIM.
Geography or Math? // Geography.
Leonardo DeCaprio - hot or not // His nose is weird..
Private schools or Public schools? // Public.
Email or Phone? // Email.
Baseball or Basketball? // Basketball.
Do you like quieter people or extremely outgoing people? // Shy. Its kawaii.
Sun or Moon? // Moon.
Christmas or Your Birthday? // I dont celebrate either..
Blue or Purple? // Blue.
Creed or Blink-182? // Neither.
Gelly Roll pens or Milky Pens? // Gelly Rolls.
Gap or Limited? // *burns some more preps*
Bath & Body Works or The Body Shop? // *burns some clean preps*.
Australia or Africa? // Africa. Back to the Roots.
Fliriting or Good Conversation // Good conversation.
Which is scarier: tornado, hurricane, or earthquake? // Hurricanes cause Tornados, so Hurricanes. Bloody floods nearly wiped my house away last time.
Middle School or High School? // Middle. Its the last place I was before homeschooling.
Wavy/curly hair or straight hair? // Straight.
Blue eyes or Brown eyes? // Blue.
Gelled hair or un-gelled hair (for guys)? // I hate gel.
Nintendo 64 or Playstation? // Playstation is better than the Nintendo 64, it outsold the Nintendo 64, it had better games than the Nintendo 64, it had longer games than the Nintendo 64, and its cooler looking than the Nintendo 64. Its amazing how the Playstation was a Nintendo project intill they rejected it- and then it outsold Nintendo's crappy cartridge units. Goddamn Nintendo, you stupid fuckers started sucking.
Guinea Pigs or Hamsters? // Hamsters.
Bikinis or Tankinis? // Bikinis.
Hawaii or the Bahamas? // Hawaii.

*Last Person*

You Talked to on the phone // Ben.
You Talked to online // Tori, just now.
You Hugged // Ashley. o.O;
You Yelled At // My mom.
Who Broke Your Heart // Reina.

*Are You*

Understanding // Depends on if I believe I should be understanding with you.
Open-minded // 90 percent.
Arrogant // Yes.
Insecure // No.
Interesting // I dont fucking know.
Random // Tut tut, cheerio.
Hungry // For sex.
Friendly // Not really. Not unless I know you..
Smart // Yea.
Moody // Day by day it changes.
Childish // For sure.
Independent// Definately.
Hard working // Not really.
Organized // Nope.
Healthy// I guess.
Emotionally Stable // I was born suicidal. o.O
Shy // People seem to think I am. I just shut up when I have nothing to say.
Difficult // Yes.
Attractive // No.
Bored Easily // Yes..
Messy // Yes.
Thirsty // Uh.
Responsible// Yea.
Obsessed // No.
Angry // Yes.
Sad // Yes.
Happy // No.
Hyper // No.
Trusting // No.
Talkative // Sorta.
Legal // Nope.
Original // I dont care if I am or not.
Unique // Yes.
Ignored // Sometimes.
Reliable // No.
Content // No.
Optimistic // No.
Deep thinker // Yes.
Sleepy // No.
Lonely // Nope.
Sex// Are you sex? o.o What?
Attracted to the opposite sex// Yes. oo;

*5 things..*
5 things that scare you:
1. Myself.
2. Loss.
3. Lack of control.
4. Armageddon.
5. Social Activites.

5 things you love:
1. Finishing RPGs.
2. My sister.
3. Flirting.
4. Facing fears.
5. Nothing.

5 things you hate:
1. Christians.
2. My parents.
3. Myself.
4. God.
5. Happiness.

5 negative things about you:
1. I'm a sadist.
2. I'm a fascist.
3. I am blunt.
4. I can lie perfectly.
5. I dont care whats negetive about me.

5 positive things about you:
1. I'd rather have my friends say, because I am not that self centered.
2. Ditto to above.
3. Ditto to above.
4. Ditto to above.
5. Ditto to above.

5 of your favorite quotes:
1. "Fascism should more appropriately be called corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power." -- Benito Mussolini
2. "We are but-" - Chris last line in his suicide note.
3. "Now that you've found out some more about me, I wonder how long it'll be before you leave."
4. "Strike chaotically and we will die chaotically, strike with passion and victory will make the fire burn brighter." - Myself.
5. "I SAID HEY HEY HEY MY BUTTS TOO BIG, MY BREASTS ARE FLAPPING, AND I'M WEARIN A WIG." - Myself

just the basics...
* ` - O1. name -; Kenneth Andrew Howell.
* ` - O2. date of birth -; August 10th, 1988.
* ` - O3. age -; 14, nearly 15.
* ` - O4. sex -; Male.
* ` - O5. height -; 6'3.
* ` - O6. location -; San Antonio, Texas.
* ` - O7. hair color -; Dark Brown to Black.
* ` - O8. eye color -; Brown.
* ` - O9. sexual preference -; Cows.

now onto the questions...
* ` - O001. what do you think of cheerleading -; I It's fucking retarded. All those little punk ass preps danceing around cheering for a team that most likely sucks ass. Cheerleading is just a clique with a hobby.
* ` - O002. favorite Disney character -; Stitch.
* ` - O003. what brand of deordorant do you use -; Uhhh. RightGuard Sport, PowerStripe.
* ` - O004. of the people you've kissed, who was the worst kisser -; Angel. lol. She's gonna kill me.
* ` - O005. do you know anyone who you think is homosexual, but say they aren't -; Yes.
* ` - O006. do you know anyone who is homosexual -; Yes.
* ` - O007. do you know anyone who is bisexual -; Yes.
* ` - O008. do you know anyone named Leroy -; Yes.
* ` - O009. do you like pickles -; Bread and butter.
* ` - O010. do you have a website -; Yeap.
* ` - O011. do you watch porn -; Yeap. With Juu and Tori in it.
* ` - O012. are you black -; By blood like 5 percent.
* ` - O013. are you an ocean lover -; Aye.
* ` - O014. who are you gonna vote for -; Is there an American socialist party>
* ` - O015. do you have your own phone line -; No.
* ` - O016. your thoughts on abortion -; Its their choice.
* ` - O017. do you like britney spears -; I am Britney Spears, stupid fuckup.
* ` - O018. do you wanta britney doll -; Voodoo?
* ` - O019. what do you want for christmas -; Death. wait. I dont celebrate Christmas. Damn.
* ` - O020. do you have your 2 front teeth -; Last I checked.
* ` - O021. what do you want to do with your life -; Murder.
* ` - O022. ever been butt naked bangin on the bathroom floor -; Yes.
* ` - O023. would you ever get plastic surgery, if so, on what -; No.
* ` - O024. biggest redneck you know -; lol. Jones'. Collin Jones.
* ` - O025. last time you went to a skating rink -; Last month.
* ` - O026. last time you went to a bowling alley -; Last month.
* ` - O027. what perfume / cologne do you wear -; Whitewater by Old Spice.
* ` - O028. do you think foreign accents are sexy -; I dunno.
* ` - O029. do you like jell-o -; Yea.
* ` - O030. do you like hot dogs -; Yes.
* ` - O031. brand of toothpaste -; Whatever my mom buys.
* ` - O031. last time at the doctor -; I dunno. A month and a half ago.
* ` - O033. do you think ricky martin is gay -; ...*thinks*.
* ` - O034. do you think tractors are sexy -; ...Say again?
* ` - O035. do you have a credit card -; No.
* ` - O036. do you love your mom -; Yes.
* ` - O037. do you love your mom as much as Norman Bates did in PSYCHO -; No.
* ` - O038. ever taken ballet -; No.
* ` - O039. favorite juice -; Grape.
* ` - O040. last time you used the restroom -; A few moments ago.
* ` - O041. most attractive person you know -; Tori.
* ` - O042. do you have any diseases -; NASH. Non Alcoholic Stato-Hepatitis.
* ` - O043. last book you read -; The Many Merry Adventures of Robin Hood.
* ` - O044. white, dark or milk chocolate -; Milk.
* ` - O045. ever dyed your hair -; Nope.
* ` - O046. what brand of shampoo and conditioner do you use -; Head and Shoulders.
*` - O047. favorite holiday -; None.
* ` - O048. thing you hate most about your body -; *shrugs* o.o
* ` - O049. do you still play with barbies -; o.O I never played with BArbies. o.o
* ` - O050. last thing you rode in or on -; Toyota Avalon.
* ` - O051. are men really from mars -; Yes I am. I mean-
* ` - O052. do you have chores -; Whatever needs to be done.
* ` - O053. last time you smoked a cigarette -; A few hours ago.
* ` - O054. last time you smoked pot -; A few months ago.
* ` - O055. are you depressed -; Yes.
* ` - O056. what do you wear to the beach -; My scales. Wait- What?
* ` - O057. do you believe in angels -; Yes.
* ` - O058. would you ever join the army -; I lead armies.
* ` - O059. do you want a puppy -; I have two dogs.
* ` - O060. ever had a kick me sign on you -; Nope.
* ` - O061. how about a lick me sign -; Yeap.
* ` - O062. favorite icing -; Lets talk about sex.
* ` - O063. are you a flirt -; yea.
* ` - O064. last time you were scared -; I cant remember.
* ` - O065. last party you went to -; Going Away Party for Tomo, she's headed back to Japan.
* ` - O066. do you do your own laundry -; No.
* ` - O067. what detergent do you use -; Feces.
* ` - O068. what fabric softner do you use -; Vodka.
* ` - O069. are your nails real or fake -; Real.
* ` - O070. do you get jiggy with it -; Not really.
* ` - O071. do you live in the wild wild west -; Yes, actually. lol
* ` - O072. what do you wish your name was -; Fuck Jesus.
* ` - O073. favorite actor -; Anthony Hopkins.
* ` - O074. favorite actress -; Me-.. er.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. . . .. . .. . .. .. >.>
* ` - O075. are your parents divorced -; Yes.
* ` - O076. would you ever wear a waterbra -; Of course I do.
* ` - O077. do you work out -; Not really.
* ` - O078. are you muscular -; Yea.
* ` - O079. are you flabby -; Yea.
* ` - O080. are you fat -; Yea.
* ` - O081. are you skinny -; I dont want to be skinny. o.O;
* ` - O082. do you take lots of pictures -; Yes.
O083. favorite tv show -; Late Night With Conan O Brian.
* ` - O084. do you want a baby -, [Juu, you'll be over 30 in 20 years. Try 10, dorkwad.] I want my wife to have one. If she wants to.
* ` - O085. ever thought you were pregnant -; Oh yes, all the time.
* ` - O086. last time you were sick -; Few weeks ago.
* ` - O087. butter or margarine -; Butter's better.
* ` - O088. your feelings on mcdonald chicken nuggets-; alright!
* ` - O089. favorite movies -; Silence of the Lambs.
* ` - O090. do you believe in santa clause -; I think James is Santa Clause.
* ` - O091. do you go to a tanning salon -; No.
* ` - O093. do you have a car -; Yes.
* ` - O094. do you have your license -; 1 more year.
* ` - O095. how do you get around -; car, walking, bike.
* ` - O096. favorite rugrats character -; Spike.
* ` - O097. got milk -; In my titties, ass.
* ` - O098. do you sniff markers -; Who am I?
* ` - O099. are you dissatisfied with your hair color-; Not really
* ` - O100. what kind of jewelry do you wear -; necklace, rings.
* ` - O101. what do you think of *//\\//SYNC -; NStink?
* ` - O102. have you ever modeled -; No.
* ` - O103. do you shop from catalogs -; No.
* ` - O104. what do you like the preferred sex (or sexes) to wear -; Nothing.
* ` - O105. do you have a cell -; No.
* ` - O106. what do you think of eminem -; I already told you, I am Eminem..
* ` - O107. favorite kind of gum -; Fascist Gum.
* ` - O108. would you ever get a tattoo -; Yea
* ` - O109. do you think lil bow wow is cute -; No.
* ` - O110. have you seen charlie's angels, the movie -; No.
* ` - O111. what magazines are you subscribed to -; Popular Science, Astronomy.
* ` - O112. do you believe your horoscope -; Halfway.
* ` - O113. what's your sign -; Leo.
* ` - O114. do you like coffee -; With the proper sugar and cream, yes.
* ` - O115. pen or pencil -; The Pen is Mightier Than The Sword.
* ` - O116. are you ghetto -; I'm in a gang.
* ` - O117. favorite lip gloss -; o.o
* ` - O118. do you wear a watch -; Yea.
* ` - O119. sunglasses -; Yea.
* ` - O120. ever use nair -; No.
* ` - O121. ever been to the mall of america -; No.
* ` - O122. do you want a leather jacket -; I have one. o.O;
* ` - O123. ever ridden a motorcycle -; Yes.
* ` - O124. do you think justin timberlake and britney spears had sex -; Well i'll have to check miss Spears out, i'm a certified gynecologist you know.
* ` - O125. what do you think of the backstreet boys -; BullShit Boys.
* ` - O126. do you read the chicken soup books -; No. o.o
* ` - O127. have you seen the exorcist -; Yes.
* ` - O128. are you online a lot -; Yes.
* ` - O129. do you have an old navy performance fleece -; No.
* ` - O130. are you getting tired of doing this -; Bring it on.
* ` - O131. do you buckle up -; Yea. I am not dieing in a car wreck.
* ` - O132. do you have any siblings -; Yes.
* ` - O134. what are their names -; Monique.
* ` - O135. what are their ages -; 12/13,
* ` - O136. do they wanna fill out our great survey -; I want to fill it out again! *goes back*
* ` - O137. do you know how to yo-yo -; Yea. I can do alot of tricks too.
* ` - O138. what color are your panties -; My panties? OooO!~ My cute lil panties are black~~~! *kills Kenna*
* ` - O139. okay, we're done are you happy -; Nah.

2003-06-04T18:10:00.000-05:00

*keeps composure*

General Announcement: Reina has decided to try out other types of relationships, and some other things. Basically, I think I was dumped. ^^' Yes, so, yea. That's.

That's just for. your. general. knowledge.

2003-06-04T03:00:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Old by Machine Head
Current Mood: I'm good.

It'sssss...

QUIZ DAY

You will commit suicide or live a life of self
mutilation: You are the kind of person that has
thoughts and feelings inside that cant be let
out, keeping them in they are tearing you apart
from the inside. You try to stop this spiritual
pain by countering with physical pain. One day
you may go too far... Only fate can tell. To
save yourself from this prophecy you should try
to find the goodness in yourself. It doesnt
hurt to be a bit vain at times. Everyone has a
reason to live

What does fate have in store for your future?
brought to you by Quizilla

Word.

You ARE avant garde. you're artistic, cool and
alway 4 steps ahead of the trends and
movements. good job.

Are you Avant Garde [in a beatnik way]?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well I hope I dont look like that guy. o.O

Angry Goth

What Kind of Goth Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, fuck that.

Fucking quiz.

Yay! You were born to be a STAR. You do
nothing of importance really, but you look so
good doing it! You're by far the most
interesting person you know, and things
couldn't be better. With a slew of friends
nearby, nothing can possibly stand in your way!
Just keep a clever saying nearby, in case
anybody ever suspects.

Which categorical personality are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*scratches head* o.o

How Would YOU Take Over the World?

Not a bad idea. heh.

You think of love as being an experience. Not
something that is necessary to live, but
something that is part of life. You believe
some have it and some just don't. But you
believe everyone deserves true happiness.
Whether it be love, money, whatever floats your
boat.

What does love mean to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*nods*

RED. You're Sassy! You know who you are, what you
want, and how to get it. If life gave you
lemons, what would you make? a multi-billion
dollar business of course - move the fuck over
bill gates! ;o]

If I were a crayon I would be.......... What's YOUR inner Crayola?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hey cool, red's my favorite color.

And black.

Who would have known, eh?

Rikku

What FFX character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*bows to his lovely Rikku-chan, the description being right on the dot for IRL Ken [most of the time, eh?]*

How DUMB are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

lolziamsmart

g2g okbai

Anima...*shivers* You're weird! And you know
what?...There's something rather appealing
about not being able to move your arms XD~
You're always creepin' people out and probably
yourself...do you like bondage? *tilts head
like an innocent little puppy...is then eaten
by you*

m>_@m What FFX Aeon (Summon) ARE You?!?!?! m>_@m
brought to you by Quizilla

BONDAGE

ALRIGHT!

The Blade of Abyss: Anahi...You seem not to care,
but you do...don't you? Your crumbling walls
and crossed arms are hiding your thoughts very
well, but someone will find their way through
the wreckage. Don't let yourself sink too far.

***Which Ancient Blade Are You?***
brought to you by Quizilla

Anahi sounds like something an incoherant drunk man would say.

You are The Twins, from "The Matrix."
Bad, but with a sexy streak- surprisingly
refreshing. You know what you want, when you
want it.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Word up.

You're the rennaisance artist. True genuis of your
time. You really are ahead of your
generation... A solid rock of a writer and
artist all around. Very eloquent in all that
you do...

What type of artist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm a genius of my time, motherfuckers

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

keke

How random are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

WHY THANK YOU YOUNG CHAP!

*NODS POLITELY AND RUNS OFF TO INSERT A BANANA INTO SOMEONE'S RECTUM*

you have an ominosity quotient of
eight.
you are more ominous than the creators of this quiz. good god.

find out your ominosity quotient.

RECTUM RECTUM RECTUM

Bloody

2003-05-30T03:13:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Revolution Is My Name by Pantera
Current Mood: Fine.

Tomorrow is my last day of school, finally. Two years of school left intill I can finally graduate and be one step closer to true adulthood. My mother suggested something interesting and promising to me today- that I should study to become a history professor. I love history. I love reading. History and reading go hand and hand. I could major in history and minor in a computer science, so I could do both of the things that I enjoy doing- history and computers. Still, being a meteorologist sounds extremely fun. Storm chasing specifically- of course, being a daredevil has been in my history since I was 5 [roller bladed off a ramp into my bed to my mother's dismay.] I just dont want to set my history in stone so soon- its not recklessness, its just I havent tasted all of the proverbial tea, havent thought of all the scenarios that I could play out. It's not my style to plan ahead outside of a battle, and it will never be my style- carefree, day by day living leaves so much room for adventure. Ah oh well. I wonder what all my friends online have planned out for their lifes, now that I think about it the younger people I know [Juu, AJ, Britty, etc] never really have gone into depths about what they plan to do in their future lives.

We all arent going to be the chatloving, astrikwhoreing teenagers we are now.

Someday i'm going to be 34. When i'm 34, Juu's going to be 32. Britty's going to be 33. AJ will be 34 also. We all are actually going to be able to visit each other freely someday, with the money we make at our jobs. Roxie will be 33/34ish too. Hell, Tori will be 38. Ger is 16, right? He'll be 36. So these are actually going to just become memories. These computers, this blog, ourselves [if we lose contact with each other]. It's going to end up that slowly, each one of us might just love the internet one after the other. I dont plan to ever stop chatting really, its much more fulfilling than blabbing your ass off IRL to someone who has better things s/he could be doing.

Where do I see everyone in 10 years?

Juu seems the office girl type, the one wearing the blue dress that stops right above her knees. The one that would be in a semi high position in a corperation, makeing above-average income for her and her possible household. I can imagine her in that sort of job, actually. She might not think it, she might not dream of doing that- but that just seems to fit with her in my mind. Sort of quiet, funny young adult trying her luck in a corperation.

AJ seems, honestly, to be more of a sports person. That just fits the AJ persona for some reason. Like perhaps in soccer, or something he's good at. If you think AJ, think AJ running down a field with a half-assed grin on his face, going to win the game for his team. It's just right for some reason. I dont understand it, lol.

Tori seems like a housewife type person to me- That doesnt require much explanition, the role of Queen is a very advanced form of a mother in my eyes.

Piro will become a radical terrorist who shaves off all his hair.

Actually, I just said that to amuse myself.

Roxie I can see doing some sort of good for her community. ^^

I, of course, will be the homless man who thinks he hears God talking to himself and declares himself a prophet.

Duh.

2003-05-27T04:22:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Rexall by Dave Navarro
Current Mood: Headed to Bed.

Wanted to wish my lover a happy birthday, miss Reina is 15 years of age today. Eee haw.

Night folks.

2003-05-26T07:03:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Dead and Bloated by Stone Temple Pilots
Current Mood: Tired.

This is a revised, edited version of the story I posted a bit back, with a new barely revised chapter.

Chapter 1.

Bang, Bang, Bang.

...

...

...

Bang, Bang, Bang.

The door rattled loudly from the loud beating, jarring me from my blissful slumber. I rolled over and glanced at the clock, stretching and yawning loudly as I did.

"5:11.."

I tossed the covers off of myself and sat upright, swinging my legs over my bed and getting up, letting out a soft groan as I did. I grabbed a pair of jeans from my floor and slid them on, half heartidly opening the door to my room and walking down the pitch black hallway to the stairs.

Bang, Bang, BANG.

"Alright, Alright- Hang on for a damn minute.."

I jogged quickly down the stairs and to the front door, unlocking the deadbolt, door and opening it slowly, eyes still not fully open. Leaning against the doorframe, the smell of alcohol heavy on his breath, was Mervin Willis- My next door neighbor and religious fanatic.

"Mr Willis, it's barely 5 AM, what do you want?.."

His eyes opened wide for a second as he contemplated the question, a mischeivous- and drunken- grin growing on his face, before he leaned in close to me, eyeing me carefully.

"Son, God talked to me again.."

I let out a heavy sigh and began to close the door, not willing to waste any of my time to this- at least, not at this hour. Stubbornly, he stuck his foot in the door, and in suprising strength, reopened it, handing me a bible as he swayed shakily on his feet.

"GOD, SON! GOD HAS TOLD ME OF YOUR FUTURE SINS! THE THINGS YOU WILL COMMIT ARE FIENDISH.."

"Pardon me sir, but what the hell are you talking about?"

"Just believe.. believe and all will be well.."

He let out a hiccup and turned, walking down the concrete path to the street- but stumbleing halfway there, tripping over himself and falling to the ground. I rushed out to help him, but with pure willpower he forced himself up.

"Nope! Nope- I'm ok. I got the power of the lord! G'night Ken, and remember- BELIEVE! DONT COMMIT THOSE ACTS!"

"G'night Mr Willis."

Shakeing my head, I turned and walked back to my house. I glanced down at the bible, noteing the faded cover, the words "Divine Holy Scriptures Of Our Christian Lord" written in the most stately, beautiful text. I closed the door behind me, locking it as I thumbed through the old bible carefully.

Halfway up the stairs my eyes caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure at the top of the stairs, causeing me to gasp loudly in the darkness, before a light switched on above it. My older sister stood, dressed in her nightly underwear, looking as if she was still lost in a dream.

".. Who was it, Ken?"

"Mr. Willis. He's pretty drunk this time.."

"Damn.. Ever since he retired from being the preacher he's been getting himself drunker and drunker.. Well, fuck that. I'm headed back to bed, G'night lil bro. If he comes again, just ignore him or something.. cant think, fatigue."

"Yea.. Night Sis." I said with a smile, she smiled back, prolly almost asleep as is, and stumbled twards her room.

I finished my ascent up the stairs and flipped the light back off, feet shifting uneasily underneath me. I reached for the door handle and flung it open lightly, my eyes suddenly bolting open. It was just static- There was no room there, it was if I was looking at a TV screen instead of the doorway.

My hand uneasily reached out to it, hesistating briefly a mere inch from the anomolie. Finally, I touched it, and felt a wonderful pleasure wash over me. It was welcomeing me, drawing me in, and I complied. Takeing a deep breath, I took a large step into it, closeing my eyes right before I crossed over.

Silence.

Opening my eyes, I stared down a dark alleyway, a small canal etched in the center of it, a stream of water flowing in it from the sound. It was dark- Incredibely dark, I could not see what was on either side of me, as if it was just.. not there. I groped curiously at the side, my hand touching a soft, fleshy material. Something slithered underneath my hand, and I retracted it quickly, stepping back, a mix of confusion and terror washing over me.

An eight year old girl stepped out, a venemous viper hissing lightly at me, coiled around her head. I couldnt see her face, dirty, wet strands of black hair draped off her whole head, passing an inch over her shoulder. She turned silently, stepping into the canal, a light splashing noise reverberating across the plain landscape.

She began to skip down the canal, a loud rushing noise starting the exact moment she did. I glanced down to the opposite end of the canal, cussing loudly as a wall of the same water from the canal cascaded out of the blackness, inundateing everything that I could see- and heading straight for the girl.

I reached out to her and tried to yell to her, but my voice didnt work. I grasped blindly at my throat, trying to clear it, only the same silence escapeing out of it. I gathered all my strength, takeing in the deepest breath I could, and attempted to let out one monsterous yell.

I was taken aback as my voice suddenly returned to me, several shattering noises accompanying my yell. It halted the girl in her tracks, the wall of water getting nearer and nearer to her. She slowly, non chalantly turned, faceing straight twards me.

Her arms whipped out, as the wave of water was upon her. The whole wave changed from water, seemingly into nothing. But, within in a few seconds, I heard a shattering noise right next to me. I glanced to the side, as a shard from a mirror flew within a few milimeters of my face, shattering a few feet behind me. I turned just as soon as the wave of shards slammed into my body, more than half going right through me from the sheer force that was behind them.

Pain racked my body, and I felt strength ebbing straight out of me. I fell to my knees, bringing my hands into veiw. Streams of blood were pouring down my arm and off my elbow, large pierce wounds right through my wrists. I glanced back up to the little girl, her stance as still as a statues, my vision blurring off and on, as I began to sweat what I was sure my last few minutes of life away.

She took a step foreward, her heels clicking along the now dry canal, briskly walking twards me. I reached down to the ground and grasped a shard that was the size of a dagger. It slit deeply into my palms, but I couldnt feel pain anymore- My brain was realeseing massive doses of painkillers, its effects continueing to blur my vision as lightheadedness overtook me as well. I swayed a bit before falling onto my free hand, shakily forcing myself to glance up to the little girl.

I could smell her. She was only a foot away.

Raising the shard, I gathered what little strength I had left and slammed it into the little girl, expecting a scream.Instead I heard a cracking noise, curious, I glanced up, my other hand falling to the ground to support me, growing weaker by the second. The shard was jammed into a light blue hue that I recognized as some sort of fantasy shield, or something quite near it.

Straight from the shard, drops of my blood fell from it's tip onto her dress. Her head moved, her gaze shifting down to her dress. I heard a soft whine, and a cracking noise four times as loud as the one I had caused, as her shield died down. She began to softly cry over her dress, and I reached out to that very item, aiming to toss her to the side- or something.. I wasnt thinking clearly.

The dress was drenched, the liquid in it oozeing over my hand. I pulled her into the light that was beaming down on myself, and began to laugh amusedly at myself, as I saw her dress. I broke out into a howl, falling down on my side and stareing at her silently, my breathing becomeing shorter and quicker.

Her dress was drenched in blood. The wave.. the canal.. it was flowing in blood. I was taken aback by my own stupidity, the horror of the situation bounceing right off my dead nerves. My arms went numb, hyperventalation takeing over me as I rested in a pool of my own blood. She stepped into the light, and leaned down to me, parting the hair from her eyes to reveal an innocent, extremely cute face, aside from the droplets of crimson on her cheek.

"Help me." she whispered.

I smiled a weak smile of defeat, as it all turned to black.

Chapter 2.

I felt an odd sensation, like I was floating in water, my body drifting back and forth lazily in a current. My eyes snapped open, the last few moments I remember flashing through my mind. Gasping I rolled over onto my back, bright rays of a sun blinding me. Finally grasping the state of mind to stand upright in the water, I began to paddle my feet viciously under me, scanning the horizon as far as I could.

Off in the distance a massive metallic lighthouse stood, silent and ominous, almost foreboding. It rested high on a cliff of some sort of island, a small church sitting next to it, stereotypically white. There was absolutely nothing else aside from that island, and the cold waters was beginning to wear at my stamina. Without further delay, I began to paddle twards the island, the insane events of the past few hours still resonating in my mind.

25 minutes of swimming and thinking later, I pulled my exhausted frame up onto a beach, and fell quietly onto the ground, the numbing cold I had expierenced in the water barely weakening on land. Laying there, breathing quietlly, I made a timeline in my head to see if it sorted out. The Bible, the Room, The Canal, The Girl. Pain, Amusement. My death.

...

My.. death?

"Wait a second.."

I shot upright with the thought, and groped at myself searching for wounds, or scars- At least scabs. But there was nothing, I was untouched, in perfect condition besides my lack of strength. Confusion, pure confusion fell on me. There was absolutely no logical reason as to why I should be alive- I had seen my blood, I had felt my pain, I had laughed at my own pitiful state.

"Am I in heaven? I-.. Fuck. So tired.. Cold, hungry.."

The adrenline rush just as quickly left, and I fell placidly onto the ground, the only sounds I could hear were my own breathing, in complete rythem with the pounding waves. As I again felt blackness beginning to take over me, I heard a voice yell off in the distance- but it was far too late for me. The cold embrace of pitch black darkness came over me again.

Silence.

----

Once more, I felt my senses return to being 'online', the soft sheets covering me- the equally comfortable matress underneath me. Pillow beneath my head, it was just like I was sleeping in on a Saturday. My stomach grumbled miserablely- I was starved. But I didnt know how I got here.. all I remembered was the beach, the long swim, the loss of energy- the lack of being DEAD still.

"Where the hell am I?"

"You've awakened, thank Istrail. You gave us a horrible fright, dear sir."

I sat up slowly, glanceing over to a young, attractive, blonde-haired woman in her 20's, dressed in a long flowing emerald green robe. She was sitting at a small wooden table, a steaming cup of tea infront of her. I immediately took in my surrondings- It was out of a fantasy movie. Bookcases lined with dusty texts, flowers sitting near a window, no evidence of any sort of airconditioning vent- or even electrical outlets. Not even a lamp was in sight. There were several swords leaning against the wall, sharp blades bringing back the eerie memories.. I would definately never be the same.

"At least this is better than the canal.." I murmered quietly, but not quietly enough.

"Pardon?" She said with a quizzical look, scanning me over with her eyes.

"You wouldnt believe me if I told you."

"No matter- You must be quite hungry, lets save our idle banther for later. I'll go get you some fresh bread."

I got up, and noted the fact I was clothed in some sort of.. stupid looking outfit. Well, it was nothing I had see before. It did look somewhat like pajamas.. which was fitting, I guess. My head throbbed and I held it, as the many questions I had remained unanswered- but new ones seemed to be in supply. Jokingly I pinched myself, and felt a light pain. This was no dream..

The young woman came in with a plate of bread, the smell overtakeing my senses. She cut a hunk off for me, and handed it to me, smiling as I scarffed it down messily. I felt revitilized for the first time in what seemed like years..

"My name is Abagail. I am a priestess to her holiness, Istrail. This is my little sister, Narna- She is an archer in training, an aide to the ranger Gardon."

I glanced to the doorway and instantly froze, a light blue aura surronding the little girl. It was the same dress, it was the same face, it was the same hair. I remained frozen, my heart beat accelerating several times over, and she bowed politely to me as my hand began to tremble, the images and feelings of my own painful death overtakeing me. Her sister didnt seem to notice that odd aura- It looked like she was on fire, a slow dance of the aura wisping upwards. I could feel beads of sweat forming on my brow, and I knew that she was the key to.. everything.

"Its nice to meet you, sir.. What is your name?" She asked, smiling a devilish grin that shattered any rational thought I had left.

"My name.. is Ken.."

"Ken? What sort of name is Ken?" Abagail interjected, pondering to herself.

"I am a-.. Foreigner---.. Yes, from another land. I.. dont remember how I got here." I lied, my eyes and Narna's interlocking silently.

"Really? What is the name of the Land you are from?"

".. America." I said suddenly without thinking, and I instantly grimced. What if they didnt like Americans? I wasnt at home anymore, I half expected one of those swords to be raised to drive me out.

"America? America. Hm. Have you heard of America, Narna?"

"America? I cant recall any nation being named that."

"Damn.. I'm not on the same Earth anymore? Is that possible? Fuck it, how can I cover this up? America the.. little, unknown country? Maybe that will work. I have nothing else to lose.."

"It's.. more of a.. small country. You know, full of.. nice.. American people." A false smile growing on my face.

"That is the worst coverup I have ever used. Shoulda put more thought into that...."

"That's lovely! America, hmm. Narna, you and I will have to visit there someday."

Blankly I stared in complete wonderment- What was this? Some sort of hidden camera show?

"Where.. am I?" I asked.

"This is the island nation of Santiago, servants of the Goddess of the Crimson Moon."

"Santiago? Santiago.. Crimson moon... My head fucking hurts..”

"Crimson.. moon?"

"Yes. In this part of the world the moon is crimson. As crimson as, say, a pool of blood." Narna replied, glanceing at me as blood was mentioned.

"That bitch. Goddamn it if I dont get straight answers out of her.."

"Oh Narna, dont make it sound evil. Dont mind her, Sir Ken. The Crimson Moon to us represents love- Loyalty, compassion. Such things as red respresents."

Narna scowled for a second and curtly replied "And revenge, murder, blood, vengence, evil."

".. We've had this conversation BEFORE, Narna." Abagail said, throwing a glare to the younger sister, an equally brutal glare flying right back to her.

"I gotta defuse this bomb.. two sisters fighting plus swords nearby equal something that I do not need to deal with yet."

"I'd.. um.. love to see the moon?" I said sheepishly, smiling to them pleasently.

"Oh really?" Abagail said, beaming a smile back, "Well, tonight it should be at its fullest- its the best time for you to be here. Destiny, mayhap.”

"That’s awesome! I cant wait.”

"Awesome?"

"Er. I find it really great. You know, awesome."

"Ah. Slang, many pardons- I just never heard that term. 'Awesome', i'll have to use that word more often."

“For the love of...”

Narna interjected suddenly, her eyes glanceing outside as several other robbed men and women rushed past, a distant bell reverberating as it tolled four times, Abagail's eyes widening a bit, her sister turning back and placeing a hand on her hip, shakeing her head slowly.

"Abagail, you're going to be late for your church service, the sun is already half way across the sky."

"What? My! Time flies! I'll be back in a few hours. Take good care of Sir Ken for me, Narna."

"Oh I will... Trust me.”

"I bet you will.."

Abagail grabbed one of the texts off of a shelf and rushed outside, running after the other robbed figures as fast as she could. Narna looked at me, and I looked right back, and icy atmosphere descending between us. She walked over to me, and sat down unexpectadly, and looked at the floor, her feet swinging idlely.

My future? Uncertain, not that I dont like that..

At least, I think I like it.

...

I wish my sister were here..

2003-05-23T04:52:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Sleeping Awake by POD
Current Mood: ...

I saw Marcella today. Yes my friends, when I start to get over my bs someone has to appear at random and remind me how fucked life is. Oh well. I'll just rebury it and put the gravestone deeper in.

Also from Friday afternoonish till Saturday evening, i'm going to be offline. Going to Ben's house on Friday Night to spend the night, and then on Saturday i'm headed to Nuevo Laredo for a day.

2003-05-19T05:58:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Denial by Sevendust
Current Mood: Feel My Aura, Test My Soul.

You are (in my eyes) related to a dragon type of
creature. Dogs have to spirit of what we (or I
) think of as a dragonic figure. Proud, and
strong. You may be attracted to the colors
blue...or yellow. You are most likely very
loyal, and willing to stand by friends. Maybe
even stratigic and level-headed. You most
likely would be from (or like to be) North
Western Hemisphere. You could be just
plain...neutral...but hey...who knows?

What Mythical Creature Would You Most Closely Be Related To?
brought to you by Quizilla

I guess.

My Inner Age
brought to you by Quizilla

Inner child my ass, i'm just one large inner child that hates people.

Al Bundy-You are most like Al Bundy. You don't
spend your time saving people or helping out
anyone. It's all about you, you, you.
Watching T.V. or going to the nudie bar, tsk
and you thought you were a hero. Maybe back in
the day, but not now.

Which Famous Hero Are You Most Like? (The Matrix, DBZ, TV, Movies, Etc.)
brought to you by Quizilla

Hahaha. lmao. ^_^

You are an addict, to cigarettes, to drugs, to sex,
to pencils, to other people it really doesn't
matter... You just have something about you
that just addicts you to everything..

What could be wrong with you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*smokes quietly to the side*

You are RAPIDS. Fun loving, and living on the edge.
You flourish in fast courents, and don't
consider it fun unless there's a little danger
involved.
You're most like a water demon.

What Form of Water Would You Take?
brought to you by Quizilla

*pops a raft idlely*

You should live in Mirkwood! It is a dark forest
and the home of elves. Watch out for the
spiders!

Where you should you live in Middle-Earth? (From LOTR)
brought to you by Quizilla

*pops a raft idlely in mirkwood*

Circe Invidiosa

What John William Waterhouse Painting Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

heh heh.

You should be an Aquarius, Basic Profile:
Progressive, original, idealist, altruistic, issue-
oriented, charismatic, up-to-date, visionary,
humanitarian, personable, imaginative,
generous, inspiring, practical, congenial,
casual, open-minded, amiable, inventive, off-
beat, but can be rebellious, eccentric,
thoughtlessness, contrarian, childish, aloof,
uninvolved, obstinate, antisocial,
unconventional, impressionable

~*What is your TRUE Zodica sign?*~
brought to you by Quizilla

*spits out drink at the exactness of that discription*

TAG.. YOU'RE IT.

There's a gun under your bed, pills in your sock
drawer, and a blade in your hand. You've
written your farewells. It's all planned out;
you're just waiting for the right time. Get
some help. You need it.

Are You Suicidal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yes.

You Have the Power of Teleportation!

What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla

That looks more like an LSD trip to me.

Whoooo weee!!! Youre a loud, boisterous burly
ogre!. You are one of the guardians to the
gates of Buddhist hell dimensions. You like to
smash and bash and eat and make loud noises
(which don't necessarily come from your mouth).
You love the taste of flesh and battle. But
deep down, you're soft hearted and wonder why
people just don't understand that it's your
nature. Perhaps abstaining from fights with the
local wild beasts will let the humans see that
you can be a good ogre that smells like
flowers... NOT!

What Japanese Creature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*farts*

You're in the Goth box.

What box do you get put in?
brought to you by Quizilla

heh.

You are all over the board

What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I took that test once already I believe, but I wanted to retake it to be sure.

I am the Natural

Childhood is the golden paradise we are always consciously or unconsciously trying to re-create. The Natural embodies the longed-for qualities of childhood - spontaneity, sincerity, unpretentiousness. In the presence of Naturals, we feel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit, transported back to that golden age. Adopt the pose of the Natural to neutralize people's defensiveness and infect them with helpless delight.

Symbol: The Lamb. So soft and endearing. At two days old the lamb can gambol gracefully; within a week it is playing "Follow the Leader." Its weakness is part of its charm. The Lamb is pure innocence, so innocent we want to possess it, even devour it.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society

*bows*

your anthem is "f.t.w" by tiger army. you
think society today is one load of crap. you
are pissed at society. mad at the world. blah
blah blah. as the song goes " fuck the
world, fuck the world..."

what is your anthem?
brought to you by Quizilla

*Bows*

You are the Death Dreamer

Kakyou

Lost in your past, you hold no more intentions on life than sailing in your sea of memories and 'see' other's deaths. Most powerful of the Dreamgazers, your state is closer to
death.

What kind of Dreamgazer is more appealing to you?

Quiz made by Let-kun, based on Melange's
Treatise on Dreams

*elegant bow*

Dark and Mysterious... Some of the words to best
describe your true self are dark and morbid.
Your insecure and have no truth to who you are.

What's your true personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

*bows but hits people with his black wings*

You have a DARK soul

What is your soul like?
brought to you by Quizilla

*bows but his dagger that was at his wrist drops to the floor*

You're just a broken doll...the depressed beauty,or
at least, that's your opinion...excluding the
beauty part of course. You don't see your own
beauty,but rather, are appaled by it. A
million people could stand on a soap box,
preaching to you about your goodness, your
beauty, and you purity, but you would ignore
them, taking there truths for granted. You're
more likely to slit your wrists than recognize
all th love people feel for you...so, all that
makes is a shell of what once was, and what
could be again.

What Kind of Person Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

But, maybe its better that way, yea?

Self-destruction

Which Life Stage Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I probably will in the next week, but dont tell anyone, kay? ^_- they all think I am ok now, just like I wanted.

Your soul is old. You are death. The way you
speak of death and the length of your years
combined make people think that your morbid
nature is that of the grim reaper.

Which Soul Do You Possess?
brought to you by Quizilla

Indeed.

Your Soul Is Orange.

What Color Is Your Soul?
brought to you by Quizilla

The background you selected is red you fuckwitted asshead.

Pardon my deliquent curses. ^_-

paranoid

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

IS THAT PICTURE GOING TO KILL ME? [/end sarcasm]

You are a sorceress/sorcer.

You are quite a mysterious person, nobody can
predict what you will do next. A Eturnal power
lingers apone you, soon to be found.

What mythical creature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*rubs noses quietly*

*sniff sniff, sneeze*

You're a Demon Drake. You are most ill tempered
dragon of all. You find joy in the destruction
of others and the domination of the world. You
control the few to no friends you have...and
probably eat them, too. Your qualities aren't
all that bad, though. Your a mastermind in the
making and would do great in the military.

What kind of Dragon are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

"your a mastermind in the making and would do great in the military"

I'm a tactician, oh yes I am. *sings a song...*

You are Hamlet's soliloqy, "To be, or not to
be," by William Shakespeare.

You often are faced with the trials of life, and
you're really not sure whether 'tis better to
face up to them or just give up and let them
win.

Which poem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Nestromadia cantille sontros.

You are Ganondorf! Although your ambitions are
borne in good will, ultimately you will become
a slave of your own greed and envious
endeavors. It is your mission to bring darkness
upon the world and, above all else, gather all
three pieces of the Triforce to your grasp. You
posess great loyalty and determination, but you
are controlled by your own immense power.

Which bearer of the Triforce are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Antromed contro-san.

You are an Archdemon!
You have neither heart nor soul. You are the
incarnation of hate and cruelty. Wherever you
go, death, desaster and devastation follow in
your fiery wake. Your goal is to take over the
world AND the Heavens and on your path you are
ruthless. You know neither mercy nor allies.
You are evil incarnate.

What kind of supernatural being are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yes.

YOUSA ONW3D

which Own3d picture are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ah bs. *tank fires*

WingDings - You are weird. People probably have a
lot of trouble understanding you.

What Font Are You? (Standard Fonts)
brought to you by Quizilla

Et Tu, Brute?

2003-05-17T21:50:00.000-05:00

San Antonio Spurs vs Dallas Mavericks

For those that arent following [American] NBA Basketball, the playoffs are going on. Already, it has boiled down to the conference finals [two conferences, Western and Eastern divide the various basketball teams between either side based by location]. Already, the Spurs have between the 3 time defending World Champion Los Angeles Lakers, while the Dallas Mavericks have battled through the Portland Trailblazers, and Sacramento Kings.

Texas has several major cities. Houston, Ft. Worth, El Paso, Austin, Dallas and San Antonio. This is going to be severely exciting for me, because I am fans of both teams and just want a team from Texas to win the world championship. Of course I would love to see the Spurs win, every person in this city does, duh. But two Texas teams going for the Western Conference finals is quite exciting.

2003-05-17T18:01:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Killing Time by Hed PE.
Current Mood: *runs past with a thousand rabid bees behind him*

I told Trav today about this odd thing about me.

Let me explain.

All people handle stress/frustration/sadness/etc differently. Some people just brood quietly, some are physically violent, some are verbally violent. Some just let it out artistically- Poetry, Singing, Writing, Art. Some try to ignore it- or go beyond that to downright trying to destroy emotion. When situations like that happen, I literally laugh out loud at myself. Generally, when this happens, I get some sort of epiphany of the way out, and i'm laughing because it was so simple.

When I was shot and heard siren's in the distance? I was laughing at myself.
When my wrists were slit? I was laughing at the situation.
When something frustrating happens, and I finally get to the point I stop careing? I laugh at myself.

So laughing is apparently my way of dealing with situations that happen. Only sometimes, however- It might be sadistic in nature. I dont know. Its just, take yourself out of context in one of your past expierences that was a test of your stability- how pitifully weakminded were you in that situation? I do that at the time it happens, so it becomes funny. o.o; Of course sometimes I vent, or hit something, or write. But I also laugh myself to comfort, which is quite odd since I dont hear of many other people admitting they do that, or even if other people DO do that.

I guess human nature is odd in general once you take it out of context. o.o;

Oh well.

Song Lyrics of the Day:

Killing Time
Performed by HED PE

Yea.
Wha, wha, wha, wha?
Yea.
hehheh, wha, wha, wha, wha?
Yea.

Baby, I'm a survivor, [what?]
Baby, I'm on fire, [what?]
Baby, I'm about to Kill that vagina. [what?]
Getting high all day, drinking whiskey all night, [what?]
Flipping off the police when them tricks pass by. [what?]
I'm that fool next door, always late with his rent, [what?]
I'm that loser on the couch, watching Springer and getting head. [what?]
Dreaming about a better time, better place, better life, [what?]
Looking for that quick fix, and tweaking all night.

Just killin time. just killin, killin time
Just killin time, just killin time.
Kiss that world goodbye,
Kiss that world goodbye,
Kiss that world goodbye-
It's all over now,
Nothing is over now.

God knows I tried, [what?]
But no one understands me. [what?]
The black sheep of the family, [what?]
My enemies - they try to overtake me. [what?]
Burning and looting 'till Babylon break me. [what?]
Look me in the eyes baby, ride with me, [what?]
I can take it there, ride with me. [what?]
I know what you want, where you live, what you need, [what?]
I can make it real, hold it down for you, feel you bleed.

Just killin time, just killin, killin time
Just killin time, just killin time.
Just killin time, just killin, killin time
Just killin time, just killin time.
Kiss that world goodbye,
Kiss that world goodbye,
Kiss that world goodbye-
It's all over now,
Nothing is over now.

I keep my eyes on the stars,
That's where I come from.
Belt of Orion,
Son of a sun God.
You know my name, I'm the conqueror,
The lion,
King, kame ha mei ha.
Come 20-12, come 12 tribes, come 12 strands, come 12 lives
12 steps, 12 months, 12 muthafuckers.
All make bail, kicked 'cause of the crowded jails.
Sex and violence sells.
12 serial killers, 12 dead without a trail or trace,
It's prime time, the fight night, pay-per-view, suicide, the bee sting,
Butterfly.

KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS

Kiss that world goodbye,
Kiss that world goodbye,
Kiss that world goodbye,
Its all over now.
Nothing is over now.

2003-05-15T06:14:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Flying High Again by Ozzy Osbourne
Current Mood: *beats on a wombat idlely*

Another one of my fucking keyboards screwed up.

I mean, does beating them senseless when i'm losing a game really screw it up that much?

Nah. Beating things helps. Of course.

You see this old woman that needs help crossing the street. You walk up to her, take out a hammer, and smack her in the forehead with it. Then you raise your arms and say "CROSS THE STREET OLD WOMAN- FOR YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED."

Because beating shit in always helps.

Stupid fucking keyboards. Once it stopped working I calmly unplugged it, wrapped the cord around itself, neatly. Then I threw it across the room into the wall. The spacebar popped out.

Because throwing shit into walls also always fucking helps.

If you got a sibling on your nerves just toss him into the fucking wall- Then plaster it up.

And if you dont have any fucking plaster, nail your siblings wrists into the wall, positioning him over the hole. Then drive stakes through his ankles too, so he's a self made patch. You then rip his vocal chords out.

Because if all else fails- rip their vocal chords out.

Tight on money? Rip some vocal chords out. Sell them in jars.

I also think that when you gesture alot you should be beaten. People who gesture alot make me think that they are subliminally doing a rain dance or something just to kill two birds with one stone. I mean, if you are going to do a rain dance, say it. I'm sure the rain wants some kind of signal before it will pour down in droves.

Also people who should be beaten are small, irish midgets who wear leprechaun's outfits on purpose just to piss everyone the fuck off. Because if there is one thing that pisses me off, it's a midget in a fucking goddamned green leprechaun outfit. Pot of gold- Shove the gold up your ass and the pot on your head.

Maybe we could like... gather all the midgets

And make them play basketball with the NBA allstars.

The All-Stars wearing spiked, steeltoed boots that have poison tips.

What the fuck am I smokeing?

Song Lyrics Of the Day:

Circus
Performed by (hed) p.e.

Time to pay.
Time to pay.

Time to pay.
Time to pay.

TIME TO PAY,
Let them burn.
Punish and erase me,
It's high time I suffer,
Count all my addictions.
That surprise erection,
Dirty obsession.
Your blood is on my hands,
Your blood is on your hands.
So turn away from me, turn away,
Take everything away from me,
You can still hear me laughing at you.

Yeah, well here I am.

This soul cannot be downed!
Can I get a witness?
Here I am.

This soul cannot be downed!
Can I get a witness?
Here I am.

So what, here I stand,
I'mma see you when I get there,
Rock hard dick in my hand.
Look, I don't expect you to understand shit.
In the garden of heathens,
Aw, man. Fuck confession,
I let the motherfucker fall.
I watch him fall hard, yea.
So, turn away from me, turn away,
Cut me in half and play with me,
Now, both of me are laughing at you.

Here I am!

This soul cannot be downed!
Can I get a witness?
Here I am.

This soul cannot be downed!
Can I get a witness?
Here I am.

This soul cannot be downed!
Can I get a witness?
Here I am.

This soul cannot be downed!
Can I get a witness?
Here I am.

HERE I AM
HERE I AM
HERE I AM
HERE I AM
HERE I AM
HERE I AM
HERE I AM
HERE I AM

HERE I AM
HERE I AM
HERE I AM
HERE I AM

2003-05-11T04:18:00.000-05:00

Happy Mother's Day

... mother ...

Mother's Day Song Lyrics of the Day:

Empty
Peformed by Unloco

I look outside and see that everything is perfect
Except for me, i'll always be the one who sits and stares
And now and then your just my friend
Someone i could talk to
And it's killing me
Yes it's killing me

And I..I feel so empty inside
Cause i'm a freak in your eyes
I feel so empty inside
And it's killing me

I look outside and realize how much i'm different
You'll never see inside of me, inside just who i am
And now and then you're just my friend
Someone I could talk to
And it's killing me
It's just killing me

And I..I feel so empty inside
Cause i'm a freak in your eyes
I feel so empty inside
And it's killing me

I'm outside but i'm looking in

I look into your eyes and see that you are perfect
Except for me, except for me

And I...I feel so empty inside
Cause i'm a freak in your eyes
I feel so empty inside
I feel so, I feel so
I...I feel so empty inside
I feel so empty inside
I feel so empty inside
I feel so empty inside

2003-05-09T05:44:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Headtrip by Sevendust
Current Mood: Reverting.

The Difference Between Tactical And Strategetic

Travis had a conversation with me that caused a really big "duh" epiphany within myself- I'm not a strategist, I dont like micromangeing bases and cities for unit production. I'm a tactician. I dont like the beforebattle- I love the taste of watching the armies collide, the terrain, the tactical essence of it. I dont want to be a supreme leader- I want to be a supreme tactician. There is a set difference in games that I have suddenly realized- BattleField 1942 is tactical. I loved it. Lineage was tactical, I loved it. Delta Force: Black Hawk Down was tactical, I love it. Final Fantasy Tactics was Tactical. I hated it. ^_~ I love it still. Kessen is tactical. I love tactics. I admit it, I love the bloodspill of it all. It thrills me. Many times in Warcraft 3 when I had a massive plan that was about to take place, my heart would literally start to race, I would be ready to see how I did and to learn. Forget base building, I like defending it more- Ask Trav. I think I would love to become the General of an Army, or a squad leader. Its my calling- Its just something I wish to do. I've lead a gang for a few years now, and never been caught. That is my dream.

Reina

Good luck. God speed. I love you. ~.~ be back soon, tomorrow preferabbly. lol.

Music Lyrics of the Day:

Denial
Performed by Sevendust

What - never say what you mean
All I hear is a scream
Never say that to me
Never say that to me
Wait - wipe that shit off your face
Let's not stop till we bleed
The more you spit out your mouth
the less I believe

Denial seems it had to come
Relied on me to say it all
Denial has LEFT YOU ALL ALONE

I - Can all that shit that you said
Ever make any sense
Where did you run to - bitch
While I was holding my breath?
What's sacred faded into nothing
Never put that on me...
Never put that on me...

Denial seems it had to come
Relied on me to say it all
Denial has LEFT YOU ALL ALONE

DENIAL SEEMS IT HAD TO COME
Relied on me to say it all
Denial has left you all alone

WAIT

DENIAL SEEMS IT HAD TO COME
Relied on me to say it all
Denial has left you all alone

DENIAL SEEMS IT HAD TO COME
Relied on me to say it all
Denial has left you all alone

2003-05-07T06:55:00.000-05:00

current music make me bad by korn
current mood: ...

I am beyond a void currently. I am so tired right now that I cannot feel real emotion. muahaha

perfect for el mutilation.

2003-05-06T03:52:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Gone Til' November by Wyclef Jean
Current Mood: Decently Sadistic. Probablity of that type of mood is actually null.

Denial of Power

I know I do not belong in a social atomosphere anymore. I dont know how to act, talk, feel. I try to be really funny in real life, but do I go to far? Wheres the line? I dont know. I aim to please, but do I shoot myself in the head in the process? Myself. What is myself. Define what "yourself" should be. Theres no set defination for that word, yourself can refer to the general mass stereotypical library of humanity, or you can set your own page, path, voice, mind, body, idea. "Yourself". Why is a word so vague in definition have to have you be in its invisible loop in order to be acceptable to anyone. Religious people, Teenagers, Adults. Theres a set form with which you have to act, otherwise you become a minority of actual humans who are reaching for their dreams and becomeing loners in the process of a new ideal. What am I. I am a consious, a soul that is controlling a puppet of flesh. I tell my puppet what to do with electrical signals, and it does as I say. I am a higher being trapped in a weak flesh body, we all are. What is the souls potentional? What sort of powers could we have that we are ignoreing by relying on our fleshpuppets meager strength. God has no set form- Is that his secret to power? What sort of soul is in us. What independane we do yield in this world is usually our (a) Opinons; (b) Personality; (c) Physical Look [if you so choose to be independant in that aspect.] Those are all outputs of our soul, our inner self- We get no rebellion from our body because we have absolute control over it. Pull the string that makes your arm move, and it moves. We are not the underlings of a upper diety. We are dieties enslaved within these bodies given to us by that diety. Theres no possible way we could be created in 'God's image, if he himself says he has no physical form- No image to take. Therefore, our souls would be made in the mirror image of God, our subconsious. Logically, therefore, if it were a true mirror image, locked inside us are the powers of a God. Psions, Mystic Healers, Even Sideshow magic takes some form of skill that you have to train and learn- Trickery or no. Agility, Strength. Humans are the highest level of being on this Earth, to the point we have to war with ourselves to provide amusement to the leaders we elect. What if there is no "higher intellgient alien being" in the universe- What if we are that higher intelligent being, and we are the ones that first make contact with them? Portrayed as either superhuman saviors, bloodthirsty brutes, or weakminded slaves- Are we ignoreing the fact we are actually able to be each of those and more, even change between each in the blink of an eye?

Denial of Thought

Conformity will be the death of us, the norm of society ends the creative thought. The "Trends"- Each one of them had to have one person start it, and that one person had that idea independant of everyone. So even the basis of conformity has to have one new thinker begin the loophole. We cant conform forever- Wisdom tells us that. Christianity is formed on one dead radicals idea of love, and it itself has become the killer of new age ideas and thoughts. Science- all of it is based on new thinking, bending the spoon if-you-will. No- There can never be true 'non-conformity', I know that. But when 'heretics' whom merely want a small change to occur for the betterment, perhaps even in his own mind, is killed before a chance is made for that thought to be taken into consideration- then the intelligence of humanity is slaughtered with mindless invisible barriers that some new thinker actually himself put up! Some new thoughts are harmful, but many could be the key into ascending into a new age of Political, Religious, and Scientific ideals. Rebelling against the old rebellion leads to harm.. but takeing the new ideas into consideration instead of burning the book for its cover's title is a path to true human enlightment.

2003-05-05T13:47:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Minerva by Deftones
Current Mood: ...

Israeli Cop Mistakenly Undressed, Fondled at Party
Mon May 5,10:27 AM ET

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - An Israeli policeman responding to neighbors' complaints about a rowdy hen party received an unexpected welcome at the door when revelers mistook him for a stripper and began to take off his clothes and stroke him.

"The women had ordered a stripper dressed as a police officer," national police spokesman Gil Kleiman said on Monday.

The policeman showed the women his badge but they thought it was part of the act. He was extricated only after his partner came up and vouched for his identity, Kleiman said.

"She took off my shirt and untied my shoelaces," the officer was quoted by the Yedioth Ahronoth daily as saying about one of the partygoers. "She started stroking me and called on her friends to join in."

--

That was real. link = Here

2003-05-02T01:28:00.000-05:00

2003-05-01T19:29:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Big Truck by Coal Chamber
Current Mood: Worried about Reina.

Stolen from the Asian Goddess' Blog, aka Juu.

What time is it: 6:16 PM
What day: May 1st [happy birthday Mei and Tortor]

You
Name: Kenneth Andrew Howell
Nicknames: Fluffy, Tank, South Texas Evil Pope, Muffin, Kenny, DeathKnight, Rizzo, Gypsy, JestR, Mustard, Narna, Con-Fah, Soviet.
Sex: Frequently.
Hetero/homo/bi: Hetero so far.
Location: San Antonio, Texas. Northwest part, near Leon Valley.
Siblings: 1 or more.
Their age & sex: Uhh. My little sister would be.. 12-13 now. She's female apparently- I think thats a requirement for being a 'sister',
Birth place: San Antonio, Texas.
Birth date: August 10th.
Height: 6'3, 6'4 with shoes.
Eye color: Black.
Hair color: Black.
Sign: Leo.
Word/Phrase: "No way in fuck."; "Booyaka."; "I guess."
Going to get married: Who knows.
How old: Almost 15.
How many kids: 90, I'm an Arabian Prince.
Boy name (s): Lee, Jesse, Joseph, Ken, Andrew.
Girl name (s): Jennifer, Ashley, Daneilla.

What’s Your…
Color: Off Grey.
Symbol: Broken Glasses, Blood on the Shards.
Animal: Black Widow Spider.
Website: www.gamespot.com, www.elgoonishshive.com, www.megatokyo.com
Song: Minerva by Deftones, Rizzo by Chimaira

Places you have lived:
1. Universal City, Texas.
2. San Antonio, Texas.

Places you want to live: (That I haven't been to?)

1. The rings of Jupiter.

Where you see yourself in a year:
1. Dead.
2. If not dead, hospitalized.
3. Delving further into the occult to continue my studies of demonology, magic, and the darker side of the supernatural.
4. Not a Christian anymore.
5. With the same girlfriend.
6. Takeing care of the people I love. Continueing to hate the other 99 percent of the world.

Last year you were:
1. Drugged.
2. Hospitalized.
3. Lonely.
4. Drifting onto OB finally.

Where you see yourself in five years:
1. Dead.
2. Or on the road, travelling.

With $1,000,000 I would...
1. Invest in Stocks.
2. Give random 20 dollar bills to the homeless men and women who you dont see on commercials getting help.
3. Eat good ramen?

Name four people of same sex:
1. Neil
2. Trav
3. Mitch
4. James

Now, name one good thing about them:
1. Neil: We have alot of the same veiws, and seem to balance each other out.
2. Trav: You are wise. And silly. Sort of like a fortune cookie.
3. Mitch: Badass motherfucking poet my friends.
4. James: Best bro IRL man, funny and cool.

And one bad:
1. Neil: You're as bad tempered as me.
2. Trav: Sometimes a bit too controlling, can be cold in a strategetic "I need to get there no matter what" way.
3. Mitch: Ehh. Umm. *random* You're a bad golfer? I dunno. W/e.
4. James: You can be quiet sometimes too, sometimes for too long.

Name four people of opposite sex:
1. Juu
2. Britty
3. Reina
4. _____! CATS! I dunno. Er. Roxie.

Now, name one good thing about them:
1. Juu: Cute and sweet, you can handle any sort of conversation from serious to downright oddly silly RPGing. Great all around person.
2. Britty: You've been there for me for a year. Best friend I have ever fucking had, and most likely will ever have.
3. Reina: My girlfriend! Come on, I could say endless things about her. Well, the main thing I love about her, is that she is flexible emotionally- If you're sad, she'll be sad with you if you want. If you're happy, she'll be hyper with ya. It just makes for a great relationship.
4. Roxie: j00 r leet! Just kidding. You are intellectual- You think in new ways, have different ideas from the masses. I like that,

And one bad:
1. Juu: Problems with senseitivity, getting over Bryan, understanding what beauty is.
2. Britty: Seriously- What are you rebelling against?
3. Reina: You arent an outcast
4. Roxie: Trouble with my anti-christian personality.

What do you…
Want out of life: Reform.
Want from humanity: Nothing.
Want in opposite sex: Realize that equal treatment means equal hardships.
Want in a friend: I dunno.
Just want: Cigarette.

What’s your biggest…
Fear: Being completely alone.
Dream: To lead a Revolution.
Expectation: .. To lead a Revolution. o.O
Pet-peeve: People who say that you dont really know them since, for some reason, being online makes you less of a human than if you knew them IRL. Girls who starve themselves to look pretty. Parents who need to beat a child to feel authority. Drunkards. Christians.
Bad habit: Self mutilation, Smokeing, Burning Bibles.
Good habit: N/A.

Who do you think will…
Become a millionaire: Travis.
Become famous: Ben.
Be an actor/tress: Ashley.
Be a rock star: Ben and Myself.
Be a clown: Angel. Juan. Me. a trio.
Get a sex change: I might. Otherwise, uh. I think that Kim might. XD jkjk.
Get a boob job: Ashley.
Get pregnant before finishing HS: Monique.
Have no kids: James.
Never get married: Lauren.
Go to jail: Myself.
Be a model: Juu. Tori.
Have a serious sex fetish: Juu, Britty, Trav.
Become a masked murderer: o.o Myself.
Live in a trailer: Neil. *flips coin and walks away*
Fall off the face of the earth: Britty. She's ditzy enough.
Never grow up: Kevin.

Favorite…
Food: Curry Chicken.
Name: Nevri Deloras.
Color: Blood Red, Off Grey.
Animal: Dogs.
Person: Reina, Brijah, Neil, Trav.
Crayon: Black.
Thing: Dagger.
Website: Fictionmania.
Saying/Phrase from a song: "Paint your face with the blood of the weak."
Saying/Phrase from a movie: "Nee."
Letter: X. I have it etched on my door.
Number: 7
Candy: N/A
Soda: Diet Coke.
Drink: Corona.
Magazine: Popular Science.
Article of clothing: Necklace.
Type of movie: Science Fiction.
Movie: The Silence of the Lambs.
Type of Music: Nu Metal, Metal, Alternative Metal, Hard Rock, Grindcore, Rapcore, Underground Metal, Tribal, Gangster Rap, Classical, and Trance.
Store: Electornic's Boutique.
Weapon: Bastard Sword.
Restaurant: Fara's Hacienda.
Season: Winter.
Holiday: None.
Comic: Megatokyo.

What are you…
Wearing: Briefs, Jeans, White Socks, Yellow Shirt.
Thinking: "..."
Listening to: Istari by Sepultura
Wondering about: Demonic Teleportation- If spirits of the demonic form can use teleportation techniques to get around faster, or if they just have interesting speed capabilties.

Last thing you…
Read: This quiz, dumbass.
Thought: "This quiz, dumbass."
Felt: Amused at what I put for Thought.
Wore: Uh. Nothing. I sleep naked and I put this outfit on at the start of the day.
Read (book): The History of Anarchism.
Did: Write this answer.
Listened to: The starting guitar to Pariah by Erase the Grey.
Watched: Kenshin.
Ate: Fried Okra.
Bought: Delta Force: Black Hawk Down.
Drank: Diet Coke.
Said: "You do realize that throwing that dog onto my couch irratates me."

Last time you…
Talked to someone: Just now. To Juan.
Cried: Few hours ago.
Ate a pickle: Too long.
Ask someone for help: Not long enough.
Told someone how you felt: Not long enough.
Went outside: Too long.
Took a shower: Definately too long.
Gave a shower: Oooo. Definately definately too long. ^_~
Drank Lemonade: Too long.
Thought about death: Not long enough.
Thought about suicide: Last night.
Spent money: Few days ago.
Went to the beach: Too long.
Swam: Too long.
Went to church: Not long enough.
Went to a concert: Too long.
Who’s concert: Celine Dion?

Have you ever…
Loved anyone: Yes.
Hated anyone: Yes.
Done anything illegal: Yes.
Wanted to disappear: Yes.
Wanted to die: Yes.
Done something out of spite: Yes.
Lied to someone on the internet: Yes.
Stolen: Yes.
Had alcohol: Yes.
Did any illegal drug: Yes.
Wanted to kill: Yes.
Have you killed: ... define 'killed'.
Been to jail: Yes.
Died your hair: Nope.

Do you have…
Any piercing: Nope.
Are you going to get any: Nah..
If yes, where: My pussy lips?
Any Tattoos: Not yet.
Are you going to: Yeap.
If yes, where: Arm.
Of what: Upside down cross.

More you
First name: Kenneth
Middle name: Andrew
Last name: Howell
What do you want to be: Leader.
Your strength: Humor, Intellect, Wit, Ignoreing Pain.
Your weakness: Relationships, Social Stuff, Talking IRL.
Your pets: Joy, a Shih Tzu. Suzy, a border collie. 2 gerbils.
Religion: Agnostic.
Religious beliefs: Agnostic.
Medication: 40 mg Celexa, Anti Depressent. Diovan, Blood pressure. Music.
Single or taken: Heh heh.
Parents: None.
College: Hate them all.
First thing you notice in opposite sex: Personality.
What kind of car do you drive: Either my parents Toyota Avalon or the truck. Prolly the truck.
What kind of car do you wish you were driving: None. Subway system is alot easier.
Is the glass half empty or half full: Yes.
Is Elvis dead: Did Elvis write this survey?

Last person you…
Talked to: Britty.
Listened to: Mom.
Dreamed of: Sister.
Thought of: Monique.
Touched: I dont keep track of who I touch, if you catch my drift.

Have you ever…
Drank: Yea.
Smoked: Yea.
Broken the law: Yea.
Ran away: Yea.
Cheated on a test: Yea.;
Lied: Yea. [nice melodrama Juu, lmao.]
Played strip poker: Yea. I won too.
Broken a bone: Nope.
Played Twister… naked: Yeap.
Had surgery: Yeap.
Had a medical emergency: Yeap.
Gotten beat up: Yeap.

Opposite Sex:
Blonde, Redhead or Brunette: Black.
Tall or short: Shorter.
What do you notice first (honest): Breasts.
Must have: Personality. Reasonable looks.
Cant have: Preppyness.
Hair- curly or straight: Dont care.
Hair-long or short: Long.
Personality trait: Freedom.
Eyes: I'd prefer them to have eyes, o.-

Do you believe in…
Luck: Yeap.
God: Yeap..
Friends Forever: Yeap.
Abortion: It's the mother's kid. Who gives.
Horoscopes: Sure. Wth.
Premarital Sex: I'm not a virgin, so yes.
Religion: Nope.
Aliens: Haha. Yeah, right.
Telepathy: Yes
Love at first sight: Yeap.

What do you think of…
Alt. Rock: Pointless.
Rap: Its coo.
Country: Stupid.
Classical: Like it.
Heavy Metal: Sootheing.
Hard Rock: Not as sootheing.
Oldies: Hate it.
Punk Rock: Depends.

Who…
Makes you laugh most: Trav.
Stupidest person you know: >.o Alex.
Smartest person you know:: Trav.
Do you have a crush on (not famous): No comment.
Do you have a crush on (famous): Eh. I like OTEP's singer.
Do you go to for advice: No one.
Has the best life: Dont give a damn.
Do you envy most: lol. like i'd envy any of you.
Knows the most about you: Britty.
Do you know the best: Britty. o.o
Has it easier, girls or guys: Girls.

Which one?
Bitter or sweet: Bitter.
Coke or Pepsi: Coke.
Sprite or 7up: Piss
Day or night: Night.
Diamonds or pearls: Both signify inner beauty, the diamond from the coal, the pearl from the sand. Either.
Gold of silver: Gold.
Stairway to Heaven or Highway to Hell: Seaway to Moderate Capatilism, please.
Land or sea: Sea,
Sky or land: Land.
Love or lust: Lust,
B.King or McD’s: McD's.
Mountains or prairies: Mountains.
Wings or claws: Claws.

Last…
What time is it: 7:27
What day is it: May 1st.

2003-05-01T13:38:00.000-05:00

DeathKnight V4: Topic Title on Yahoo Message Board: "Give the Kurds California!"
Zacherai: lol
DeathKnight V4: Kurds: *loose english* I wish they all could be California girls!
DeathKnight V4: Iraqis: o.o;
Zacherai: lololol

2003-04-28T04:36:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Hurt by NiN.
Current Mood: No nonesense, "Where's my cigarette?", "Get the fuck away".

What month should you have been born in?

this quiz was made by Erin

What month should you have been born in?

this quiz was made by Erin

the second time I was more honest with it.

How evil are you?

o_O;;

Devestation
What's Your Anime Weapon?

I swear I get like 1/5th "You are nice" results and the rest say i'm Satan. lmao.

What is my spectrum?

I am blue: My main color is blue. I am a little bitter when people choose a blissfully ignorant aproach to life. I try to see things for the way they really are.

What is my spectrum?

My Romance Meter

Optimist 50%

50% Cynic

Close 68%

32% Distant

Long Term 56%

44% Brief

What does my romance meter read?

Book Worm Meter

Shut In 71%

29% Out Of The House

Intellectual 77%

23% Moron

High Attention Span 59%

41% Low Attention Span

Bookitude 70%

30% Book Burner

Book Worm 69.25%

30.75% Bug Stomper

Take your bookworm readings.

Would I Survive A Pit Match Against Clinton And Bush

12% chance Bush would kill you.

0% chance Clinton would kill you.

0% chance he would sexually harass you.

88% chance you would kill them.

Enter Combat

lmfao.

Are you Addicted to the Internet?

89%

L33T H@x0r (81% - 100%)
You live and breathe the Internet. You rarely leave your computer(s) for fear of going through withdrawl. You are beginning to say "lol" and "brb" in verbal conversations and you haven't seen your friends face-to-face in months if you don't count their web cams. Maybe it is time to back away from the computer slowly and go get some fresh air? The Internet will be here when you get back!

The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com!

Which of my Original Characters are You?

by Christi

This test taken at & hosted by theaerozone.com, which has more tests to keep you occupied than should be allowed :~)

you are...

IMPAITIENT

It's time for you to take a good look at yourself, impaitience is not a good way to get people to like you :)

take the How paitient are you? quiz by maikamariel

you live in the...

CLOUDS

you are full of imagination and often daydream. and you often wish that there was such things as magic. you're also pretty superstitious.

take the where do you live? quiz by maikamariel

What's Your Personality?Find out!

what color are you?

My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Coolness Selector, is You are a veritable mount McKinley of coolness. With hard work, dedication, and another shot or two of Jack Daniel's you too may reach my Everest of coolness. Keep up the good work!

Which Depressing Rock Song Are You?

Take the test at Disjointed.

FIRE

-direction: South

-color: Red

-time of day: Midday

-season: Summer

-elemental spirit: Firedrakes or Salamanders

-magickal tool: Wand or Staff

Which element are you? Quiz by maikamariel

	dancer a beautiful and charming warrior. flirty; fascinating; uber sexy!
[Final Fantasy Tactics Job Class]

*turns into Kenna* I'm the master, you're the slave, get on the bed, before your dead and maimed.

I am bad. So bad. I absolutely hate people and animals. In fact, I probably sacrifice them. No one likes me, but of course it isn't my fault. I should just go back to New York because I am a corrupt Jesus.

Take the What Jesus Would You Be? Quiz

2003-04-28T01:45:00.000-05:00

rough draft, story. untitled for now.

Chapter 1.

Bang, Bang, Bang.

...

...

...

Bang, Bang, Bang.

The door rattled loudly from the loud beating, jarring me from my blissful slumber. I rolled over and glanced at the clock, stretching and yawning loudly as I did.

"5:11.."

I tossed the covers off of myself and sat upright, swinging my legs over my bed and getting up, letting out a soft groan as I did. I grabbed a pair of jeans from my floor and slid them on, half heartidly opening the door to my room and walking down the pitch black hallway to the stairs.

Bang, Bang, BANG.

"Alright, Alright- Hang on for a damn minute.."

I jogged quickly down the stairs and to the front door, unlocking the deadbolt, door and opening it slowly, eyes still not fully open. Leaning against the doorframe, the smell of alcohol heavy on his breath, was Mervin Willis- My next door neighbor and heavily religious man.

"Mr Willis, it's barely 5 AM, what do you want?.."

His eyes opened wide for a second as he contemplated the question, a mischeivous- and drunken- grin appearing on his face, before he leaned in close to me, eyeing me carefully.

"Son, God talked to me again.."

I let out a heavy sigh and began to close the door, not willing to waste any of my time to this- at least, not at this hour. Stubbornly, he stuck his foot in the door, and in suprising strength, reopened it, handing me a bible as he swayed shakily on his feet.

"GOD, SON! GOD HAS TOLD ME OF YOUR FUTURE SINS! THE THINGS YOU WILL COMMIT ARE FIENDISH.."

"Pardon me sir, but what the hell are you talking about?"

"Just believe.. believe and all will be well.."

He let out a hiccup and turned, walking down the concrete path to the street- but stumbleing halfway there, tripping over himself and falling to the ground. I rushed out to help him, but with pure willpower he forced himself up.

"Nope! Nope- I'm ok. I got the power of the lord! G'night Ken, and remember- BELIEVE! DONT COMMIT THOSE ACTS!"

"G'night Mr Willis."

Shakeing my head, I turned and walked back to my house. I glanced down at the bible, noteing the faded cover, the words "Divine Holy Scriptures Of Our Christian Lord" written in the most stately, beautiful text. I closed the door behind me, locking it as I thumbed through the old bible carefully.

Halfway up the stairs my eyes caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure at the top of the stairs, causeing me to gasp loudly in the darkness, before a light switched on above it. My older sister stood, dressed in her nightly underwear, looking as if she was still lost in a dream.

".. Who was it, Ken?"

"Mr. Willis. He's pretty drunk this time.."

"Damn.. Ever since he retired from being the preacher he's been getting himself drunk and acting insane.. Well, fuck that. I'm headed back to bed, G'night lil bro."

"Yea.. Night Sis."

I finished my ascent up the stairs and flipped the light back off, feet shifting uneasily underneath me. I reached for the door handle and flung it open lightly, my eyes suddenly bolting open. It was just static- There was no room there, it was if I was looking at a TV screen instead of the doorway.

My hand uneasily reached out to it, hesistating briefly a mere inch from the anomolie. Finally, I touched it, and felt a wonderful pleasure wash over me. It was welcome me, drawing me in, and I complied. Takeing a deep breath, I took a large step into it, closeing my eyes right before I crossed over.

Silence.

Opening my eyes, I stared down a dark alleyway, a small canal etched in the center of it, a stream of water flowing in it from the sound. It was dark- Incredibely dark, I could not see what was on either side of me, as if it was just.. not there. I groped curiously at the side, my hand touching a soft, fleshy material. Something slithered underneath my hand, and I retracted my hand quickly, stepping back, a mix of confusion and terror washing over me.

An eight year old girl stepped out, a venemous viper hissing lightly at me, coiled around her head. I couldnt see her face, dirty, wet strands of black hair draped off her whole head, passing an inch over her shoulder. She turned silently, stepping into the canal, a light splashing noise reverberating across the plain landscape.

She began to skip down the canal, a loud rushing noise starting the exact moment she did. I glanced down to the opposite end of the canal, cussing loudly as a wall of the same water from the canal cascaded out of the blackness, inundateing everything that I could see- and heading straight for the girl.

I reached out to her and tried to yell to her, but my voice didnt work. I grasped blindly at my throat, trying to clear it, only the same silence escapeing out of it. I gathered all my strength, takeing in the deepest breath I could, and attempted to let out one monsterous yell.

I was taken aback as my voice suddenly returned to me, several shattering noises accompanying my yell. It halted the girl in her tracks, the wall of water getting nearer and nearer to her. She slowly, non chalantly turned, faceing straight twards me.

Her arms whipped out, as the wave of water was upon her. The whole wave changed from water, seemingly into nothing. But, within in a few seconds, I heard a shattering noise right next to me. I glanced to the side, as a shard from a mirror flew within a few milimeters of my face, shattering a few feet behind me. I turned just as soon as the wave of shards slammed into my body, more than half going right through me from the sheer force that was behind them.

Pain racked my body, and I felt strength ebbing straight out of me. I fell to my knees, bringing my hands into veiw. Streams of blood were pouring down my arm and off my elbow, large pierce wounds right through my wrists. I glanced back up to the little girl, her stance as still as a statues, my vision blurring off and on, as I began to sweat what I was sure my last few minutes of life away.

She took a step foreward, her heels clicking along the now dry canal, briskly walking twards me. I reached down to the ground and grasped a shard that was the size of a dagger. It slit deeply into my palms, but I couldnt feel pain anymore- My brain was realeseing massive doses of painkillers, its effects continueing to blur my vision as lightheadedness overtook me as well. I swayed a bit before falling onto my free hand, shakily forcing myself to glance up to the little girl.

I could smell her. She was only a foot away.

Raising the shard, I gathered what little strength I had left and slammed it into the little girl, but instead I heard a cracking noise, and I glanced up, my other hand falling to the ground to support me. The shard was jammed into a light blue hue that I recognized as some sort of fantasy shield, or something near quite near it.

Straight from the shard, drops of my blood fell from it's tip onto her dress. Her head moved, her gaze shifting down to her dress. I heard a soft whine, and a cracking noise four times as loud as the one I had caused, as her shield died down. She began to softly cry over her dress, and I reached out to that very item, aiming to toss her to the side or something.. I wasnt thinking clearly.

The dress was drenched, the liquid in it oozeing over my hand. I pulled her into the light that was beaming down on myself, and began to laugh amusedly at myself, as I saw her dress. I broke out into a howl, falling down on my side and stareing at her silently, my breathing becomeing shorter and quicker.

Her dress was drenched in blood. The wave.. the canal.. it was flowing in blood. I was taken aback by my own stupidity, the horror of the situation bounceing right off my dead nerves. My arms went numb, hyperventalation takeing over me as I rested in a pool of my own blood. She stepped into the light, and leaned down to me, parting the hair from her eyes to reveal an innocent, extremely cute face, aside from the droplets of crimson on her cheek.

"Help me." she whispered.

End Chapter 1.

Need to edit some things, add some things. I wrote it in half an hour last night, and I do not want any criticism, not even constructive. Its not done yet, I can promise you that, and I do believe I can make it much better.

*had nothing else to post in here*

2003-04-26T04:34:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Minerva by Deftones
Current Mood: Pissed off.

-_-;

so fucking angry.

bah.

2003-04-23T16:29:00.000-05:00

Current Song: Lumps by Chimaira
Current Mood: Fine.

This whole thing with France is highly amusing to me. They suddenly want to hop on the bandwagon trying to support US-lead shit, when just a couple of months ago they were completely against everything we were- I half expected them to ask for the Statue of Liberty back. Now, suddenly, as soon as the US blitzkrieg [yes, thats what it was- Just like Hitler's blitzkrieg into Poland], is over and we have complete control of the Oil, France starts getting goody goody- But, now, our great patriotic democracy is trying to figure out ways to PUNISH France- Yes, France is getting what it deserves for being the idiotic nation that it is.

France is basically the wildcard that's been passed around for a number of wars. They seem to forget that they would all be speaking German now if the combined sacrifice of the British and Anglo-Americans hadnt of driven them out of France, and if the Russians helped on the other end- They didnt do SHIT in that war, they were just fucking pussies. France should not have a seat in the secruity council, they should not be in NATO, they didnt stand by their allies- Hell, Bulgaria was more help than those fucking French pussies. I was half expecting some Iraqi landing vehicle to land on France's coast and take it over with age old Russian rifles, lol.

Oh well.

Dont even get me started on North and South Korea. Juu said "They dont want to fight each other- Most of them are families." and that if the US went to war South Korea would provide medics- That's it? Medics? I'd rather let those fucking idiots get run over by the commies and learn what its like to no longer have freedom- They'd be with their families but they would have hardly any ecnomonic freedom. Stupid Koreans- They dont realize that if North Korea declares war they wont need to use any of their army to fight the South Koreans- If they have even one Nuke, it will be the president's call to use it- Not the sentimental fools living their. Thusly, the South Koreans might get slaughtered anyway, and it wont be from their Family from the North. The United States went through a Civil War, often Family against other Family- Half a Million Americans were Slaughtered. Thats why the United States is a world power- We do what we have to, no matter the cost. What it comes down to is that when you are dealing with matters of politics and nations family has to be out of the picture, and your future has to be in your mind. If South Korea gets invaded by North Korea I hope Bush doesnt do a damn thing, so the idiots can hug their families and then instantly be under a new freedomless rule.

Goddamn the Peace Loving idiots in this world. War is the ultimate way to solve things, its been proven throughout time. Peace is an outdated practice, no matter how much you strive to get world peace, it will never happen- and i'm glad. War is the ultimate way to prove that you are fully with your opinon, and you will fight to the death for it.

Fuck France, Fuck Korea, Fuck Bush, Fuck All Democracies.

2003-04-22T05:08:00.000-05:00

- Two Tickets for Nowhere -

I tried to take out a penny today, but I was one penny short.
Guess I walked too fast for the hole in my pocket to burn right to my brain.
Those cigarettes and razor blades just arent close enough to heaven anymore.
Quicksand just aint quick enough for the scars.
Cloudy skies just cant hide the world from me anymore.
And it's rain doesnt wash off my pain.
Pain and emotion are just dead nerves.
So why am I sitting in a mudpit?
Angels danceing round my head,
The Glory of God cant penitrate.
But Satan sure as hell can.

And I said
"Why does any of it matter?"
Only dripping comeing to my ears.
Scared for a moment, looked to my wrists.
But I was two minutes too far gone to call to my saviours.
Leaned my back against the wall, stared into the darkness.
Tuneing myself in to the inaudible sermon.
Cause God's grace was seeping through my wrist.
But instead, it was only my parents opening my own door.

Red and blue flashing lights, sirens echo
As everything slowly turned black.
But halfway down that white tunnel
Someone dragged me back.
I was kicking and screaming, refusing to go.
My eyelids slid open, and the first thing I heard was my own sigh.
He wouldnt let me die, no wouldnt let me die.
Reborn out of the fire, still got third degree burns on my hands.

Puppet parents sitting and stareing at me, empty blank eyes
My own gaze sadder than before.
Lost, broken- I tried to die, and still couldnt run.
Nothing really matters to anymore,
When you're frozen you dont feel it anyway.
World's just a festering pool of opinons
Nothing more than a giant debate.
It doesnt need one more contender
For the grand prize of arrogant fuck.

So whats right and wrong.
Swords and guns? Religion and God? Heart and Soul?
Fuck that- I'll never be able to die like I want to.
Because I woke up today for the free ride to heaven.
But I was too damn poor.
So all I can do is sit at the gates.
And wait for that busride back to hell.

So why does any of it matter?

2003-04-22T03:32:00.000-05:00

2003-04-21T05:57:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Inhale by Stone Sour
Current Mood: heh.

My knuckles just reopened.. A day ago I slammed them as hard as I could into the brick on my house, and I started bleeding all over the place from it. The wound's reopened twice, i've forgotten how to handle major wounds I inflict on myself. Its dripping on the keyboard, ugh. I need more papertowels. Its odd to me how consistant my hatred brews yet I still care about so many people and can be labeled as 'nice' and 'funny' still. That last wish to the first star of the eve' came true, I suppose. I'm listening to several songs that I enjoy greatly, as my blood drips. Pain keeps me sane, I suppose.

Yesterday was Easter, and thankfully I wasnt pelted with a ton of "Happy Easter"s. STupid Christian holiday. I hate religion. Eee. -_-;

Priston Tale returned to being free open beta, and I hit level 29 last night and finished the quest to change from a Fighter into a Warrior. Cool shit. I'm going to have to get some more money to invest my skill points more, again. o.O; But I might not make the night from all this blood. Guh.

Alright. I went and took care of the wound, I rebandaged it, heh. My mind is numb with emotional and physical turmoil, -_-.. God I hate living, beh. Stupid idiotic God that granted all these fuckign lambs their damned lifes. Fuck Governments, Fuck Religions, Fuck Adults, Fuck Kids, Fuck Teenagers, Fuck The Goddamned Halos. --; I need a vacation.

Meh. I just dont enjoy life anymore, I dont feel welcome in life, I am not meant to be here, its an out of place feeling that no one can stop me from having for some odd reason. Maybe its jelaously? Maybe its a mental illness. MAYBE I'M POSSESSED BY A DEMON! Bah. What the fuck ever who the fuck cares. --;

Song Lyrics Day:

This is a day where I list a few of my favorite songs, a new thing I thought up to bide my time..

So Much For The Afterglow
Performed by Everclear

this is a song about susan
this is a song about the girl next door
this is a song about the everyday occurrences
that make me feel like letting go
yes i think we got a problem
so much for the afterglow

this is a song about susan
this is a song about the way things are
this is a song about the scary things
you see from the corner of your eyes
don't you wonder why?

we never talk about the future
we never talk about the past anymore
we never ask ourselves the questions
to the answers that nobody
even wants to know
i guess the honeymoon is over
so much for the afterglow

i remember we could talk about anything
i remember when we used to want to hangout
i remember we could talk about anything
i remember when we used to want to hangout
i remember we could talk about anything
i remember when we used to want to hangout
i remember when we used to want to hangout
i remember we could talk about anything
i remember i remember i remember

we never talk about the future
we never talk about the past anymore
we never ask ourselves the questions
to the answers that nobody needs to know

oh well oh well oh well
so much for the afterglow
oh well oh well oh well
so much for the afterglow
oh well oh well oh well oh well
yes i guess we need the drama

(so much for the afterglow)

All Fucked Up
Peformed By Everclear

(Hahahaha....Hey, what in the fuck are you laffing at!?!)

(Get outta the way..1,2,3,4,1,2,3, GO!)

I am all fucked up
And I'm ready to break
I don't wanna be the guy
Who is always on the outside
I wanna find my own good place

All fucked up
And I don't know how
How I ever got to where I feel
Like I am dying on the inside
I want to be happy
But I don't know how

I am all fucked up
And it's always the same
I always get so close,
Then I let it get away
I got no one but myself to blame

I'm all fucked up
And I don't know why
If the rest of my life
Is going to be like this
Think I'd rather die
I am all fucked up

Chorus:
Yes, I am all fucked up
You're happy
When you are all fucked up
Yes, I am all fucked up
(Chorus repeats several times)

I am all fucked up
And I'm ready to break
I don't wanna be the guy
Who is always on the outside
I wanna find my own good place

All fucked up
And I don't know how
How I ever got to where I feel
Like I am dying on the inside
I want to be happy
But I don't know how

I am all fucked up
And it's always the same
I always get so close,
Then I let it get away
I got no one but myself to blame

I'm all fucked up
And I don't know why
If the rest of my life
Is going to be like this
Think I'd rather die
I am all fucked up

Inhale
Performed By Stone Sour

Come one and all and see the broken man, talking to himself
He sits and waits for something better, he'll never find it here
The people touch his hair and pinch his cheek; he can't even feel it
There it goes again, he's listening to someone
He hears the bitter laughter
And all he wants to know is...

Why........does any of it matter? (I can't take it anymore)
You've gotta try...........the inhale that makes the exhale so much better

He wipes his hands on anything in reach, he never feels clean
He shakes at night because his nerve is gone, every muscle hurts
Come one and all and see what happened...that broken man is me

There it goes again, I can hear it louder
It doesn't feel good anymore
All I want to know is...

Why..........does any of it matter? (I can't take it anymore)
You've gotta try............the inhale that makes the exhale so much better

NOW I KNOW I DISAPPEAR!
I CAN'T FIND MY WAY FROM OUT OF HERE!
EVERYTHING IS FADING ON ME!
SOMEONE TELL ME... someone tell me...
Someone tell me

Why............does any of it matter? (I can't take it anymore)
You've gotta try...........the inhale that makes the exhale so much better .

In This Diary
Performed By The Atari's

Here in this diary
I write you visions of my summer
It was the best I ever had
There were choruses and singalongs
And that unspoken feeling of knowing
That right now is all that matters

All the nights we stayed up talking
Listening to 80's songs
And quoting lines from all those movies
That we know
It still brings a smile to my face

I guess when it comes down to it
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
These are the best days of our lives
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
And eventually you'll finally get it right

Breaking into hotel swimming pools
And wreaking havoc on our world
Hanging out at truck stops
Just to pass the time
The black tops singing me to sleep

Lighting fireworks in parking lots
Illuminate the blackest nights
Sharing cokes under this moonlit summer sky
2015 Riverside, it's time to say goodbye

Get on the bus, it's time to go
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
These are the best days of our lives
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
And eventually you'll finally get it right

(Get it right)

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
These are the best days of our lives
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
And eventually you'll finally get it right

Behold The Flames
Performed By Grave

Dawn of creation for the second time
Sin or salvation which one will it be?

Meet the one who they call the fallen one
Rules reserved now as evil is in command

Sin or salvation?
Feel no sympathy
For the ones left behind
Their times is soon to come

Ignore the one who they call their saviour
Rule reversal under my command

As the night falls
Take your first breath
Behold the flames
As the world burns

Wasn't it worth it to die?
Better on the dark side
No preachers and masses and lies
Never more look to the sky

As the night falls
Take your first breath
Behold the flames
As the world burns

Now that you've seen our side
Can you return to the lie?
Wasn't it worth it to fry?
Rid all the troubles of fire

But they told you Jesus is still alive
Angel choirs versus angels' cries
Should not be a problem to decide
Are you in or out?

I Want To Die A Beautiful Death
Performed by Everclear

everybody here in this small town
looks used and abused today
everybody here is looking outside in
it seems like nothing ever changes

everybody they just want to have a good time
everybody they jsut want to forget
everybody wants to feel
like they did when the sky looked good
and the world was perfect

i dont care
i just wanna die pretty
i just wanna get lost in the motion
i just wanna get lost in my beautiful self
i just wanna get lost in this city
i dont wanna live forever
i want to die a beautiful death

i got to get the hell out of this town
everybodys looking upside down
everybody here is looking for the same pain
it really seems like nothing ever changes

everybody they just to find a slow ride
everybody they jsut want to get by
everybody wants to feel
like they did when the sky looked high
and the world was simple

i just want to die pretty
sometimes i just want to die
i just want to get lost in the moment
i just want to get lost in myself

2003-04-18T01:16:00.000-05:00

Current Music: None.
Current Mood: o.o

Hmm. Tomorrow I think most of the youth [in the United States, at least], are off from school. A collective "fucking finally" reverberates from the world, eh? I think I might invite Ben or James over, heh. Depends. Or I might just head to the mall and buy a CD and game. Once again, it all depends. Hehe.

To all those who have Friday off, have fun!

2003-04-17T03:57:00.000-05:00

Tonight was the Memorial of Christ's death for Jehovah's Witnesses, which is basically a one hour special once a year event that celebrates the last supper.

Boring.

I just hated myself all night tonight. When I got their I felt out of place, when I was ther I felt out of place, and when I left I was so depressed I wanted one of the leaving cars to hit me. I just hate society, I cant find a good place in it.

I'm still damn depressed.. meh.. w/e.

He's got dem blues.

2003-04-15T13:24:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Kill You by KoRn
Current Mood: The same sadism Britty knows.

>.o

I hate people.

>< cough.

2003-04-14T15:41:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Be Quiet and Drive by Deftones
Current Mood: Fine.

Today was uneventful. I woke up at 11 to the sound of my alarm blareing into my ear, and I got dressed, did some school, and went to lunch with my father. My mom was unable to go anywhere because she had a severe case of vertigo, tho it seems to be doing better. I came back, went to the store, and here I am. My dad told me stories about how he used to work in a Drive-In theater for like 50 cents an hour in the fifties.

I dunno. Now i'm bored as fuck I guess.

I skipped my anti depressents again today. Dont want to be falsely happy.

2003-04-10T16:27:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Tribe to a Nation by Sepultura
Current Mood: Fine.

Man it's been a boring last two days.

And thats about it.

Mhm.

o.o

Song Lyrics of the Day:

If These Scars Could Speak
Performed by Zao

Breathe
Come out of your stare
Touch the ground with your prayers
Breathe out the lies
Breathe
His words were sharpened hooks beneath your skin
You left them in
As he shone into the eyes around him
Cradled by a cold floor
Isolation reveals his true motivation
Her petals are slowly torn away
Scarlet adorns the snow
Scarlet

2003-04-08T02:42:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Roots Bloody Roots by Sepultura
Current Mood: _______.

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Reuters) - A man who allegedly padlocked a 30-foot dog chain around his wife's neck and kept her in a cage after she threatened to leave him is now in a cage of his own -- a prison cell.

San Antonio police arrested 41-year-old Jerry Wayne Thomason on Thursday after a neighbor spotted his 45-year-old Patricia wife wearing the chain around her neck after the couple dropped off their two children at school, police said on Friday.

When police found her, the chained woman was standing in her driveway while her husband slept in the passenger seat of his car, holding onto the chain.

Neighbors said the bizarre situation began when Patricia Thomason told her husband she wanted to leave him.

"He also had her in a cage, chained up in a cage, because he didn't want her to leave," neighbor Yolanda Esquivel said.

Firefighters had to use bolt cutters to remove the chain from her neck and police said she was released from a hospital after treatment for minor cuts and bruises.

Thomason was jailed in lieu of $35,000 bond on charges of felony aggravated assault with bodily injury and unlawful restraint.

Police said the couple had been married for 15 years.

Well. Everything's bigger in Texas.

A Brief History of the Alamo

Several people online from foreign countries dont seem to know about the Alamo, the main attraction in San Antonio. Well. Read this.

Originally named Misión San Antonio de Valero, the Alamo served as home to missionaries and their Indian converts for nearly seventy years. Construction began on the present site in 1724. In 1793, Spanish officials secularized San Antonio's five missions and distributed their lands to the remaining Indian residents. These men and women continued to farm the fields — once the mission's but now their own — and participated in the growing community of San Antonio.

In the early 1800s, the Spanish military stationed a cavalry unit at the former mission. The soldiers referred to the old mission as the Alamo (the Spanish word for "cottonwood") in honor of their hometown Alamo de Parras, Coahuila. The post's commander established the first recorded hospital in Texas in the Long Barrack. The Alamo was home to both Revolutionaries and Royalists during Mexico's ten-year struggle for independence. The military — Spanish, Rebel, and then Mexican — continued to occupy the Alamo until the Texas Revolution.

San Antonio and the Alamo played a critical role in the Texas Revolution. In December 1835, Ben Milam led Texian and Tejano volunteers against Mexican troops quartered in the city. After five days of house-to-house fighting, they forced General Marín Perfecto de Cós and his soldiers to surrender. The victorious volunteers then occupied the Alamo — already fortified prior to the battle by Cós' men — and strengthened its defenses.

On February 23, 1836, the arrival of General Antonio López de Santa Anna's army outside San Antonio nearly caught them by surprise. Undaunted, the Texians and Tejanos prepared to defend the Alamo together. The defenders held out for 13 days against Santa Anna's army. William B. Travis, the commander of the Alamo sent forth couriers carrying pleas for help to communities in Texas. On the eighth day of the siege, a band of 32 volunteers from Gonzales arrived, bringing the number of defenders to nearly two hundred. Legend holds that with the possibility of additional help fading, Colonel Travis drew a line on the ground and asked any man willing to stay and fight to step over — all except one did. As the defenders saw it, the Alamo was the key to the defense of Texas, and they were ready to give their lives rather than surrender their position to General Santa Anna. Among the Alamo's garrison were Jim Bowie, renowned knife fighter, and David Crockett, famed frontiersman and former congressman from Tennessee.

Now, why is the Battle of the Alamo a significant historical event?

The Alamo became a rallying cry that helped the Texans defeat the Mexican Army at San Jacinto. Texas' independence laid the ground work for Texas' admission to the Union. Texas' admission to the Union led to a war between the United States and Mexico. At the end of the war, Mexico was required by the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo to give the United States the area that now comprises California, Arizona, New Mexico as well as the parts of other western states. Debate over whether or not the territory gained from Mexico should be open to slavery helped divide the Union and led to the Civil War. The fact that the Union was prevented from splitting apart coupled the resources gained through the Louisiana Purchase (1803), the annexation of Texas (1845), the settlement of the Oregon question (1846), and the Mexican Cession (1848) set the United States on the path of becoming a world power.

I actually have to admit I enjoy myself there. It sort of sets the tone that Texans did fight and do have the right to be as arrogant as they want. Our bloodline traces back to where we had a war to become what we are now. We arent cowboys, we arent stupid idiots who have drawls and chew tobbacco constantly. We're just decendants of true fighters, no matter what stereotypes are thrown at us with the rest of the idiotic stereotypes that afflict every person who reads this and has some form of pride about their state, their opinons, their skin color even. Therefore, I suppose that this ground has blood on it too, the ground that I am quite near to. Rest to their souls.

"We have read of deeds of chivalry, and perused [read] with ardor [passion] the annals of war; we have contemplated, with the highest emotion of sublimity, the loud-roaring thunder, the desolating tornado, and the withering simoom [storm] of the desert; but neither of these, nor all, inspired us with emotions like those felt on this occasion! The officers and men seemed to be actuated by a like enthusiasm. There was a general cry which pervaded the ranks--"Remember the Alamo! Remember La Bahia!" These words electrified all. "Onward!" was the cry. The unerring aim and irresistible energy of the Texan army could not be withstood. It was freemen fighting against the minions of tyranny, and the results proved the inequity of such a contest."

God remember those men who made this state/nation/world what it is- they shed their blood to form the respective countries you are in, shed their blood for opinons that are mainstay now, shed their blood just because someone else they cared about was being opressed.

2003-04-06T20:41:00.000-05:00

Current Music: Hurt by NiN
Current Mood: Sort of empty. Lonely.

Roxie
I sense an odd hostility between Roxie and I for some reason. Dunno. I'm not up to digging through shit to repair thing I didnt even know I broke. Good luck to her father, or something.

An Article

There was a long article about children who went through a situation like mine. There were several quotes in there that might make some people understand how it feels to be me most of the time.

"It's like living with a permanent disability. It's an ailment of the heart that can't be fixed. Pratically every day of your life, your heart yearns to know answers to questions like, Who is my real family? Where are they living? Why did they abandon me?"

"I feel cheated because of not having the association of my uncles, aunts and cousins."

"I had a problem with rage because I didnt understand why my birth mother gave me up. I felt my mother was abandoning me because I was ugly and unloveable. If she would only give me a chance, I knew I could make her proud of me. Every thought of my birth mother only increased my anger."

All from other people, who are in a situation like mine.

So thats a glimpse I suppose. Oh well.

It doesnt matter.

2003-04-05T16:21:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Faint by Linkin Park
Current Mood: Not Suprised.

Happy Trails Rox.

AEB

I'm back to being an admin there. Odd.

Parents

I hate them in a sort of nonchalant way today.

Hair

Is currently in a random direction.

More expanded details on my life as it comes.

2003-04-05T01:58:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Faint by Linkin Park
Current Mood: Kiss.. my.. fucking.. ass.. jerkoff..

You're Vash the Stampede! In the words of Meryl,
"A doughnut-eating, brush-headed, skirt-
chasing BAKA (fool)!" but you know that
there's more in that needle-noggin of yours
that would surprise people who don't know you
well.

What Trigun Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Vash,you love donuts and hitting on women.
your a goofball, but a cute, couragious
goofball.

Which Trigun Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Vash

Which Trigun Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is starting to get monotonous.

Song Lyrics of the Day:

Faint
By Linkin Park

I have a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everybody can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
To just believe this is real
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be there 'cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
'Cause you don't understand, I do what I can
But sometimes I don't make sense
I am what you never want to say, but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
For once just to hear me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

Hear me out now
You're going to listen to me
Like it or not
Right now
Hear me out now
You're going to listen to me
Like it or not
Right now

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

2003-04-03T05:14:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Final Resistance by Dark Tranquility [I love this song.]
Current Mood: ______.

I'm really sad Roxie is going, honestly. Or is is it gone? I dont know. Hm. I guess everyone is going to move on to some sort of other form of friendship aside from online life, but its surreal to me how it seems like I had known Roxie forever when I met her. I was mean to her, but I always felt like I could get along with her if I gave it a chance. I dunno. Oh well. I'll miss her. oo;

And i've had 9 of the Adult Swim fanboys and girls in my area call me Vash the Stampede in the last 3 days. -.-' its unsettling at best. But I do act like him. XD;; Thats the sad part. Especially drunk, lol.

Which Trigun Character are You like?
Takes other quizzes at Newsies Meets Anime...Anime Meets Newsies...

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! lol.

oh well..

On a side note. why arent Cheech and Chong movies in the foreign section of Blockbuster? ^_~;;;

2003-04-02T17:17:00.000-06:00

Roxie

You're just proving that you're not a true friend. lol.

Whatever. See you whenever.

[She left the online world of her own choice apparently.]

2003-04-02T05:15:00.000-06:00

Current Music: None.
Current mode: .. None?

Nothing else cool happened today. That is all. o.o

night.

2003-04-01T01:52:00.000-06:00

Current Music: A Letter To Someone Like You by Atreyu
Current Mood: o.o;

Its Motherfucking Quiz Day:

your fuck.

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fuck.

SEX APPEAL

(results contain pictures) What kind of ANIME BOOBS do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Dont care. Like that picture. o.o

I am "My Friends Over You" from New Found Glory off of the album "Sticks and Stones".

You're happy, upbeat, and having a pretty darned good time with yourself. More than likely you have recently gotten rid of someone or something that has been holding you back for a while, and with that burden gone, you have a ton of fun laying ahead of you. Better yet, you know that too.

This test taken @ TheAeroZone.com, where you can take more tests than any human should. :D

Still focusing on the above picture. Yeap.

You're A Villian!
You evil person, you. You have a dark side to you.
Your destiny is world destruction/domination.
Just so long as those pesky heros stay out of
your way.

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Come on you bastards, try and stop my world destruction >=D

okay, you're really not going to like this...

Which Enemy Of Democracy Are You?
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What the fucking shitfilled hell.

On the good days, yea. Everyone knows that.

Air Faerie

Which elemental faerie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*bows gracefully*

Snoop.

What kind of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fucking right.

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

that is way too accurate.

The Oracle Advises...

comitting suicide

Ask the Oracle a Question

What anime hue are you?

;P

Quiz Title

^_~

You're a Tormented Soul. You have problems in life.
They may even be from school or from your
household. Just hang in there :)

What Kind Of Soul Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

DEMON

(females)what is one of your past lives? (results contain pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the French Guard.
Slightly off, living in an area you really don't
belong in, you lie and taunt those around you.
From all the cruel memories of your childhood,
you decide to take revenge on cute furry farm
animals. They make good cannonballs. Ppffftt!

What Monty Python Holy Grail Quest Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Are you damned?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

You can laugh at the silly superstitions of the religious, safe in the knowledge that we are only dust and lies. All that will be left of you after you die is a slow decay and some fading memories in the minds of your friends. Hope you're enjoying your life at the moment- there's nothing better to come.

You are every goth-kids dream!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

target="new">

Take the "How Do You Use Magic?" test! Written by Brimo

You're the sad smile,the one that regrets nearly
everything and is constantly wondering about
what could have been.You're not happy with your
situation and usually blame yourself because of
the bad things that have happened.Cheer up.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Dying Heart

You have no idea why you are here on this
worthless excuse for a planet. You feel you are
a lost soul never to be found, never to be
truly loved. You may have had a trace of
happiness in your heart as a child, but so many
things have happened up to now, that slowly,
you have been drained to nothing. The few
friends you have know barely anything about
your personal experiences and you want to keep
it that way. You may wish to end it all, but
hopefully you will give yourself and life many
chances.

What kind of heart beats in you?
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x8423334)

What quote describes you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The haxor handle of Kenneth Andrew Howell is "Fr3aky Robot".

Individuality

Which Life Stage Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Black Dragon

Who is your dragon spirit guide?
brought to you by Quizilla

*Mean and Disgusted* I don't think much of anyone
likes you at all. Your mean and never give
anyone a chance to explain. But don't worry, if
you look on the bright side and change
everything on your dark side.. everyone might
start liking you just a bit more!

What Kind of Personality Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Planet Are You From?

this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)

What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-03-31T16:25:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Bombs Over Baghdad By Outkast featuring Rage Against The Machine
Current Mood: Aight. Oo;

Boring day. I played Freelancer all night, and I am ze ace. oo; I have like 234 Fighter kills 5 frieighters kills, 1 battleship kill. Battleships are impossible to kill unless you have torpedos or missles. o_O;; I need to buy a Heavy Fighter- I have the best small fighter you can get, the Corsair I think its called. Cost 33k I think. Oo; The fighting is easy for me, I have the best energy weapons you can buy, the best shield generator, etc. I didnt buy the latest thurster because mine is almost as good and I didnt want to waste 6k on it. o_O; heh.

Its fun to blow the battleships up, they break into seperate parts and explode, leaving hulking debries and shit. oh well.

Song Lyrics of the Day:

Burn
By Nine Inch Nails

This world rejects me
This world threw me away
This world never gave me a chance
This world's gonna have to pay

I don't believe in your institutions
I did what you wanted me to
Like the cancer in the system
I've got a little surprise for you

Something inside of me, has opened up its eyes
Why did you put it there? Did you not realize
This thing inside of me, it screams the loudest sound
Sometimes I think I could
Burn

I look down there where you're standing
Flock of sheep out on display
With all your lives fucked up around you
I can take it all away

Something inside of me, has opened up its eyes
Why did you put it there? Did you not realize
This thing inside of me, it screams the loudest sound
Sometimes I think I could
I'm gonna burn this whole world down

I never was a part of you (burn)

I am your savior (burn)
Of your corruption (burn)
I am the angel (burn)
Of your destruction (burn)
I am perversion (burn)
Sick with desire (burn)
I am your future (burn)
Swallowed up in fire

2003-03-30T19:15:00.000-06:00

Well. I talked them into keeping it on.

So once again I prevail.

Ahahaha =D Victory!

Yes. ^^

2003-03-30T16:59:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Me by Staind
Current Mood: Sad.

To wrap up todays devolpments.

Tomorrow, Monday the 31st, my parents are going to switch off the internet completely- not just to this computer, in totality. They beleive that by doing this my life will get 'back on track' somehow, somehow the internet is the source of all my problems suddenly. Its so pathetic, my old stupid parents spewing idoitic religious material out from their mouths. In essence, I do believe that this is for real, not just some sort of halfwit punishment. I look to fight this authority will all my will, intill I crumple over and die.

I also will most likely be disfellowshipped from the place that I called my home for so many years simply because I dont believe in being forced to go their to some form of pyschological punishment- IE the switching off of the net. Being disfellowshipped means that I will literally be losing all my friends tomorrow- A disfellowshiping means that no one that is a Jehovah's Witness can talk to me, thats against the rules. I'm being alienated from both my online and IRL friends in one swoop. That will leave me with literally nothing.

I'm being blamed for brekaing up this family for holding an opinon- Fuck this family I want it to burn to the ground with hatred. I will not be forced any longer.. I might be only 14 but I have the right to my opinon.

But the consquences that ensue are also of my own.. so this is all my fault.

But I feel that this will make be a better person, to try to form my own indvidual self seperate my parents. It might be early, but i'll be 15 in August- Thats only 3 years from the legal age I can move out. I'll be graduating in year and a half or so as well, I need to do this for myself.

But i'm sorry to all the people that will miss me, i'm just sick and tired of parental authority and I will not take it anymore- its taste will leave my mouth once and for all.

As this is my last night, as previously stated only the people who read this blog will be informed. It is entirely up to you if you wish to tell anyone else, I doubt you will. But if the net, by a supreme stroke of luck, isnt turned off tomorrow, then I Guess this is all folly. Only time will tell, very little time it seems.

Oh well.

Ken is a man with a plan that always go off course and somehow still accomplishes its goal, lol.

2003-03-30T16:38:00.000-06:00

Current Music: I Will Be Heard by Hatebreed
Current Mood: Fucked.

I'm not going to tell anyone at all about my parents decison, I dont want to ruin anyones evening. If they choose to read this blog, then they will find out, I dont want to force anything on anyone. I made that decison with Britty, she went off into town and sounded so happy I just didnt want to shove the thought that I might be gone for awhile in her head. o_O;

So to all who read this blog a few days from now- Later.

To all reading it when i'm still here- You made the choice to read.

2003-03-30T15:50:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Unloved by Hatebreed
Current Mood: Sober.

Tonight is my last night on the internet for awhile I guess.

Song Lyrics of the Day:

Hallow Ground
Performed by Hatebreed

From nothing we have risen and from nothing we still rise

Take your life back
Fight, fight
Will you fight to take you life back?

Ask yourself what's truly yours in life
Are you in control or someone's slave?
All that you cherish, all that you love
In the blink f an eye can be taken from you
In moments of tragedy we bond
And in weakness clarity thrives
I've been blessed with the inspiration
To take what little I have and always strive

Sometimes surviving is all that you can do
I never claimed to have all the answers of the solutions
My satisfaction is knowing, that my desires will not be killed
With a readiness to defend what is mine and never compromise

The foundation of our lives
Built on hollow ground
We must unlearn the prejudice
We must unlearn the lies

I've seen the calloused
I know the jaded
I've been disheartened and I've lost control
But I never crumbled and I've lost control
And I always force myself to believe

(The foundation of our lives...)

Are you willing to fight?
Are you willing?

(Take your life back...)

2003-03-30T15:09:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Stupid Girl by Cold
Current Mood: Somewhat depressed, pissed.

Tryed to argue my case to my dad. Didnt get anywhere, was told i'm "breaking up the family". Explained that I would do other things outside of the internet more often, even if I wouldnt, but that I would not be conformed to a religion that I dont beleive in. He stated that I would have to be disfellowshipped- That I do not want at all. Disfellowshipping is Jehovah's Witnesses form of kicking someone out, but you cant talk to them at all. Seriously, you cant- Its against the rules to talk to a disfellowshipped person. I'd be alone, I have no one at all outside of the Internet and my religion. lol. This is funny. haha.

Oh well. I guess my life is slowly winding down. I wish there was a restart button on this shit.

2003-03-30T15:01:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park
Current Mood: Sober.

My dad told me that he and my mom are going to sell off a few things on Ebay and then disconnect Roadrunner. lol. Why cant he understand that i'm never going to be a Jehovah's Witness? Its not a matter of rebellion, its a matter of choice- I dont believe in their teachings, therefore I dont have to serve there. I dont want to be there anymore, I hate it there. But if they disconnect it, then I guess that i'll not be around at all anymore. lol. I guess this means that I might, in the end, be destined to commit suicide. Its like i'm drawn to it, it just doesnt go away. Wear and tear causes that I guess.

But i'm not giving in. Even if the net is taken, even if i'm naked on the street i'm going to fight them with all I have, I will not be forced to do anything at all. And that's final.

I was beginning to hate it here anyway.

Dunno when that is going to take place, RIP for Kenneth Howell expected in two weeks.

2003-03-28T14:32:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Proven by Hatebreed
Current Mood: Fine.

CroNiK SSJ: Ken, you're such a fat bastard
DeathKnight V4: Could be.
CroNiK SSJ: i highly suggest that you take your own life..
CroNiK SSJ: just to end the misery
DeathKnight V4: Probable.
CroNiK SSJ: do it ken, do it now
DeathKnight V4: Nah.
CroNiK SSJ: think about it ken, you have no reason to go on
CroNiK SSJ: your a fat loser ken, just end it
DeathKnight V4: My reason to go on is for my friends.
DeathKnight V4: =P
CroNiK SSJ: i doubt you have any ken, but you put up a brave front....you little trooper
CroNiK SSJ: little fat trooper that is..
DeathKnight V4: I have many friends.
DeathKnight V4: You cant piss me off. lol. It was a funny try though.
CroNiK SSJ: people on the internet arent actually your friends, come on piggy, go kill yourself
DeathKnight V4: People on the internet are my friends.
DeathKnight V4: =P
CroNiK SSJ: those dont count
DeathKnight V4: To you.
CroNiK SSJ: they wouldnt talk to you in real life
CroNiK SSJ: because of the fatness
DeathKnight V4: I've talked to several of them on the phone.
DeathKnight V4: lol.
CroNiK SSJ: you dont seem to understand piglet...
DeathKnight V4: I do, child.
DeathKnight V4: I have friends IRL and online. lol.
DeathKnight V4: I have no reasons to end it at all.
CroNiK SSJ: no you dont, talking to people doesnt make you their friend, im sad to say
DeathKnight V4: Ah. but I dont merely talk to them.
DeathKnight V4: I comfort them. they comfort me back.
DeathKnight V4: i'm talking to you now, but that does not make you my friend at all.
CroNiK SSJ: i wouldnt be your friend, piggy.
DeathKnight V4: The feeling is mutual.
CroNiK SSJ: heh, you wish you could be even an aquaintance..but you're fat..so nobody wants to hang out with you
CroNiK SSJ: piggy
DeathKnight V4: Ah. But fat people are jolly.
CroNiK SSJ: you cry yourself to sleep dont you?
DeathKnight V4: Depends on the situation and time.
CroNiK SSJ: just end the pain chubby
DeathKnight V4: No pain right now, no reason to end it, hm?
CroNiK SSJ: every single night, its not worth it to continue
CroNiK SSJ: just end it
DeathKnight V4: not every single night.
DeathKnight V4: lol.
CroNiK SSJ: yes, every night, no need to lie piggy
DeathKnight V4: No. Not every night.
DeathKnight V4: O_o;
CroNiK SSJ: yes, every right..come on piggy, kill yourself
DeathKnight V4: night*
DeathKnight V4: And no it isnt every night. haha.
CroNiK SSJ: piggy, dont correct typos, when there is so much physicaly wrong with you
DeathKnight V4: Indeed there is, but alas I cannot stand the idiocy that is flowing from you.
CroNiK SSJ: so kill yourself, and end the suffering
DeathKnight V4: Nah.
CroNiK SSJ: yes piggy, yes
DeathKnight V4: You arent my mother. lol.
DeathKnight V4: I govern my life, you dont.
DeathKnight V4: o_O
CroNiK SSJ: thats the problem piggy, you let your life go, and have become a fat, useless waste
CroNiK SSJ: just end it
DeathKnight V4: I havent had enough time to have a life.
DeathKnight V4: Fat? I'm mildly overweight. :P
DeathKnight V4: Useless? I'm more intelligent than you and a few grades ahead.
CroNiK SSJ: i doubt that piggy
DeathKnight V4: I dont.
CroNiK SSJ: well then you're wrong piggy, as usual.
CroNiK SSJ: go kill yourself
DeathKnight V4: I'm not wrong. Its an opinon.
DeathKnight V4: Opinons are never wrong.
DeathKnight V4: :P
CroNiK SSJ: your are piggy, since your so fat
DeathKnight V4: Why does being fat make me different?
DeathKnight V4: I bet you're fat as well, piglet.
CroNiK SSJ: because, fat people are gross idiots
DeathKnight V4: No, piglet.
CroNiK SSJ: haha, no piggy, im perfect.
DeathKnight V4: Fat people are merely overweight.
CroNiK SSJ: dont even try
DeathKnight V4: Once again, same for you.
DeathKnight V4: =P
CroNiK SSJ: shut up fatty, you have no say, since im not fat, your idiotic assumtions dont bother me
CroNiK SSJ: but you are fat, and therefore, should be dead
DeathKnight V4: Not especially.
CroNiK SSJ: so go hang yourself
DeathKnight V4: lol. You're funny.
DeathKnight V4: I said 'Nah'.
DeathKnight V4: AKA, No.
CroNiK SSJ: come on piggy, do me this favor
DeathKnight V4: Favors dont come easy.
CroNiK SSJ: go kill yourself, and ill send you $40
DeathKnight V4: Too bad I wouldnt be able to spend it.
CroNiK SSJ: http://www.mapquest.com/maps/map.adp?size=big&map data=Z4hBeDJQe5el%2fwhx4VctW%2fyx0ez%2bpxbk8i0b hUSN7sDCuDDCFgYkihTKHErDKJ8ZaLE6wieEVTj1esyTGyd c5LYmyD7C6iTE%2bkoPsSeTQoo4OgE1rwhAxwrrjtCOL71 GUMC6HVmR5khF36lZypKaRYZsPrRfUSGqQCB8xLjPyD68 ngxiE%2b3XmtqNU5CCyGgAekIwJpYCKkZp8LBkqR%2bN UfVh9XBo0fJSkakzT8JeBwy3HQUh5eah%2f7IMnPxpusKLc piN9A8E44kwlPKOuVtYtYXoGU%2fsRK4zhWyO7kcFP4S7JN c1NGuOMEMXivksE0gNnhSbQnelH2pZqvBDfgKLYhE9%2bG lFlsE0eu7fIFTEAwixecOVc7UmLJEkptdtiRkmn%2brZxFbWI uHCn44oJGxj8oyuhyBV5A1%2f2v8zZs6bKPsyIeQydTgJdQ %3d%3d
CroNiK SSJ: what a shitty place
CroNiK SSJ: no wonder you're so fat
DeathKnight V4: Error Code 100 it says.
DeathKnight V4: lol.
CroNiK SSJ: works for me, maybe you're too much of a failure to even visit a website
CroNiK SSJ: how sad
CroNiK SSJ: a fat, useless waste of space, that is too stupid to even access a webpage..
CroNiK SSJ: just end it piggy
DeathKnight V4: What is the point of this? lol.
CroNiK SSJ: the point is that im trying to make the world a better place by removing you from it
DeathKnight V4: The world would be a better place with all of us removed.
DeathKnight V4: =P
CroNiK SSJ: wow, that was a stupid thing to say
DeathKnight V4: Not especially.
CroNiK SSJ: yes piggy
DeathKnight V4: lol. This is boring.
CroNiK SSJ: as is the rest of your life, end it
DeathKnight V4: Not really. I do alot of exciting things.
DeathKnight V4: I mountain bike, play guitar.
DeathKnight V4: :P
CroNiK SSJ: like sit around chatting with people online?
DeathKnight V4: Go to the Arcade, do some Silent Scope.
DeathKnight V4: I do that alot too. ^_^ Fun times.
CroNiK SSJ: yeah, ill bet you mountain bike piggy
DeathKnight V4: I do.
DeathKnight V4: O_o I have the scars to prove it.
DeathKnight V4: lol
CroNiK SSJ: general people who bike around are in better shape than you
CroNiK SSJ: fat-stuff
DeathKnight V4: Not really.
DeathKnight V4: Fat people on bikes are funny tho.
DeathKnight V4: ^-^
CroNiK SSJ: oink oink? end it piggy
DeathKnight V4: Nah.
CroNiK SSJ: yes piggy, you have no reason to go on...even your family wants you gone, thats why they contacted me
DeathKnight V4: I want my family gone too.
DeathKnight V4: So the feeling is mutual.
DeathKnight V4: lol
CroNiK SSJ: so end all the pain for everyone, and take your own life...its the smart thing to do
DeathKnight V4: Nah.
CroNiK SSJ: piglet?
CroNiK SSJ: know whats a funny word? moom
DeathKnight V4: Moom.
DeathKnight V4: Hm.
CroNiK SSJ: yeah, moom...just sounds funny
CroNiK SSJ: agree?
DeathKnight V4: Yes./
CroNiK SSJ: good, then kill yourself
DeathKnight V4: Nah.

o_O;....

And you guys wonder why i'm so pissy. lol.

2003-03-27T15:35:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Bombs over Baghdad by Outkast featuring Rage Against the Machine
Current Mood: Fine.

Last night my mom asked if I had taken my meds. I was like "Shove it up your.." and she got all pissy. lol.

So this morning I woke up and found a takeout on the table and my dad was like "Since you're rude to mom, you wont be going to lunch with us till you clean your act up." I replied "Do I look like I give half a fuck?"

I dont care, either. Silly adults.

2003-03-25T15:35:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Stupid Girl by Cold
Current Mood: Moderately appeased.

I'm bored. I talked to James, he seems to be pushing himself to the limit a bit much, it sounds like alot of stuff IRL is building up to cause him to be stressed for time. I hope he doesnt push himself too far, and keeps safe. That time period in life he's at, the transition into ful lblown adult- self sufficentness is going to happen to me a couple of years earlier. X.x I graduate at 16 as most of you know, and thats not too far away. I wonder how i'll handle that stress- Prolly just fine. I'm too mellow sometimes for my own GD good. lol.

Judy Woodruff's hair sucks also. *points to CNN*

More as it comes, Peace.

2003-03-25T05:08:00.000-06:00

And people said I would get better with time. Time isnt heaing.. it isnt healing.. it never was. Haha.

Haha. hahaha. HAHAHA.

I'll... go to bed now. My cheeks are dry.

And I feel my anger rising in place.. must escape to someplace to control myself.. before I lose all control of my myself.. good night..

2003-03-25T04:08:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park
Current Mood: Fucked.

Sunday, I woke up at like 3PM cause my girlfriend called. And it was cool, I chatted with her till my parents left and beyond, till it was like 5:30, when I went to get dressed- Church ends at 6pm, they go to supper right after. I agreed with them that i'd be dressed casually to go with them since the church is like a mile away. So I did. I went with them, to a chiense resturant, on Guilbeu. We sat down, and, not really to my suprise, a philospichal debate ensued. We talked about God and the Jehovah's Witness' theory of Armageddon- The statement that all who are not Jehovah's Witnesses will be slaughtered when it comes. I told them that that makes God a mindless murderer- He gave us the ability of free will in the first place, how can he not expect us to use that gift. Everything on Earth is his fault, all my pain, all the things that I hate around me came from his first fucked up moment of idiocy when he thought he could create a race of people with the option of choice, thinking they would still choose him when he instilled greed in our hearts with the free will like a backstabbing tyrant. All this.. shit that just irrates my senses with its buzzing flies to the point of immense animosity to myself.

They said that it was self defense on God's part- Self Defense from what? Are we that powerful as a single species that to the point we have the power as collective bodies to destroy out master? In theory, we cant do shit to him- He states that in his book to the extent of outright blatantcy. Yet, he still is going to destroy all who do not choose to serve him like a mindless impatient dictator who doesnt feel the need to benevolent rule, with equal oppurtunities for differing opinons instead of an extremeist "All who dont seve me will be slaughtered" veiw. That just isnt right- Not even for God. The status of 'God', the name 'God' doesnt give him any right to slaughter souls that he created. None of the people asking this had a choice to be born, and we dont have to be entered into a slave-state serving a God who has let us alone on this rock with immense hatred for each other. When was the last time God mended something? The last great event I can think of in his Career is the death of Jesus. I hate you God. I hate you with all my heart because you gave me that chance, so Fuck you.

*starts to breakdown emotionally*

My parents. They are blind, stupid drones to this substandard deliverance of our yearning for perfect rule. My dad clearly stated to me that I am not allowed to have my own opinon- I will not stand to be governed by someone who isnt even related to me by blood and who looks like a bloated whale half the time with his fat belly lungeing out over his pants like some halfassed rejected Santa Claus. I told him clearly that since I had come here he had wanted me to be the perfect son. I quote him directly on this- "It would be nice if I had the perfect son". I snipped back, "And it would be nice to have a perfect father". I hate both of them to the point I am shivering.

In the car I stated I was an Anti-Conformist- I wanted to go and see the world for myself.

He stated "Well you sure picked up cussing fast."

"You're the one that really taught me cussing- Remember the Convention? You called mom a bitch all the way home."

To clarify, a 'convention' refers to the Jehovah's Witness practice of mass gatherings to listen to public discourses on various religious subjects- There are differing types of conventions. This one was in Lulling, Texas when I was 9. My mother left the lights on accidentally, so when the lunch break was called we were stuck with a dead car battery. Luckily, my father found someone to jump it. I.. I could see the look in peoples eyes. My father was getting violent even then, in public, tossing the cables back onto the ground and throwing me into the van in the front. I remember the look on his face, it was so angry, so mad, so violent. He was so out of control, for 45 minutes or so straight he just kept calling her a "bitch" over and over again, her tears dripping down her cheeks smearing her makeup. SHe kept sobbing over and over again and I felt myself losing control, I felt the way I have been feeling constantly ever since- Just hate. Pure hate for every single person IRL that I know. I asked him to stop and he told me to 'shut the hell up', I did just that and listened intently to the fucking cussing over and over again ebbing into my mind like a goddamn maggot into rotting flesh. AND I FUCKING HATED HIM! I wanted to take a blunt object and beat his skull into the ground, stomping on the various bloodied pieces strone across the asphault. I hate him for everything he's ever done to me, I hate him for what he is, I will never love him again. He was a bastard intill they put him on all this anti-anger medication that just leaves him as a half-dead zombie that only listens to mom now, her sadistic smile coming behind his back as she can now control him instead of vice versa.

DOORS SLAMMING I CAN STILL HEAR THEM GODDAMN ECHO! The screaming the insesent argueing the constant bickering and I Was ALONE. I WAS SITTING IN THE DEN ALONE WITH NOTHING BUT SLAMMED DOORS AROUND ME AND SILENCE ALL TO MYSELF. And this was WHY I started to just RIP my ARMS apart intill I couldnt BREATH I could only LAUGH as I just BLED ACROSS EVERYTHING I COULD. And it wasnt my FAULT to be SHOVED and PUSHED to the point that I am about to BREAK into a million pieces and slit everything around me to the point of destruction. He would throw me against the walls of this house I wasnt familiar with, the white walls that just stared at me and have stared at me for years. HE would push me and hit me, not as much as my old father but it still bruised the goddamn same as it ever did. I was sent out of HELL into some sort of PLAYHOUSE that was Just the goddamn same. I hated myself, I hated my family, and I just feel the pain resonating outwards as I write this, the gate brekaing again as I look plainly at my dagger that is resting on the COUCH

Reina didnt know that I was twitching when I was talking to her, I was losing my mind with anger, my voice wasnt normal. I kept placeing my hand on my head in pain as I felt my emotions takeing over. This is not a family. I dont belong anywhere I wasnt meant to be anything to anyone. What is my purpose.. what is it.. It isnt to be with friends I want a home. I never had a home I neer had some thing that I could love with all my heart irl.. Never ever had a place that I could just say "There is where my family is. That is my home." I'm nomadic, I've been moved, I've been taken and stabbed and beaten abd raped and bled to the point of insainity.. Just cant think of home I was the one statistical person that had to end up being in the worst possible domestic life. Why couldnt I have been that other kid the kid with the mom bakeing the brownies for the school. The kid that on 'Parents Day' was smiling insesscently like a goddamn chesire cat to the point that I was knawing at my framework to fall ontop of me and kill me.

There is no way that I will be normal. I just cannot feel the same types of love and understand it at all anymore. This song keeps saying "I wanna find somewhere where I belong".. so do I. So do I.. I want to find some place.. some house.. some land.. that I can say.. with pride.. "Home is where the Heart is.. and this is my home".

For now.. my heart is rotted.

2003-03-24T00:53:00.000-06:00

Current Music: The Blessed Dead by Nile
Current Mood: Mildly Amused.

I was bored so I wrote songs.

- And -

What
What have we done
What is this blood
What is this fun
Why are we dead
Why is this bad
Why are we being punished?

WRITE LIKE THE BLOOD
WRITE LIKE THE BLOOD
IT FLOWS AND DRENCHES YOU
SINKING IN MUD
WRITE LIKE THE BLOOD
WRITE LIKE THE BLOOD
IT FLOWS AND IT DRENCHES YOU
Drown in the vat.

And we
We cannot see
We cannot be
Whatever you think of me
We are not right here
For we have no fear
We have no death
We are God's breath
And dawn
Dawn is the end
End of the world
Thats what we give.
And I said "Run".
You stupid ass.
You stupid ass.
STOP STANDING THERE
STOP STANDING THERE

And you
You lick me all over
Shower me, Love me
Snake over my chest
And I
I cannot live
I cannot die
So why must we lie
Merely a thought
Merely a passing
And then we
We are not through
Through with our lifes
Lifes that are dead
Dead like the moon
Moon like the White
White like the blood
Blood like the wine
Wine like the Water
Water thinner than the blood.
And it drips, down your arm
Down your arm
Off your elbow.
And lands, lands with a soft, soft sound.
Onto the floor, made of your soul's bones.
For we are not living
For we are not dead
We have no home
Light's what we dread.

SCORN
SCORN LIKE THE EARTH
BURN LIKE THEM ALL
AND TO HELL WE ALL FALL
GODDAMNED FOR THE SIN
GODDAMN FOR THE LIFE
THE LIFE HE SAYS
SAYS WE NOW HAVE
AND WE FUCK
WE FUCK IN THE NIGHT
FUCK CAUSE ITS RIGHT
TO SPREAD THE PLAGUE
AND HATES WHAT WE SPREAD
WITHIN OUR CRIMSON HOLES
FUCK YOU ALL
FUCK YOU ALL
FUCK YOU ALL
FUCK YOU ALL

TRAIL ONWARDS BITCH
LEAN OVER BITCH
YOU'RE BEING FUCKED BITCH
RAPE RAPE
RAPE RAPE

And its just suffocating
Sort of like horrible masturbating.
Cant keep all the inner demons waiting
So with this knife, I stop hating.

because I FUCKED
FUCKED WITH THEM ALL
SLIT ALL THEIR THROATS
KILLED THEM FOR GOD'S HOLY GOOD
CHRISTIAN CRUCIFICTION LASTS
CHRISTIAN CRUCIFICTION LASTS
CHRISTIAN CRUCIFICTION LASTS

JEWS KILLED THE SON
JEWS KILLED THE SON
JEWS KILLED THE SON
JEWS KILLED THE SON

GOD KILLED US ALL
GOD KILLED US ALL

And we. We are not..
We cannot.
FIGHT ANYMORE
FIGHT ANYMORE
WE CANNOT FIGHT FOR YOUR WARS
WE CANNOT FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS
WE CANNOT FIGHT FOR YOUR LIVES
WE CANNOT LAST AGAINST THEM ALL
ITS A SEA OF HATE
ITS DROWNING YOU ALL
ITS DROWNING ME
GODDAMNED TO THE EARTH
GODDAMNED TO THE PEOPLE
GODDAMNED TO THEM ALL

FUCK MEANS "I LOVE YOU" IF YOU'RE SADISTIC

... WHAT????

---

- Channel 22 -

GOD SENT ME TO DESTROY THE WORLD
TOO MANY CHRISTIANS
GOD SENT ME TO DESTROY THE WORLD
TOO MANY PRAYERS FOR HIM TO IGNORE
I AM THE MESSIAH FOR THE FILTH
I AM THE GOD THAT IS THE SHINING HILT
BLOOD FOR YOUR FAITH
BLOOD FOR YOUR FAITH
DIE IN THE MIDST OF A HATEFILLED DEBATE
TOO MANY CHRISTIANS
TOO MANY FORMS OF A TRUTH
SO KILL THEM ALL TO GET BACK TO THE ROOTS

TOO MANY PEOPLE, TOO MANY CROSSES
TOO MANY LINES TO FEED TO THE MASSES
GOD SENT ME TO DESTROY THE WORLD
GOD SENT ME TO DESTROY THE WORLD
TOO MANY TEARDROPS FOR HIM TO MULL OVER
TOO MANY PRAYERS LEFT FOR HIM TO IGNORE

CAUSE HE SAID FUCK YOU
CAUSE HE SAID FUCK YOU
CAUSE HE SAID FUCK YOU
AND I FUCKED HIM BACK

JESUS IS A SAVIOR
JESUS IS A SAVIOR
BUT HE'S DEAD
JESUS IS A SAVIOR
JESUS IS A SAVIOR
CUT OFF HIS HEAD
JESUS NEVER LIVED HERE
JESUS NEVER LIVED HERE
JUST LIKE YOU
JESUS DOESNT KNOW ME
JESUS DOESNT KNOW ME
SO FUCK YOU

CAUSE GOD FORGOT WHAT IT MEANS TO DIE
FED US ALL TOO MANY LIES
GOD FORGOT WHAT IT MEANS TO CRY
TOO MANY SEAS, TOO MANY SEAFARING GUYS
SHIT FILLED WITH CRIMSON
CRIMSON LIKE YOU
CRIMSON CAUSE I KILLED YOU
PERFORM THE ANALYTICAL REVEIW
CRIMSON LIQUID DRIPPING LIKE DEW

----

- The Bard -

I called upon a Bard one day,
For him my whole life to weigh.
He had much within him to say,
Although much of it was a bit cliche,
Leaving me with boredom only to display.
Till finally I had to chase him away
But alas- His services I still had to pay!

----

- _disconnect -

Great i'm a poet, this is how I can relate
Shoving half-good shit into the oven to bake
My skin is just peeling off onto the floor
Writing little diddies sinful and so much more.
Because we are just poets, you know what we are.
Letting emotions out, writing in the car.
Becase we just arent human, we've ascended above.
Tossing you philosphy faster than you can shove.

We can fuck you up with a pen and a bit of paper
Try to meet me, come and see your maker.
But you'll never see me, remember to thank me later
Because if I ever saw you, i'd murder you for being a traitor.
Because I am the poet, the judge, the creator.
And I alone can see which one of us is greater.

For this is just an ode to the poet,
So many emotions, only one way to show it.
Because this is just an ode to the poet.
All the fame you'll get is when you are quoted.
Because there's, so many things inside, so little wit
But inside your mind you know you'll never quit.

Because this is just an ode to those that can rhyme,
Its the only way they can find to waste time.
But we all know that that's what makes them shine.
An ode to the poets, always in their prime...

----

- By Ken

2003-03-21T17:53:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Filthee by OTEP
Current Mood: Tired. Depressed.

The War That Ripples Through the World

I wasnt that suprised when there came word that an attack had occured after the deadline was passed. What I was suprised of was the meloncholy fashion that this is happening- Only today did we see something truely intense enough to be dermed exciting to me. Watching the missles slam into Baghdad's military palaces, the fireballs escalating upwards in a mess of soot, smoke and orange flame is interesting to me. I might want to serve in the armed forces someday, I enjoy this type of thing.

The Iraqis from the first liberated cities are truely happy that the troops are there, cheering, waveing and shakeing the troops hands. One man helped a soldier rip a poster of Saddam Hussein down and hit the face several times over- Thats the type of people that require help, but generally get it when its already beyond late, and commitee after commitee bogs down what kind of help we can send- War is the answer. Its the end answer, if all else fails war is the only thing to do. Diplomacy easily fails, and talk is cheap. The first war is still going on between Satan and Jehovah God- Even our creator is deadlocked in one, what can we do to avoid it? World peace will never occur, the conflicts of culture and ideals clash consistantly within our own schools even, compare that to all the cultures, ideals and opinons floating around that represent nations. World peace will never be achieved, and I am thankful for that- Prosperity can ensue even with violence, so world peace is not neccesariy, fantasizeing about it is silly.

Ultimately, pacisfists and religious people will bog down the abilities for a leader to wage war to the point where war against religion will have to occur in order for the devolpment of mankind to continue. Religion truely is bogging down the evolution of our species as a whole, dwelling on the teachings of the past in a narrowminded arrogant way doenst leave room for the creation of new, better ideas. Religion is wholelly unneccesary, as it always has been. Christ was killed, he didnt come back, he never will- Place that through your mind a few times to avoid the annoying arguements that you have written down and repeat over and over.

But, thats off the subject. To sum it up..

Once again, the area that was Babylon burns with warfare..

Anarchy Online

Hmm. I started playing Anarchy online, and i'm having alot of fun. This is my character, a soldier named Vormir.

Cool shit. Currently specializing in shotguns and assult rifles, my current weapon, as shown in the picture, is a mix of both.

Song Lyrics of the Day

Turn Your Back and Run
Performed by Demon Hunter

I'm growing partial to detesting a disease in me.
It's head swells into beautiful. Dependency.
With teeth that feed on flesh and everything.
I swear I am not.
A small price to bleed and give you everything that you want.
Dancing with the spirit, giving heart to pump a dirty vein.
Leaving with a scar, a uniform to bruise a perfect stain.
Anything you hate will be the root of everything you breathe.
Breathing in the dirt will leave you hating all that you conceive.
I try to push myself up, I'm breaking from the inside.
I'm slipping through the cracks and i try to push it out of mind.
Switch, you've got to turn your back and run.
To push it out is just a patch to heal a gaping wound.
A brass tack to pin a hair and heal a broken tomb.
I never thought i'd be the one to bring it down to this.
My last thought is through a statement and a shattered fist.
Face down, fearless, light me up, end this.
I try to push myself up, I'm breaking from the inside.
I'm slipping through the cracks and I try to push it out of mind.
Switch, you've got to turn your back and run.
Microns from the flame head.
Beat my hands to proceed nothing.
Staring into souls with blind eyes.
Taking the throne in my tiny hand.
And chase it with the pain.
You won't have life until you run.
You got to give it all away.
I try to push myself up, i'm breaking from the inside.
I'm slipping through the cracks and I try to push it out of mind.
Switch, you've got to turn your back and run.

2003-03-16T22:13:00.000-06:00

Current Music: None. Watching TV.
Current Mood: Still just fine.

Here's a few songs/poems I wrote.

Butterfly's Blood

The desert is vast, the desert is cold
The cold drapeing silence conversing like mold
But with a crimson rose by my side
It's sweet tears telling me to hide
From the woesome woes of Old.
Its tears must be dried
So within the confines of my soul, we hide.

Reverberation of the Chimera

And he's walking down the street
Fucked up sneakers encaseing his feet
Parents voices louder than they should be
Cause all that does is scar his memory.
But he's just walking, with no destination
Someone turned off his station
This aint just a dream, oh though it may seem
To be.
And why cant she set him free?
Block out his goddamned memory.
Maybe all his life just wasnt meant to be.
But who cares, its too late
The thought of living kills his fate.
But maybe, just maybe, he can make Someone, somewhere relate
To all that he's feeling, the hate that is peeling
All the skin off the bone.
Just maybe, just maybe this peice of paper will show he isnt alone.
Sitting and waiting, alone by a phone wanting to hear her voice.
Living a life, A life full of nothing, damn this wasnt his choice.

But whos alone anymore?
And why did they shut that door.
The door to the others, the door to the mothers
The door to a life.
Maybe someday, he'll beat up his wife

But now he's just walking
With no destination
He needs a vacation
From this.
And he said tomorrow, i'll end all my sorrow
And die in a pool of my own piss
Fuck all your fathers, fuck all your happiness all I want is one kiss.
A kiss I could die for, a kiss I could try for
Damn me for living a lie.
And its not comparing, to this life that he's sharing
With a demon at home.

And the scars seem to glow
When you sit in the dark at home
The stereo's blasting the songs he knows well
His dark twisted form cowering inside his shell
Tomorrow's another day of hell.
Yea, tomorrow's just another day of hell.

But all he'll ever say is "Oh well...."

2003-03-16T19:34:00.000-06:00

Current Music: None. Watching the Spurs game.
Current Mood: I'm good.

Not much to write. Spring break is here, time for some well needed rest.

Like I said, nothing really eye-poppingly interesting to write about, hm. Oh well. Something will smack me in the face soon enough.

2003-03-14T23:37:00.000-06:00

Current Music: One Armed Scissor by At the Drive In
Current Mood: _______.

Bloodied Little Shovel

Do you have any right
To make me feel this way
To tell me what to say
Drag me through the mud
Kill the one I loved
But when push came to shove
I ascend above.

Never was a God
Disciplined by the Rod
Everyone just sings
Bout their diamond rings.
And it always seems to rain.
Just when you want to complain
And everyone's a bore.
Living's such a chore.

Cause God forgot today
Took a vacation, but we were all dead anyway.
And no one seemed to care
Cause all of us were already halfway there.
So instead we just keep on crying
For those that refuse to stop dying
Cause most of us cared
Yea, most of us cared.

Yea, God is with his women
Shot by Eminem.
Lost his temper on a whim
And look at the shit he's in.
Oh yea, look at the shit he's in.

Treding on the line
Teetering's just fine.
But when you drink some wine
Your humanity starts to shine.
And only we're to blame
For all this world's shame
Cause Jesus never came
For he had already been maimed
Yea, Cruicified on the plane..

All cause God took a vacation today
Two minutes too far, too late
God took a vacation today
Should be back by late May.
Should be back by late May...

-By Ken.

2003-03-14T14:02:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Disciple by Slayer
Current Mood: Fine.

The Song That Owns Today

I fucking love this song, Disciple. It is the best goddamn anti-religious song that I have ever heard. I give this whole goddamn album, God Hates Us All from Slayer, the highest rateing that I can. You know a CD is going to be good when the inside cover is a bible with blood on the cover. Man, either this song or Payback is the best on the album. Either of them get my Song of the Day.

Song Lyrics of the Day [First Tie Ever]:

Disciple
By Slayer

Drones since the dawn of time
Compelled to live your sheltered lives
Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocracy
I'll instigate I'll free your mind
I'll show you what I've known all this time

God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All
You know it's true God hates this place
You know it's true he hates this race

Homicide-Suicide
Hate heals, you should try it sometime
Strive for Peace with acts of war
The beauty of death we all adore
I have no faith distracting me
I know why your prayers will never be answered

God Hates Us All; God Hates Us All
He Fuckin' hates me

Pessimist, Terrorist targeting the next mark
Global chaos feeding on hysteria
Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game
Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high
Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time
I'm waiting for the day the whole world fucking dies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow

Man made virus infecting the world
Self-destruct human time bomb
What if there is no God would you think the fuckin' same
Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith
Wake the fuck up can't ignore what I say
I got my own philosophy

I hate everyone equally
You can't tear that out of me
No segregation -separation
Just me in my world of enemies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow
I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple

I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place
I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place
I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place
I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place

Payback
By Slayer

You need to take a closer look at me
Cause I was born to be the thorn in your side
No matter what you think you're gonna see
You never wanted this barrage of fucking pride
You don't want none of me

You've got a fucking catheter in your brain
Pissing your common sense away
When you draw first blood you can't stop this fight
For my own peace of mind - I'm going to
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Payback's a bitch motherfucker

You only live to be a parasite
Your life must suck when nothing's going your way
Everything melts away before your eyes
You're just a punk that doesn't have the sense to get away
Get the fuck away

You've got a fucking catheter in your brain
Pissing your common sense away
When you draw first blood you can't stop this fight
For my own peace of mind - I'm going to
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Payback's a bitch motherfucker

I will never become your fucking scapegoat
I don't know how it feels to come up short
I only want vengeance
To come shining down on me
I don't want you to die
Before I get the chance to kill you myself

You've got a fucking catheter in your brain
Pissing your common sense away
This is for the mindfuck
This is for the hell of it
This is for me- I'm going to
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Now you're nothing

I'll post more as it comes to mind..

2003-03-14T06:23:00.000-06:00

Current Music: One More Sad Song by The All-American Rejects
Current Mood: Really sarcastically depressed.

Quote of the Day:

DeathKnight V4: If I got bitchslapped by the flu right now i'd most likely just slide over in my chair and fall asleep.
DeathKnight V4: Sorta like a large loaf of bread.
DeathKnight V4: Actually, no. Its nothing like a large loaf of bread.
DeathKnight V4: I'm just hungry.
Super Two Blank: lol

going to bed. night.

2003-03-13T19:04:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Blood Pigs by OTEP
Current Mood: Pissed

The Dumbasses That Otakuboards Breeds

- None of the following is directed at the good people in that thread, IE Queen Asuka, LM, Lady Asphyxia, Sara, Semjaza and a few others who know who they are, this rant is directed at the people whos comments in that thread were not helpful to him at all.

The Thread.

What the FUCK is wrong with the people in that thread? DuoMax specifically, dont fucking PREACH About how much a parent sacrifices, because I would rather sacrifice my parents to Satan than hear about whatever goddamn excuses people give about parents being so 'great' and 'kind' and 'worthy of my respect'- Get your fucking heads out of your asses, the word 'parent' has lost all meaning to me, its equal to shit now. Theres no goddamn reason on Earth to respect someone just because they fucked someone of the opposite gender and a kid ripped his way out of the woman's ass. Respect is earned- Gaining the stupid title of father or mother doesnt do goddamn fuck in my book. I'm tired of people raiseing their hand, index finger raised and stateing "Parents are the answer!" AS IF! The answer was parents back when that meant respect for the child, when it meant love for the child, when the word didnt have gooddamn blood on its fucked up hands. Some fathers I do respect, they are wise- They know how to guide their children down the right path. But when you just GENERALIZE and say "ALL FUCKING PARENTS ARE FUCKING GREAT" big GODDAMN HALLELUJAH THERE! I loathe my parents with every drop of blood in my body, so fuck that advice. Dan can do whatever the hell he wants, damned assholes in that thread.

Marijuana users are now instant retards, great. The people saying that can shove their head further up their ass so that I dont have to hear as much of the fucking shit they are spewing. Maybe it aint good for you, but intelligence shouldnt be weighed on if you do drugs or not- Peer pressure is involved, curiousity is involved, too many factors govern how and when you might first try it. So FUCK THAT.

So all the fuckheads from that thread that might read this- Get it through your fat, empty, bloodied head- Life isnt meant to be total followed on the line, if you are too scared to jump over that goddamn line then get the fuck out of that thread because you have no idea what it means to expierment with the riskier parts of life, the stupid thoughts that keep you from trying it, your consience, your guilt, but you just have to fucking GO FOR IT and after thats done DECIDE ON YOUR OWN if you want to do it again or fucking not. So get the hell out of that thread you gay ass 12 year old bitches who are copying those stupid antidrug commercial that air on TV every 10 seconds.

Highlights of that Rant-

1. Parents need to earn respect, merely gaining the title of a parent doesnt make you the instant great guy, damnit.
2. Unless you've treaded on the risky side, you can shut the fuck up and shove your advice up your ass because shit belongs with shit.
3. Go for it because if you dont, someone will and they will be able to smile when they die that they really have done everything.

Goddamn fucking fools..

2003-03-13T16:42:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Waffle by Sevendust
Current Mood: I'm somewhat tired.

Sex Before Marriage

It seems several of my friends, not just you Reina, have been discussing this recently. I wonder if everyone just suddenly got horny at once and is debateing going out, getting fucked, and then thinking of the repercussions. lol. Its odd really, but if everyone suddenly wants to discuss sex, I have no objections.

First, the premise of sex before marriage is a thing that is ever changeing within my mind. Since i'm not a conformist, I technically should be thinking that it would be alright to do so, yet, as a strategist, the reprecussions that could come about from that are such that I would most likely wait till after marriage. Yet, as a comedian, i'd generally just go with the flow and see what happens. But, once again, as a cautious type of person, i'd want to wait and see about the person first. Therefore, my veiws are as follows.

Sex before marriage is alright, as long as you take the neccesary steps to make sure that it would be alright to do so. Blind sex with some stranger isnt going to land you in the happy life spot unless you are really lucky- Therefore any pain that follows such would be your own damn fault for being stupid and just jumping into bed with someone, Male or Female. But, if you take the time to get to know them, get to see their veiws on it, and one night either of you are horny, you go for it, they ditch you- You did your best to avoid it, why should all the blame be on you? Finally, the best case scenario would be that the female of the relationship goes through the whole birth process and the relationship continues- On into marriage, or on into just living together.

So, I guess i'm saying that all that really varies on the persons involved. Like, if Britty and Travis had sex IRL and she got pregnent, i'd be fine with that because they know each other and I would bet a good 300 dollars that they'd end up hitched. But if I and some random chick I met that night had a nice round of intercourse, and she got pregnant and I ended up with the childsupport payments, the emotional pain weighing on me, me missing out on most of the child's life unless I returned- Then that would be my own damn fault.

I guess it really is up to the person, in the end, but if you are gonna do it before marriage- Be careful, and dont say I didnt warn you. =)

My Mothers Birthday

Was Tuesday. I didnt tell many people because I really was trying to, with all my might, ignore that date. I suppose I wish her a late Happy Birthday, and hope she is doing well. No reason for openhatred of her when it was just her birthday, hm.

.hack// infection

I love this game. The way you can basically set the parameters for your own random dungeon makes it so much fun, since Travis knows I was a born dungeon crawler. Bwahaha, go get this game PS2ers you'll love it. =)

Computer

Without much trouble, Doug the Computer Manmanman fixed the minor problem with our network. So, I guess i'm going to keep the online consistancy. Big Phew for me folks, haha. But, I know what he did, I watched, so I can fix it next time of no charge- But my 'rape capitalism' self is telling me to charge my folks anyway, hmm.

All the Grass Is Mowed

As you guys know I had that period of time where I just bought stuff, well thats because alot of the grass around here was high from the rains we had gotten. But now that its all mowed, i'm in a lull again, so I just gotta hold out for a few weeks before I get some more moolah. X.x Its hard work, but some [mexican] has to do it. XD

Thats about all

Might write more tonight.

2003-03-11T18:13:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Jimmy by Tool
Current Mood: Tired as hell.

Today was an average day, I woke up and went to lunch with my parents, Chinese, and then crammed knowledge into my head intill I could come online on my father's computer. I'm very, very sapped of energy from yesterday's escapade in hospital-patience, and i'm quite frankly not feeling up to going to church tonight. I decline to comment if I would want to go if I felt better, but I am almost passing out as I type this.

Juuthena called me last night and kept me company as I was in my netless, alone state. We had a nice chat, full of random sillyness, really. I consider her one of my best friends ^_^ My mom made the stupid comment, after she hung up, that me getting calls from more than one girl implied I was going out with more than one- Since when is a friendly phone call denoteing a relationship? lol. I promptly told her to "Shut the Hell up", literally, and walked out somewhat pissed that she would even imply that. She's really immaturely retarded sometimes, lol. I get tired of her alot, because she always seems to be watching me, like i'm going to suddenly go astray like my bitch of a mother did- Maybe I will, and if I do go bad I will definately do it loud and proud, rather than try to sneak it past my deaf legal-father and my blonde, ditzy, idiotic legal-mother.

Other than that, today is my mother's birthday, and it is quietly setting the tone for today generally- Pissed off, quiet, tired, not wanting to have to deal with any shit. Oh well, Happy birthday to you biological mother, wherever you landed your whore ass in this world. I wish you some sort of happiness, alothough a large amount of pain should go with that happiness if it comes to you, but we all know God "works in mysterious ways", hm?

Other than that, I guess tonight i'll mainly play PS2. Theres nothing else to do, but thankfully tomorrow Doug should come and take a look at the computer, and see whats wrong with it. Perhaps he'll be able to fix it then, but I doubt it. Expect me to be off of my regular netness for perhaps, at the very most, a week and a half more- But I have highhopes that he'll be able to fix it. If only Trav's computer genius lived nearby, he'd get the job done, lol.

I talked to Roxie, and she said she didnt hate me- I doubt that, somewhat. I'm harsh and blunt to untold extremes sometimes. I'm sorry, once more Rox, so please forgive me if you can. ^_^

Thats about it. See you all tomorrow.

2003-03-10T18:54:00.000-06:00

Current Music: Headstrong by Trapt
Current Mood: Fine.

I woke up at 8am to hear that my grandmother had been sent to the hospital because she couldnt breathe. Sigh, so I was away from home till 6pm or so. She's fine now, but she had me scared for a bit that she was going to die, beh. My grandma is the only person I like in my family, really, so eh. I care about her alot, alot more than my current legal mom, and i'm sorta sorry that she has to be alone in that house so much. =/

Besides that, my computer is down and out for a bit it seems, it isnt picking up the connection to the internet, sooo.. that means i'm stuck with limited use of my parents computer. ^^'' it's ok, I needed some form of a break anywho. I'll miss most of ya, but i'll still be around- Just not constantly, heh. For a few days only, I hope, but you know my luck- might be a couple of weeks before i'm back to my online consistancy.

I rented some books from the central downtown library [its 7 stories tall]- The History of Anarchism and Carrie, the former written by the great Stephen King. I wanted to get Dreamcatcher by sir King, but alas- -.- they were all checked out, beh. I guess i'll keep looking for it, lol.

Well. I guess thats it for today.

2003-03-09T06:03:00.000-06:00

Current Music: The Art of Losing by American Hi Fi
Current Mood: Bored.

Itsssss..

QUIZ DAY

*Kind and Good-Hearted* Your all kind and nice to
everyone that everyone loves you. Even though
someone leaves you, there is a reason. And they
may come back to you too. That is, because your
so nice and good-hearted.

What Kind of Personality Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

.. Its.. Pink.. *twitch*

Goddess of Magic

Orbs are cool.

Grey

Thats the crappiest image from a quiz ever.

but its right. *the pondering on life starts*

You are a real player! You are dynamic and can
play whatever is placed before you. You have
common sense, wit, and skilled. You are most
useful in almost any situation.

What's your RPG type?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hahah, Of course.

Elf

What type of otherkin are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeap.

You don't care what other people think, all you
want to do is to be wild and have fun.

Sexual Appeal Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

I want that.. what?!

;P @ T

You are most likely to get something dangerous.Like
a dragon,sword,dagger,or a bleeding heart.

What kind of tattoo are you most likely to get?
brought to you by Quizilla

Damn right.

Congratulations! You are a wise, cunning leader.
You care very much about your people, and take
great pains to ensure their safety and
happiness. And you are not easily swayed by
those who would deceive you. Keep up the good
work!

What kind of monarch are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

That's a cool hat.

You are the sly, mischevious, and decitful Loki.
Father of Lies, Bad Deals, and mischeif.

Which Norse God are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

That's a cool sword.

You are Tzeentch, you love to mess people up
mentaly, love the magics and to manipulate
people, loverly stuff

What God of chaos is your lord
brought to you by Quizilla

Thats cool in general.

You're a completely hateful, shallow bastard. Go
you, fuck yeah.

How Hateful Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

That's also cool.

You're Death

You anger easily and carry a pessimistic outlook on
life. You don't care much about anything, but
be careful, because that will ultimately be
your downfall.

What Tragic Entity Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeap. Cool.

Which Depressing Song by a Not-So-Depressing Band Are You?

Take the quiz at [clinically insane]

Damn right.

I'm Kino Makoto, also known as Sailor Jupiter. Which Sailor Scout are you? by

Clicks and Buzzes

*makes out with Sailor Jupiter* >.o

I'm Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Which Late Night with Conan O'Brien Recurring Character are You? by Clicks and Buzzes

*makes out with Triumph?*

Your Heart is Black

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeap.

Visionary, revolutionary, vigilante - these descriptions all fit you well. You are thoroughly disgusted with society and humanity as a whole, and you have several rather diabolical plans to reshape it to fit your designs. You're probably a loner, and most people think you're crazy. That's just because they don't understand, though, and you'll show them someday anyway. Heh heh heh. You are known to become very passionate about many causes, have torrid love affairs, and be seen as a either a demagogue or a hero to the proletariat masses.

Be cool! Take the What Do You Want Out Of Life? Quiz

Yeap.

Black:
PEOPLE SUCK THE WORLD SUCKS EVERYBODY SHOULD BE
KILLED AND BLEED TO DEATH TILL THE COLD EARTH
SOAKS IN BLOOD. Well, you're angry at the
world. For reasons who knows, but you
definately hate life.

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeap.

You're Insanly Random

What type of Insanity are YOU?
Test by Snow Katt#101

Yeap o_o

You are Mary Bell. At the ripe old age of 10 you
strangled a neighbor boy, afterwhich you carved
your initals into his skin. At his funreal you
laughed. Your next victim was a 3 year old. You
pushed him off the roof, resulting in a broken
skull. After he was found you went to his
mothers house and asked to see him, she replied
tha t he was dead. You smiled brightly and said
'Oh, I know he's dead. I wanted to see him in
his coffin."
You horrid little girl you.
-smacks your hand-

Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

O.o;;

Your a Demon

I'm not fooled by that innocent look your more
deadly then any thing else. You have a passion
for killing and nothing makes you happier. You
have a take no crap adittude and arn't about to
let anoybody get in your way. You may come off
as a little pushy but who cares what those
mortals think?! Wouldn't it be fun to kill them
all?

What mystical being are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

o.O;;

Your WOLF DAEMON shows that you are solitary,
ferocious, and often intimidating, but not
without your sufficient loyalty and poise.
People tend to misunderstand you, but you
prefer your own company, anyway.

What Would Your Daemon Settle As?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeap.

Test Results

You think of yourself as being Dramatic, Thoughtful, Captivating, and Deep.

Others think of you as being Strong, Loyal, Violent, and Symbolic.

Your relationships can be described as Expansive, Amazing, Monotonous, and Secretive.

When stressed, you feel Amused.

Take this test here.

scary.

Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust

heh.

Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

heh heh.

You are considerably evil with no heart at
all...Hitler would have been glad to have a
nemesis like you by his side

HOW MUCH OF HITLER DO YOU HAVE IN YOU
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm not that bad. O.o;;

You might develop a habit of bingeing and purging!
Eating helps hide your emotions yet you hate
being over weight. You need to fight your
insecurities before you try to stop eating so
much.

What nasty habit will you develop? (preferably for really disturbed people)
brought to you by Quizilla

^_~..;.. no comment..

Wise

What is your inner spirit?
brought to you by Quizilla

yee haw.

Your the Seasoned Veteran.

What kind of Hero are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hookay. O.o

You are a dark element. You love pain and love to
see people and things get hurt. You are what
people might call goth... the fuck with them...
wouldnt be neat to kill em all?

What's your element
brought to you by Quizilla

Horray for Boobies!

*You are a Ghost*
A loner at heart, constantly feeling lost or alone.
Best to stop creeping people out and try to
make some friends.

What Magical Symbol are you?
brought to you by Quizilla